= = = =MOMS BATHROOM RULES= = = = WOODEN NICKEL

MOM'S Bathroom Rules!

Attention, Kids!

The bathroom door is CLOSED.

Please do not stand there and talk, whine, or ask questions. Wait until I get out. Yes, it is locked. I want it that way. It is not broken, I am not trapped. I know I have left it unlocked and even open at times ever since you were born, because I was afraid some horrible thing might happen to you while I was in there, but it's been ten years now and I want some PRIVACY. Do not ask me how long I will be. I will come out when I am done. Do not bring the phone to the bathroom door. Do not go running back to the phone shouting, "She's in the BATHROOM!" Do not begin to fight as soon as I go in. Do not stick your little fingers under the door and wiggle them. That was funny when you were two. Do not slide pennies, Legos, or notes under the door. Even when you were two that got a little tiresome. If you have followed me down the hall talking, and are still talking as you face this closed door, please turn around, walk away, and wait for me in another room. I will be glad to listen to you when I am done. And yes, I still love you. ~ MOM ~

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Three scientists were in their lab one day and decided they were so smart they didn't need God anymore. One of the scientists went outside and starting talking to God. "God, we have decided that we don't need your help anymore, and to prove this, we want to have a contest. We believe we can build a human from scratch faster than you." God replied, "Ok, I'll take your challenge. Whoever makes a human first wins." Excitedly, the scientist raced inside to tell the others. A moment later they came out ready to begin. The first scientist reached down to grab some earth when lightning almost struck his hand. God replied, "Get your own dirt."

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Three old men are at the doctor for a memory test. The doctor says to the first old man, "What is three times three?" "274" was his reply.The doctor worriedly says to the second man, "It's your turn. What is three times three?""Tuesday" replies the second man.The doctor sadly says to the third man, "Okay, your turn. What's three times three"?"Nine" says the third man."That's great!" exclaims the doctor. "How did you get that"?"Jeez, Doc, it's pretty simple," says the third man. "I just subtracted 274 from Tuesday."

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Timmy was a little five year old boy that his Mom loved very much and, being a worrier, she was concerned about him walking to school when he started Kindergarten. She walked him to school for a couple of days but when he came home one day, he told his mother that he did not want her walking him to school everyday. He wanted to be like the "big boys." He protested loudly, so she had an idea of how to handle it.

She asked a neighbor, Mrs. Goodnest, if she would surreptitiously follow her son to school, at a distance behind him that he would not likely notice, but close enough to keep a watch on him. Mrs. Goodnest said that since she was up early with her toddler anyway, it would be a good way for them to get some exercise as well so she agreed.

The next school day, Mrs. Goodnest and her little girl, Marcy, set out following behind Timmy as he walked to school with another neighbor boy he knew. She did this for the whole week.

As the boys walked and chatted, kicking stones and twigs, the little friend of Timmy noticed that this same lady was following them as she seemed to do every day all week. Finally, he said to Timmy, "Have you noticed that lady following us all week? Do you know her?"

Timmy nonchalantly replied, "Yea, I know who she is."

The little friend said, "Well who is she?"

"That's just Shirley Goodnest" Timmy said.

"Shirley Goodnest? Who the heck is she and why is she following us?"

"Well," Timmy explained, "every night my Mom makes me say the 23rd Psalm with my prayers 'cuz she worries about me so much. And in it, the prayer psalm says, "Shirley Goodnest and Marcy shall follow me all the days of my life." so I guess I'll just have to get used to it.

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