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Self Help

Recovery, Venting, Thoughts...^^^Gazza^^^

Author: 53054 Category:(General Advice) Created:(3/14/2006 2:30:00 AM)
This post has been Viewed (1240 times)

Recovering from anything is difficult....

I just hate it that I just do not seemto be able to recover, whenever I seem to be getting better, is whenever I seem to also be withdrawing into myself more and becoming more and more depressed, or when I stop the eating disorder and I start to cut, or vise versa, and I am really sick of it. Now I know that bo of them are linked....but I just do not seem to be able to stop both....becuase one always takes over with the otherone, and it is really annoying.

I also dont like to burden people, but for me this is a constant struggle. Now over the past two years I have gotten a lot better...however at the moment I am slowly getting back into the 'bad' faze....which I do not like...

I know that I am not alone, but also I do not like to talk with people who have the same problems as me, becuase I get frustrated, and I like to elp people, and it should not be the other way around...I hate people saying omg that is terrible, and I do not like sympathy, because I am a strong willed person and I like helping people, and their are a lot of people with things that are a lot worse than mine...but for some reason I also do want to be hugged and told that everything will be ok...that I am strong, and I really want someone to talk too....

I can not tell my family...I have never been able to tell anyone whom I do not trust...At the moment the family I live with I do trust, however not like that...the family is very self consiuos, and cares a lot about weight, and losing or gaining weight, which I dont know whether it helps me or not...

But in the end I know that it is only me who can change...and the thing is that I want to change, but the other fact is that I am scared of gaining weight...and then I would punish myself for that....its like a continious roller coasting ride...

and seriously I am sick of talking about it, I am sick of being sick, I am sick of not being able to be my true self, which I dont know what it is anymore...I dont want to have any responsibility anymore, because I really cant live with myself, but if I dont have responsibility I lose myself completely....

I just cant win, becuase I just do not know what to do with myself, or where I am going....I have a lot to think about.

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Replies:

Date: 3/14/2006 2:37:00 AM From Authorid: 46486 I also hope my comment made sense.

Date: 3/14/2006 2:37:00 AM From Authorid: 46486 I didn't think I could get over my cutting problem. But I can tell you the urges are A LOT stronger for me to cut myself now than they were ever because I'm not cutting anymore. I had a reality shock back in November when I was sent to the ER and they weren't going to release me that night, but they did. I mean, over time you will over come it I guess. But maybe you need something that'll make you think twice about what you are really doing? I do know where you are coming from, I've been a cutter since I was 13. Its been about 2 months or so since I've cut, and even then it wasn't as bad as I normally would have done.

Date: 3/14/2006 2:39:00 AM From Authorid: 13297 seriously I am sick of talking about it, I am sick of being sick, I am sick of not being able to be my true self, which I dont know what it is anymore...****** From this irritation and disgust will come the motivation to change. Perhaps if possible you should seek a change of scenery - new friends, a new place to live [away from those that make it easy to maintain the bad habits]. Your happiness has to come from within - sounds cliche but it is true. Start doing things and quit thinking. Honestly, it sounds to me like you have too much time to think. I know I work that way. When I stay busy doing things I am really happy with myself. When I set around and think about things I get extremely depressed. It may sound stupid but action is the only thing that will get you out of this funk. Go take a walk, ride your bike, dance, sing do whatever you enjoy doing but just do something. And try doing it alone. That may be hard at first too but honestly when you learn to enjoy the company you keep when alone then you will enjoy better the company of others. Again that sounds really trite but I have found it to be correct. If I were you I would make a list of all the things I ever wanted to try to do - no matter how stupid or unrealistic they seem - and then pick one thing from the list and go do it. See how you feel. Keep doing that until these thoughts go away. That at least is my suggestion for what it is worth. Getting off my butt and doing something is the ONLY way I have found to get me through my funks [short depressive episodes].

Date: 3/14/2006 2:46:00 AM ( From Author ) From Authorid: 53054 Fallin Angel, I know how hard it is to stop....but in the end it is much better...I am glad that you reliesed that cutting is not worth it...good luck with stopping

Date: 3/14/2006 3:04:00 AM ( From Author ) From Authorid: 53054 I will reply later emi because I have to start work...

Date: 3/14/2006 5:35:00 AM From Authorid: 62146 You seem to be afraid that you can not help anyone when you have probblems, but people who have been through hardship in their life acctaully give the best advice cause they are suvivers, and they rember how they did survive. This problem you deal with now wont last forever but for now don't be afraid to ask for help. The more help you get the quicker you will get over this and be able to live your life. I recently discovered I might have came to the point where I beat my depression and my post trumatic stress dissorder symtones but I still gott keep on trying hard to make sure they stay away for good. Rember we are all specil in our own way, you jsut gotta think postive.

Date: 3/14/2006 5:51:00 AM From Authorid: 13297 One other thought - the reason you feel good when you can help people is because you are doing something productive and you are no longer focusing on yourself. You are helping someone else solve a problem and that makes you feel good. If you like to do that maybe you can volunteer or mentor or tutor or study social work or whatever activities there are along the lines of helping others. As for wanting to be hugged and loved and validated. That is ABSOLUTELY normal - as humans we need that BUT we also need to love and validate ourselves as well - it can't be all external forces that reaffirm our worth. *hug*

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