Date: 8/16/2005 10:30:00 PM
From Authorid: 62915
I think your dad needs to understand that everyone needs help at one stage or another despite how hard we might try. If it was me Id ask and just do my best to ignore him when he goes on at me like that...  |
Date: 8/16/2005 11:07:00 PM ( Admin )
The answer is, you will always be a kid in your dads mind. I know, I'm a dad. The other thing is, as Dads we like to be thought of as being the person you turn to. The down side is sometimes getting the lectures.  Sounds like your dad needs some of the good old fashoned appreciation, deservingly or not. As his child you might want to really thank him and give him the big your the greatest speach. It might help him not lecture so much.  |
Date: 8/16/2005 11:54:00 PM
From Authorid: 37150
I am in a similar boat as you are...I am also 20, but i have recently moved out on my own and i'm paying for college with a loan i took out and that has worked out, however tho i have moved out my parents still take me for a kid. My dad especially. Both of my parents don't take me seriously so i am trying my darndest to show them i can do it on my own. But, I still need my dad's help as far as he pays for my cell phone bill and car insurance-i pay rent for my room and that covers utilities and such, my boyfriend helps me pay for groceries and other necessities-and i hate being dependent on him, but i can't do anything about it right now. My mother tho doesn't want my dad to help me, she says i moved out to be on my own that my dad shouldn't help me, but i disagree, as parents they are going to be parents no matter what and should be there to help you. My former room mate's mom still helps her out and she's on her own, too. My parents just aren't good parents and aren't doing their job, but my point is they try to make it seem like i need them and they shouldn't do that. You needed to turn to your father because you really needed it and if i had been in ur shoes-which i almost was cuz i thought my loan wasn't going 2 come thru in time-i would've had to ask my dad 4 money and both my parents would've given me an earful and would try to use it to their advantage to continue to try to control me. Having to ask for help doesn't make you less of a man, you tried your hardest, you said so yourself, and hey it happens where you still fail but I think it was a very brave thing you did to swallow your pride and take what your dad told you and went to him and asked for help. Most ppl would not have been able to sum up the courage to ask for help when they need it. I think it is a step for yourself and now u've got another shot at college. I believe you will show him that you can make it in due time. Best wishes and good luck and i hope you feel better about this whole thing. I totally understand about wanting to stick up for yourself and wishing you could've said something more to him, I am still in that situation. Your time will come. *hugs*  |
Date: 8/17/2005 4:20:00 AM
From Authorid: 30747
Guy, go to your father as a man. Don't let him intimidate you. There may be some truth in what he says and if you want to be a man you have to face up to that. Don't argue with him but don't back down. Look him straight in the eye and say "you may be right but I'm trying and some day I hope to live up to your expectations but for now, I need your help." You don't need your fathers approval to be a man. You need to look at yourself realisti cally and say "I will succeed this time". Parents never see their children as adults. What you are looking for is respect and you will get that if you truly do the best you can. It will come in time. In the mean time, don't let it ruin your confidence in yourself. What he thinks about you is not as important as what you think about yourself.  |
Date: 8/17/2005 10:46:00 AM
From Authorid: 53284
When I went off to college I decieded to pay my own way for many of the reasons that you did. I could have asked my parents for more help but I chose not to. When my kids went to college, we helped them. That was my gift to them. I didn't want them to have to work their way through school like I did. It's sad that your dad is behaving like he is. It's not your problem, I think that it's his. SO best of luck finding your way. At 20 years of age you're doing fine. When you get out of school and have a job be sure to take each of your parents out to dinner and thank them for all their help. That will blow their minds. It will also help you to see yourself as in control of your relationship with both parents.  |
Date: 8/17/2005 1:15:00 PM
From Authorid: 11240
I agree with what Radman said, and would take your dad's "lecture" as it were, as an invitation to spend more time with him; perhaps he'll get to know you better and the "guilt trips" may abate (don't count on it though; my husband uses the "guilt trip" routine more in a teasing or cajoling way, so maybe looking at it in that perspective would aleviate them being "guilt" trips). Also, you should be appreciative of any help he gives you (I don't know the status of the child support arrangements but if college costs weren't addressed at the time of divorce, then him helping you out IS a gift). Finally, you're not a "failure" in this situation -- you correctly guessed what he would say but you didn't let that sway you as you acted in a mature manner and asked him anyway. God Bless.  |
51061 Category:(Discussion) Created:(8/16/2005 10:13:00 PM)