I dontknow why I am doing this.. perhaps I just need someone to speak sense into me.
Today I have my first white hair. Its funny how life goes isn’t it? I mean, every time an event happens in my life. Something happens to me. Neomi died yesterday from a heart failure after an operation to remove a uterus infection. So I cried all night.
My boyfriend was there, but when I really needed to sleep I called at Kevin’s because he was having a vampire game with him and at this point, the way Kevin shows me respect I don’t care calling at 3 am. I needed someone just to talk to. This morning I feel empty. I don’t know if I should feel happy that’s its nice and sunny outside. I don’t know if I should feel happy to be loved.
The only thought that is haunting me is that she died alone in a cage without love or comfort. I am starting to think that we are not made to attach ourselves to anything, this sounds crazy, maybe its because I am mourning and I am trying to feel less hurt then possible and stay strong trough this, but I think that we are not made to attach ourselves because we are one day going to disappear alone and without anyone to follow us.
So do you think that life is better once you don’t need anyone even when you desperately need to be held? I am speaking crazy I know. Maybe tomorrow I’ll be myself again but my first gray hair and Neomi death somehow changed me. I need to learn how to be alone.
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