Sometimes Life Seems Really Hard......................StarFire

I know that, right now, things are supposed to be looking up for me. I've left Sam's father. I have a roof over my head. Yes, it's a shelter for abuse victims, but at least my baby has a bed to sleep in. I have a job. And I'm getting an apartment soon. I filed for a low income apartment, and I've already signed the lease. We just have to wait until they figure out exactly what my rent and deposit are going to cost. So, you see, things should seem so much better than they did just a month ago. I don't know. It just seems like I have no freedom to make my own decisions. My cousin is getting married this weekend, and I can't go to the wedding, because I would have to be gone overnight, and they can't authorize the trip without knowing my exact checkout date from the shelter. I don't see what that has to do with going to my cousin's wedding. I really don't. And Sam has actually gotten worse since we've been here. They don't allow you to discipline your children at all in this place. I am not supposed to be afraid of my 2 year old son. But I am. He hits me, kicks me, throws hard objects at me. He's constantly screaming at me. I know most of it is the terrible 2's, but part of it is the fact that we're here. AND I CANT DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT. If I leave the shelter before I can move into my apartment, social services will take sam. If I stay, I don't think my sanity will last. Maybe it's just a case of nerves. Once I leave the shelter, I'll be completely on my own with my son. His father still doesn't want anything to do with him. And now he's cut us off financially, because I filed for child support. Unfortunately, I don't know when the support order will actually become final, and kick in. What am I supposed to do until then? I can't afford everything this kid needs by myself. Diapers, wipes, clothes, toys, it's all too much to afford at this point. I am so overwhelmed right now. I guess it's mostly because I don't really have anyone to talk to, and no real support system. But, ok, I'm just starting to ramble aimlessly, so I'm going to stop writing. Maybe I'll be able to work something out in the next couple hours and I can check out of this darn place.

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