Date: 4/15/2005 7:32:00 AM
From Authorid: 15228
My elderly inlaws were in sort of the same situation. They gave their nephew $20,000.00 to remodel there kitchen. He did some work including tearing an outside wall out, packed up his tools one day, left and never came back...leaving a big gapping hole in the side of their house with winter on its way. He never paid any of the money back. The rest of the family pitched in and finished the kitchen. They chose not to tell the nephews parents what he had done because they didn't want to cause trouble in the family which I thought was a bunch of hogwash, but everyone respected their decision. I think his the parents probably knew, but chose to ignore it or were to embarrassed to say anything. Nothing will probably convince your mom-in-law that her son is no-good. Even if you showed pictures of his crimes she would still be in denial. Some people find it easier to ignore problems with their children than to face reality.  |
Date: 4/15/2005 7:36:00 AM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 10245
yeah, that's the thing... she won't see it, or doesn't want to or whatever. And that's fine if that's how SHE wants to handle herself. I guess my biggest issue is that everyone comes running to us to fill us in on his dasterdly deeds, but there's not a dang thing we can do with it. And then if we do decide that we need to rant a little, and she overhears it, the guilt trip starts. The guilt tripping is what I'd really like to stop.  |
Date: 4/15/2005 7:38:00 AM
From Authorid: 62881
I'd lock him up and throw away the key!  |
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Date: 4/15/2005 7:39:00 AM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 10245
so I guess that clarifies what my real question is... How do I lay down some boundries with her? I don't want to hear about them anymore, but I don't want to hurt her, either. |
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Date: 4/15/2005 7:41:00 AM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 10245
I've been wanting that for over 16 years, Froggy! It seems the only way to escape it all. Either that or move to the other side of the planet. Anything available on Mars yet? |
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Date: 4/15/2005 7:42:00 AM
From Authorid: 62881
I had to press charges against one of my cousins for stealing my rings while I was working. She also stole another cousin's ring. She got caught after she sold oneof my rings for $20.00 to another cousin. My sister sawit and newit was mine and told me about it. We had to go to mediation since it was all family members (court ordered). I got my ring back, so I let it go. My cousin made her pay 5 times what her ring was worth to let her part of it go. Funny...I let it go and she paid nothing...She talks to my cousin who made her pay all the time...Go Figure! |
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Date: 4/15/2005 7:43:00 AM
From Authorid: 62881
typo's!...knew it...I need to learn to hit the space button too! |
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Date: 4/15/2005 7:46:00 AM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 10245
he's into nabbing jewelry, too! he used to work for our flooring company. We had this one client that we had spent literally a couple years in her house and still had a few years worth of work left. It got to the point that they'd leave instructions for the kids with my husband when they had to step out. Total trust. She came home one day and knew he had done something not right, but it took her a week before she discovered her $7000 diamond anniversary ring had gone missing. We haven't heard from her since my husband returned it after beating it out of his brother. |
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Date: 4/15/2005 7:48:00 AM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 10245
He also trolls through medicine cabinets in clients homes. It's disgusting. |
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Date: 4/15/2005 7:53:00 AM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 10245
That's another thing. I think these kinds of people will do whatever they think they can get away with. My brother's an alcoholic and tried dragging me into his drama. I set limits and stuck with them. Haven't had an issue with him for a few years. That's really killing my husband... he sees the difference in how my family handled things, and how his family IS handling things. Our way forced my brother to respect our boundries. Their way shows his brother their just doormats willing to lay down for whatever abuse he decides he can dump on them.. |
Date: 4/15/2005 7:55:00 AM
From Authorid: 3648
I wish I had some good advice to give but I don't think I do...I can only say until the Mom allows herself to see her son for what he truly is the problems will continue along with the guilt trips. Until someone says "Enough" and puts their foot down
this person will forever do what he does without caring who he hurts...or until his death...  |
Date: 4/15/2005 7:58:00 AM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 10245
GEG... we have put out foot down on him. He knows not to show up at my house or he'll get a door slammed in his face. He found that out first hand  I don't know how to put my foot down on his mother. I don't want to have to slam the door in her face.... but it's getting to the point that even the thought of a visit with her gets me all riled up. |
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Date: 4/15/2005 8:00:00 AM
From Authorid: 3648
It's a real shame the mom is blind to evil ways of her son.... |
Date: 4/15/2005 9:03:00 AM
From Authorid: 30747
I can sooo relate to this situation. My brother is an alcholic who has stolen money and things from my mother and I for years. I cut myself loose from him but my mother is in denial BIG TIME. There was even a time he took her debit card and even ran out the over draft for thousands of dollars on things he bought over the internet. It took her a while to figure that out but he got away with it. He also calls her 3 or 4 times a day with his problems and mom constantly bails him out. She claims he's bipolar and can't help himself. The whole thing makes me sick. The last straw for me was when he stole my son's piggy bank and tried to cover that up with lies. I don't hid my discust of him from my mother but I am careful in what I say because she gets defensive of him and I want to scream at her. I look at it this way, if my mother wants to finance my brothers alcohol (and that will kill him soon enough) then let her. If she wants to keep losing her money, then I'm not going to stop her. There comes a time that you have to step back and think about your own sanity in these things and leave the rest in Gods hands. The same goes for other reletives involved. The next time your mother wants to come around like everything is peachy keen tell her you don't want to hear it anymore. Tell her it's none of your business and that's just the way you want it to be. Best of luck to ya.  |
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Date: 4/15/2005 9:58:00 AM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 10245
I don't know how to do that though. I know she's just trying to make conversation and she doesn't have anything else to talk about because they take up all of her time. I feel mean, and I don't like to feel mean. But I know I have to say something, eventually... |
Date: 4/16/2005 2:24:00 PM
From Authorid: 60685
Well, I see two choices, send him to jail once and for all or let him keep screwing up until one day he screws the wrong kind of people and ends up in a ditch somewhere, not to mention he could still end up like that thanks to his drug addiction.  |
Date: 4/17/2005 10:14:00 AM
From Authorid: 30786
What is everyone waiting for? If that was me, I would have pressed charges years ago. If nothing is done, he will continue to get worse and worse. Carl needs a major wake up call, and if no one has the spine to do it, then... who knows what he will end up doing. It almost sounds like he is trying to get caught. Keeping this from his mom isn't going to help, because he is bound to start doing this stuff to people outside your family and I'm sure they won't hesitate to bring the law in. I'm sorry that you have to deal with this person  |
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Date: 4/17/2005 2:37:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 10245
You guys make too much sense! LOL That's probably the biggest problem! I'm just the daughter-in-law... as far as my mother-in-law is concerned, it's none of my business. He's gonna end up dead in a ditch one of these dys... one way or another. |
