These are all by Jack Handey, that guy from Saturday Night Live. I love these!! Broken promises don't upset me. I just think, "why did they believe me?"
Instead of a Seeing Eye dog, what about a gun? It's cheaper than a dog, plus if you walk around shooting al the time, people are going to get out of your way. Cars too!
The tired and thirsty prospector threw himself down a the edge of the watering hole and started to drink. But then he looked around and saw skulls and bones everywhere. Uh-oh, he thought. This watering hole is reserved for skeletons.
One thing a computer can do that most humans can't is be sealed up in a cardboard box and sit in a warehouse.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I spent a dollar, because then, yahoo!, I'd have all my money back.
You know what makes good hair for snowman? REAL hair. Don't ask me why, but it works.
Don't ever get your speedometer confusedwith your clock, like I did once, because the faster you go the later you think you are.
I guess the hard thing for a lot of people to accept is why God would allow me tto go running through their yards, yelling and spinning around.
If I could be any kind of dog, I think I'd be one of those little yappy dogs, because while you're sitting there on the couch trying to sound real smart, I'm just sitting there, yapping away. Just yappin' and yappin', and there's nothing you can do about it, because I live here.
One thing about my aunt Nadie: she was gruff on the outside, but if you ever needed something, like a spanking or a scolding, she'd give it to you.
I don't pretend to have all the answers. I don't pretend to even know what the questions are. Hey, where am I?
14752 Category:(Humor) Created:(10/5/2000 10:26:00 PM)