Date: 10/21/2005 10:17:00 AM
From Authorid: 63230
I do not have a special needs child, but have worked with them and I think that the number one thing that you need to remember is not to let them think that they are any different than any other child. They should be treated as normal as possible and let them feel as normal as possible. One thing as a parent you need to have the patience of Job and be ready to handle anything. One last bit of advise, When nothing else works, love and lots of it will help heal the pain that you both will experience. You will be there for the child, but the child will also be there for you. You will learn to grow together. Good luck. And lots of prayers sent your way.  |
Date: 10/21/2005 10:20:00 AM
From Authorid: 7830
I dont have any special needs children, but being a mother I can imagine how you must be feeling, the hurt for your son. Ive worked with special needs children before and it sounds like youre doing everything exactly right. Be honest with him about his disorder, but continue telling him he IS smart, he just learns differently than other childre. It's a hard situation you and your son are in. my best wishes to you.  |
Date: 10/21/2005 10:29:00 AM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 10245
Exactly the reinforcement I needed. Thank you!   |
|
Date: 10/21/2005 10:43:00 AM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 10245
that's a good analogy Thanks, AO! at least she apologized, but she wouldn't have had reason to if she'd just kept her trap shut! Any teacher that could say that to a child shouldn't be a teacher. |
Date: 10/21/2005 10:54:00 AM
From Authorid: 62901
Just as Shai said, I do not have a special needs child, but I am a mother. And it broke my heart to read this because all I could do while read was picture my sons face and I must say.... people tell me all the time how strong I am because I am a single mom and have no other help.... but you surpass all the single moms! I know it takes a strong woman to have to do this and to me it sounds like you're doing a great job, and giving him the most important thing of all that he needs... LOVE. Hang in there, and I wish you the best! *hugs*  |
Date: 10/21/2005 11:02:00 AM
From Authorid: 63172
I don't have a special needs child but I do have two children so I know how you must feel .My daughter is advanced and she gets picked on for it too.I explain to her that children will pick on people to draw attention away from their own faults.My daughter is afraid to answer a question in class because if she does they call her know it all.I wish I had better advice for you but I have no idea other than positive reinforcement how to deal with bullys myself.  |
Date: 10/21/2005 11:54:00 AM
From Authorid: 36704
Personally I wouldn't talk to him about the disorder and just keep doing what you've been doing, positive reinforcement and telling him he's not stupid. Telling him about the disorder is placing a stigma on him and if he's progressed a lot it could hold back his future progress. I think from what you've said that you've handled it great this far. Kids are definitely cruel from a young age, but how you handle the situation I think has far more impact in the long run. Most of the time you get over the mean things other kids say, but what your parents say stick with you forever, just keep doing what you're doing, because you're doing great and he'll be fine.  |
Date: 10/21/2005 12:15:00 PM
From Authorid: 62927
There is a book "Children At Promise: 9 Principles to Help Kids Thrive in an At Risk World" I have not read it, it is on my round to it list, but it is vouched for by Robert Shuler, the one by Tim Stuart I believe. He has an amazing story of how people thought one thing about him, but he grew up quite successful. *Good Luck* CR
 |
Date: 10/21/2005 1:16:00 PM
From Authorid: 40530
I don't know what to say...Just tell him you love him and he's not stupid I guess. Sorry I'm not any help. I really respect you  |
Date: 10/21/2005 2:48:00 PM
From Authorid: 15228
My friends little boy is PDD and they call it mildly autistic also. I know they have the same problem as you when it comes to teasing and he has trouble making friends. To top it off he is very big (tall) for his age (both parents are over 6 ft). He is 11, but looks 15, he acts younger than 11 which complicates matters more. They take him to a counselor which helps. They are very up front and open with him about his condition. They use a lot of humor in dealing with him. I really like the kid, I watched him and his sister over the summer and found he was easily frustrated.  |
Date: 10/21/2005 2:58:00 PM
From Authorid: 53909
Wow, I'm not too sure what to say. I can't believe kids these days.  I think that if you keep telling him that he's no different from any other child. Keep telling him that he IS smart and that he has a smart brain.  Keep giving him lots of love.  |
|
Date: 10/21/2005 3:13:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 10245
I was thinking of the stigma, too, Base... I've avoided having any label officially attached to him so far. I have it for me to use, to help others (like our families) understand what it is we are dealing with, and create some understanding for him, but I've been reluctant to use any particular term when I'm talking directly with him. With the progress he's shown, I don't want to give him a reason to give up. He gets frustrated enough as it is. He's starting to realize that the other kids don't go to speech and that the other kids don't go to OT, that they don't spend time in the resource room, and that they don't have an aide. He's starting to notice the differences for himself and he needs an explanation. I'm hoping what I offered was enough... for now, anyway. Thanks for your input. I really appreciate it |
|
Date: 10/21/2005 3:15:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 10245
I think I've seen that title before, CR. I'll check into it. Thanks |
|
Date: 10/21/2005 3:16:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 10245
Thank you to everyone else for your your suggestions and support. It really helps |
|
Date: 10/21/2005 3:19:00 PM ( Admin )
I believe that it's best to remember to convey there is no real "level" or "group" that you have to keep up with. The goal is to learn and to learn how to learn. |
|
Date: 10/21/2005 3:31:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 10245
that is important to remember! I need to remind myself, too, sometimes |
Date: 10/21/2005 3:38:00 PM
From Authorid: 63112
What are his strengths? When he's feeling down, try reminding him of those. There's a book out, I'll have to find the title and author, but it's by a lady with autism who used her autism to her advantage. It helped her view the world as animals do, and she now works as a consultant in animal industries. I'll try to find it and I'll get back to you. - Francine  |
|
Date: 10/21/2005 4:38:00 PM
From Authorid: 63112
OK - the books are: Animals in Translation - Using the Mysteries of Autism to Decode Animal Behavior, and: Thinking in Pictures. . .and Other Reports From My Life, both by Temple Grandin, Ph.D. (This lady is autistic and got her Ph.D.!) It is inspirational how her "disability" became her "special ability". Does your son do better at "thinking in pictures" like autistic people do? Your son learns in a different way than most of us and schools are only set up for the way most of us learn! Everyone else needs "special" classes. I feel for you and your son. It tore me apart when any of my boys have cried because others have made fun of them - and they have no disability. Maybe it would help if you remembered a time when someone made fun of you and you told him that story. He'll probably be amazed that his smart, perfect mom was ever in that position! Then give him this hug from me --> *Hug* - Francine |
Date: 10/21/2005 4:40:00 PM
From Authorid: 47296
My daughter had her problems in school. She was not PDD, but had problems understanding some of her homework, and even following basic instructions. My wife and I both worked with her every night, including weekends, one her reading, math, and comprehensive skills. When we explained things to her, we took the time to explain the why and how they were done a certain way. We also looked ofr areas where she excelled, both in and out of school, and we nurtured those areas. We found she was good in various sports, gymnastics, ballet, and dance. We kept her active in all those areas, and it gave her self confidence. She was also taught basic martial arts, when instilled discipline in her. Today, she has two kids of her own, holds a good job, and is doing alright for herself. She handles the book keeping and ordering for a major parts company where she lives. She is getting ready to move to California, and the company has already said they will help her in getting on with one of their franchises there.  |
Date: 10/21/2005 4:52:00 PM
From Authorid: 18928
I don't really know what to say to this. But I know that your son is lucky to have you, and I'm sorry that you both have to encounter rude & ignorant people. Stay strong. ((hugs))  |
|
Date: 10/21/2005 5:18:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 10245
I knew you were talking about Temple Grandin right away, Francine. She's an inspiration |
Date: 10/21/2005 5:21:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 10245
We've been considering a Tai Kwon Do class for him, Two Spirits, but all 3 kids want to go and we can't afford that right now.... maybe I should take Grandma up on her offer to pay  Your daughter sounds like she's done quite well for herself. I love stories like that... it reassures me that he'll do okay. Thanks |
Date: 10/21/2005 5:58:00 PM
From Authorid: 56489
I don't have no children, & really have no imput on this but my heart goes out to you & him and best wishes of something good coming out of it. All I could say is kids are cruel, my younger sister used to be in what they called the slower class. I hated when they picked on her, it'd bring out my mean streak, & to the office I would go after smacking some heads together.  |
|
Date: 10/21/2005 6:01:00 PM
From Authorid: 56489
Well it looks like you got some really good advice, from some USM'ers. |
Date: 10/21/2005 9:24:00 PM
From Authorid: 35720
I don't have children, but I just wanted to comment- children are SO cruel. As I read your post, I honestly don't see WHAT could POSSIBLY be considered "stupid" about your son.. AT ALL. First of all, when he couldn't speak earlier in life, he used his own method of communication which certainly cannot be said of "stupid" people! I feel for him.. I think you should just continue offering him praise (you telling him how smart he is really does increase his confidence- I know when my mom says something like that to me, it means 100x more than if someone else would have said it.) Like you said, he's just catching up, and from the sounds of it, I'd say he's doing well. Just keep encouraging him as you've been doing.. and if these kids are really becoming a problem, maybe a meeting with a teacher is in due! There's NO excuse for making someone feel uncomfortable in school. I think the comments to this post heed good advice (like I said, I can't offer any because I have no experience in the matter).. you're doing fine, Merc. =) I wish the best to you and your son!! <333  |
Date: 10/22/2005 4:59:00 AM
From Authorid: 30747
Mercury with your persmission I would like to print out your post and send it to someone I think it would benifit a great deal. I know a family with a son exactly like yours and they are in the process of going through all the testing to find out what to call it. Reading your post gave me the chills because that is exactly him. DJ is 6, we all thought it was a mild form of autism but nothing conclusive yet. He spoke his own language too. When he was younger he got so angry and hyper because he couldn't express himself. He would hurt himself but never intentionally hurt anyone else. It's so sad. I understand how you feel even though I don't deal with it on a daily basis but I have been around it. You just want to pick up the kid and say "it will be alright". DJ is getting better but starting to realize he is different now too. You have quite the challenge on your hands and I know if anyone can handle this it's you. I would think that being honest and direct with your son might eliviate some of his frustrations. The important thing is that he don't put so much pressure on himself. He'll get there...it will just take longer but just imagine the achomplishments he will make compared to other children and how proud you both will be when he succeeds. I'm practically in tears myself thinking about that. I'm looking forward to you posting his tryumphs, no matter how big or how small. You keep writing about it and I, for one, will support you wholeheartedly in this journey. You are a very special mom.  |
Date: 10/22/2005 8:04:00 AM
From Authorid: 62100
Merc..I think that you are doing an exceptional job, and can I just say that you are a total inspiration??? Many of us take it for granted when our children are able to do things so easily that are a challenge to other kids..and honestly, I don't think alot of us would do even half the amazing job that you seem to be doing. Just keep loving, encouraging, and praising him..you're doing fine!!  |
|
Date: 10/23/2005 6:21:00 PM
From Authorid: 63112
Mercury, I just watched a program on Dateline about handicapped kids that have a genius talent for music. If you haven't exposed him to a piano or keyboard, maybe you could see if he enjoys playing on one. It's just another thought. - Francine |
|
Date: 10/25/2005 1:41:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 10245
Wow! Every last one of you are amazing! You know that, right? Thank you so much for your encouragement... I'm keeping this handy for those days I feel useless (It'll get a lot of use!) |
