My depressing reality......not exactly poetry..

So trapt, so alone,
knowing it will not end,
freedom is a lie,
love is non existant,
even if somone could care,
could I, I feel so empty,
dead inside...,
its cold in here,
with my mind,
useless to care,
pain is all I find,
nothing matters,
but to dull the pain,
save me from myself,
I am devoid of joy,
lost in the turents of chaos,
a world I hate and love,
it destroys my very thoughts,
I have no place here,
no reason to belonge,
I hate each waking day,
knowing it cannot end,
as all else fades away,
beauty tortures me without end,
these are just my thoughts,
why even ask me why,
in my mind im lost,
afraid to even try,
how can you say it will change,
you know so little of me,
ive sat here waiting so long,
trying to change,
to find somthing for me,
it doesnt exist,
and im too far gone,
no matter what I wish,
ill never have anything,
but what I am,
and then when all,
my loved ones pass,
nothing will hold me here,
even if I chose to stay,
I cant survive alone here,
my mind works a different way,
than what you think yours does,
in it there is endless pain,
and all my memorys fall away,
how can one exist here,
unable to do as all of you,
if only my mind wasnt harmed,
if only I could go somewere,
without getting lost,
im barely able to help myself,
dark thoughts consume me,
I exist like no one else,
they all have help,
nothing seems to help me,
meds only make me worse,
its almost like they want me,
to suffer untill it kills me,
such is the creulity,
of gods and man alke,
if it wasnt for my family,
id of already died,
not that death bothers me,
but why must all this happen to me,
it doesnt matter now,
nothing does, its all the same,
stagnite and unending,
you all think im just complaining,
though what would be the porpuse,
there is no help no chance,
and pity only enrages me,
this is nothing more then thoughts,
perhaps one day, they can save one,
who is like me, before he dies,
inside as I have died,

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