All I Really Need To Know I Learned from Noah and the Ark:
1. Don't miss the boat.
2. Try to remember that we're all in the same boat.
3. Plan ahead. It wasn't raining when Noah built the ark, you know.
4. Stay fit. When you're 600 years old, someone might ask you to do something REALLY big.
5. Don't listen to critics, just get on with what has to be done.
6. Build your future on high ground.
7. For safety's sake, travel in pairs.
8. Two heads are better than one.
9. Speed isn't always an advantage; after all, the snails were on board with the cheetahs.
10. When you're stressed, try floating awhile.
11. Remember that the ark was built by amateurs; it was the Titanic that was built by professionals.
12. Remember that woodpeckers inside are a larger threat than storms outside.
13. No matter what the difficulty, trust in the Almighty: There'll be a rainbow at the end of the storm
Who was the funniest person in the Bible? Samson-He brought the house down
Who were the two shortest men in the bible? Bildad the Shuhite, and the soldier who slept on his watch.
Who is the greatest financer in the bible? Answer: Noah, because when the rest of the world was in liquidation he was floating his stock.
Who is the greatest female financer in the bible? Answer: Pharoh's Daughter, because she went to the Bank of the Nile and drew out a little prophet.
In Sunday school, the teacher was asked what Noah and his family did while they were on the ark.
The teacher said: "Well, I don't know, but maybe they were fishing". One little boy looked up at her and said: "I don't think they were fishing. At least not very much." "Why not?" asked the teacher. "Because they only had two worms".
Why was Moses the most wicked man? (He broke all 10 commandments at once.)
What animal could Noah not trust? (The cheetah)
What kind of lights did Noah have on the ark? (Flood lights)
How does a lawyer resemble a rabbi? (Lawyers study the law and the profits)
What are the 2 smallest insects in the Bible? (The widow's mite(Mark 12:42) and the wicked flea(Proverbs 28:1>
Who was the most ambitious man in the Bible? (Jonah-even a whale couldn't keep him down)
Who was the first canning factory run by? (Noah-he had a boatful of preserved pairs)
Why was Noah like a hungry cat? (He went 150 days without finding Ararat)
What is it that Adam never saw or had, yet left 2 of them for his children? (Parents)
What Bible character may have only been a foot tall? (Nicodemus-he was a ruler)
What did Jesus have in common with the fish that swallowed Jonah? (Jesus had dinner with a sinner, and the fish had a sinner for dinner)
How do we know Isaiah's parents were good business people? (They both raised a prophet)
During what season did Eve eat the forbidden fruit? (Early in the fall)
Why couldn't they play cards on the ark? (Noah was sitting on the deck)
Why did poor Job land in bed with a cold? (He had poor comforters)
How are rollerskates like the fruit in the Garden of Eden? (They come before the fall)
Who introduced salted meat to the Navy? (Noah-he took Ham on the ark)
Who slept five in a bed? (David-he slept with his forefathers)
Why did the people on the ark think the horses were pessimistic? (They kept saying neigh)
How do we know Abraham was smart? (He knew a Lot)
What was one of the first example of math in the Bible? (God told Adam to go forth and mulitply)
Why couldn't Cain please God with his offering? (He just wasn't Abel)
How did God keep the oceans clean? (With Tide)
What did Noah say as he was loading the Ark? ("Now I herd everything")
What did God say when Noah told him he wanted to build the ark out of bricks? ("No, Noah-go for wood"[gopherwood])
What was the name of Isaiah's horse? (Isme - He said "Whoa, is me!")
Was Noah the first one out of the Ark? (No, he came forth out of the ark)
Who in the Bible was a very lazy person? (The boy that loafs and fishes)
people can't understand the idea trinity. but this is only because we as humans once again do not listen to God. did he say add? no he told Noah to go forth and MULTIPLY! 1*1*1= 1
and adam was lonely he asked God" God can I have a mate to talk to, God said "yes adam but it will cost you a arm and a leg" adam thought about it and said"what can I get for two ribs"
who holds the high jump record in the Bible? Jesus , when he cleared the temple!
Who was the greatest sinner in the Bible? Moses:He broke all the Ten Commandments at once.
A 7-year old boy proudly tells his father: "I finally know what the Bible means!" Surprised the father replied: "What do you mean, you "know" what the Bible means? What does it mean?" "That's easy, dad.......It stands for Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth."
what did adam and eve do when they were kicked out of the garden of eden? They raised cain
Why was Boaz free? He was ruthless.
Where is King Solomon's temple located? On the side of his head.
How many animals did Moses take on the Ark? None. Moses didn't go on the ark, Noah did.
~*When God Sends People......They Make Excuses~*
Abraham was too old.
Moses stuttered.
Miriam was a gossip.
Jacob was a liar.
Gideon doubted.
Elijah was burned out.
First David's armor didn't fit, then he had an affair, and had someone killed.
Solomon was too rich.
Isaiah had unclean lips.
Jeremiah was too young.
Jonah didn't like the job.
Amos's only training was in the school of fig-tree pruning.
Naomi was a widow.
Peter was afraid of death.
Thomas was from Missouri (the "show-me" state)
Paul was a murderer.
Mark was rejected by Paul.
Timothy had ulcers.
Lazarus was dead.
Martha was a worry-wart.
...or so they claimed, before God's Spirit empowered them to rise to the occasion and become some of the greatest heroes of our faith.
Spiritual Thoughts for Today
A lot of kneeling will keep you in good standing.
He who kneels before God can stand before anyone.
To be almost saved is to be totally lost.
When praying, don't give God instructions - just report for duty.
Most people want to serve God, but only in an advisory position.
Coincidences happen when God chooses to remain anonymous.
If God is your co-pilot - swap seats.
God Bless USM!!!!
Keep a Rainbow in Your Pocket and a Smile in Your Heart
*Blue*
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