Date: 2/3/2005 4:41:00 PM
From Authorid: 27558
personally in my opinion you shouldn't be looking around is private files, but I guess in a way you can be upset but so can he if you look at his private files without his permission, I'm a stickler with Privacy so thats just my opinion.  |
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Date: 2/3/2005 4:42:00 PM
From Authorid: 27558
and I would be mad because where I go online and during the day is my personal business. |
Date: 2/3/2005 4:43:00 PM
From Authorid: 63041
Sigh...such a question this is. You will hear many answers of personal thoughts on this. My concern is you. Obviously the trust is still broken because of his past actions if you feel you must "be sure he is behaving". And if you each made a promise and he has broken it, well, I think there are deeper issues to resolve. Sneaking is never a nice thing to do, and admitting you did would be hard. But honesty is very needed I think. I wish you the very best in this.  |
Date: 2/3/2005 4:44:00 PM
From Authorid: 3835
Hmm, touchy subject.. I am solitaire so things like this do not affect me.. but I have a hard time digesting the fact it is considered as cheating.. I really do. I feel it over reacting.  |
Date: 2/3/2005 4:46:00 PM
From Authorid: 11341
My thought is if you have to police his every move, its not much of a relationship you guys have. I wish you the best.  |
Date: 2/3/2005 4:47:00 PM
From Authorid: 28946
I have a neighbor that divorced her husband because he cheated on-line saying if he'd do it on line while she was asleep in the next room, then what has he been doing when he isn't with her?  |
Date: 2/3/2005 4:47:00 PM
From Authorid: 62927
I restrain my chats for this. If I do not a certain person to know I don't write it down. I am just sharing if you do not want this same prison. *hugs* Celtic River  |
Date: 2/3/2005 4:49:00 PM
From Authorid: 36704
I agree with the others who have said that if you have to police him what kind of relationship do you even have.  |
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Date: 2/3/2005 4:51:00 PM
From Authorid: 28946
Isn't a relationship based on trust? I agree with DMK and the others though for it sounds like you are so sad and miserable. |
Date: 2/3/2005 4:51:00 PM
From Authorid: 14780
I do not question the pages that are being looked at and who my husband speaks with online. I talk to many many and as long as he can chat then I can too. If he wants to look at the naughty sites..so be it. Doesnt bother me a bit. I dont feel that it is cheating...to me if he is at home and not out on the town with the girl then its just fine with me.  |
Date: 2/3/2005 4:53:00 PM
From Authorid: 12118
If he's cheated on you before, you have a good reason to be suspicious. However, this broken trust in your relationship will take you nowhere fast. Your best bet is to get out while you can or else you'll be stuck in a relationship that is making you miserable. You going through life worrying about him cheating is no way to be. You should be happy in a relationship, not suspicious. *hugs*  |
Date: 2/3/2005 4:53:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 11348
The thing is, I love my boyfriend very much. I do not want to think he is cheating on me. The only reason I look at the history files is because I know he is breaking this promise to me. It's not like I am reading all of his emails or his chat conversations. I just know the sites he goes to. I really want our relationship to work but there isn't a lot of trust yet. I am trying to trust him because our relationship is very important to me. Penny, your comment is kind of where I am. I feel that if he does these things online, he might resort to something in real life. I can't bear the thought of being hurt again so I keep a watchful eye. I don't think that's wrong... I think it is just the actions of a hurt girlfriend trying to find a way to trust the only person in the world she truly loves.  |
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Date: 2/3/2005 5:00:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 11348
I am happy in our relationship and do not want to lose him. I'd be miserable without him. I think you are all kind of misunderstanding me. I don't follow him around and go through all of his private things, it was a one time thing and I happened to see that he had broken this promise we had. I am just afraid this behavior might lead to other things and based on the past, I have the right to feel this way. This does not mean I have a miserable relationship. |
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Date: 2/3/2005 5:02:00 PM
From Authorid: 28946
But Kritter, checking to be sure is setting yourself up to lose. When he finds out you are 'spying' he will either: a.-walk, and you lose. b.-cheat anyway because you think he is already. or c. decide you are paranoid and that it will take a lifetime and still never convince you that he is faithful. Sweetie, only you can change this around - don't confront him but let it go and try to dwell on the positives in the relationship and go from there. Okay? |
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Date: 2/3/2005 5:06:00 PM
From Authorid: 63041
But the only way to get trust back is to actually attempt to trust. Something made you look at the history...if it only happened the one time...something made you do it. Either his actions, or something he said. I understand the need to "check up"...but when does it stop? A broken trust, and a broken promise are very hard to get past. I would not presume to tell you that your relationship is bad, but can you go the rest of your life with him...always worrying? always wondering? That is a very hard, lonely, painful road. |
Date: 2/3/2005 5:10:00 PM
From Authorid: 34912
this sounds like a real wonderful relationship... maybe you two need to reconsider things. It doesn't sound like it's really working between you two. In fact, you seem toxic for each other. There's no doubt in my mind that you're staying for the wrong reasons (maybe things like your own insecurity, fear of being alone, having nowhere else to go). He obviously doesn't seem to be trustoworthy to you and yet you stay and play this game of checking up on him. You don't need Dr Phil to tell you it's time to break this relationship off.  |
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Date: 2/3/2005 5:11:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 11348
Well I think it would be different if I were reading his email or something. I would never do that to him. All I have done is look at the history which is just right there. Today is the first and only time I've done that and I actually happened on his stuff by accident. Originally I was looking for a site I had been to recently. I don't think what I have done is wrong. If you were cheated on in the past, do you really think it would be so easy to just forget about it and continue on? I am trying but it is a process. It's a process we would both rather go through than lose each other. |
Date: 2/3/2005 5:13:00 PM
From Authorid: 34487
My hubby and I have an agreement to tell each other if we are talking to someone and what it's about. We never chat about anything other than business or every day issues. If I found out he'd been betraying my trust...yes, I'd be very upset.  |
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Date: 2/3/2005 5:13:00 PM
From Authorid: 34912
just because you love someone doesn't mean tht relationship is right. It can still be destructive and disfunctional. Your case is a perfect example. Step out of your feelings for a moment and use your head and I think you'll see it clearly. |
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Date: 2/3/2005 5:14:00 PM
From Authorid: 34912
just so you know, cheating is the kryptonite of any relationship. It's almost impossible to get over it once it's done... just a caution to you. |
Date: 2/3/2005 5:14:00 PM
From Authorid: 42945
Not being in this position, I cant begin to know how you must be feeling...but with all this trust bit aside, that one is supposed to have with one another, and eventhough I wouldn't poke around checking into what he does on the net (he never gets on it anyway)on thinking about it, I dont think I would like it...but you would have to be careful about how you tackle this, if you speak with him about it, you could well regret it, only you can handle this...but whatever you do, be sure its what you really want to do....hugs  |
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Date: 2/3/2005 5:15:00 PM
From Authorid: 63041
Kritter...I can sense that you now think we are putting you on the "bad girl" list. Im not, and I can totally understand how hard it is to not be paranoid...and worry. Here is the bottom line....Your question...the reason for the post...was do we think online cheating is the same as cheating? The real question is DO YOU? And if you do, then its time to look at what you need to do. If the answer in no...then leave the history section alone, and do your best to trust him, until he gives you a reason not to. I wish you all the best. |
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Date: 2/3/2005 5:15:00 PM
From Authorid: 28946
Hon, I have been cheated on and know how it feels - it hurts! The doubts that seep in are overwelming sometimes and in my cases, the relationship ended because I was afraid to try to trust. I hope that you car more stronger than I was and overcome the doubts. |
Date: 2/3/2005 5:34:00 PM
From Authorid: 53836
I think the chatting part is harmless, but when you start viewing the pictures and stuff...especially some things I've heard about, I definitely concider that cheating. But normal chatting without all the cyber-bull is just fine. There is a definite line that's crossed when the spankings and photo-swaps start...and I am pretty sure it is pretty popular these days because they have websites set up for people married and looking...there's something about that that is so sick and twisted when concerning the other half....sad times  But cheating's been going on forever...it's just become easier. HUGS & MUCH LOVE  |
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Date: 2/3/2005 5:39:00 PM
From Authorid: 53836
I'm sure my husband doesn't like that most of my love poems aren't about him, LOL...but I'm a dreamer and in love with the idea of love and he knows I'm just out in the stratosphere. I don't chat much because in the past I have run into guys that don't seem to understand the concept of 'just friends' or where simple flirty flattery ends and I've been made to feel so uncomfortable in the past...not by anyone on USM though, I don't think. HUGS & MUCH LOVE |
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Date: 2/3/2005 5:39:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 11348
Yeah it's not just normal chatting I'm talking about SpaceCase. It's the other end of the spectrum. I think I tend to think of it as emotional cheating, but not the straight physical cheating. I just wonder if the two go hand in hand. |
Date: 2/3/2005 5:44:00 PM
From Authorid: 53836
and now to be right out blatant on my opinion of pornography and America and the internet. Whether anyone would want to outright admit it or not, looking at nude/indecent images can quickly become an addiction like anything else. And when the addiction begins, there are issues of denial and then guilt, during which time it is their every thought, and it causes a great divide and many other problems in their relationships. There is a reason God warned us all to avert the eyes...the very thought can lead to a sexual addiction and in the worst case, a rapist/murderer...who was twisted by porn...SO SAD! AVERT YOUR EYES, Says the Lord  I've always believed He says it best HUGS |
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Date: 2/3/2005 5:52:00 PM
From Authorid: 53836
oh...and then when the addiction is realized, it needs to be dealt with. People with this addiction need support just like other addictions. |
Date: 2/3/2005 5:58:00 PM
From Authorid: 52141
Looking at the pictures.. I s'pose thats one of them personal things.. Would i care if my boyfriend did it? yes! a very big strong loud yes at that.. I would mind very much.. why? well because one thats just sick two well again thats just sick and three if he must view them for whatever reason then he must feel that i'm not sufficient enough then he doesn't need me.. now if my boyfriend was cyber- with someone online then yes i view that as cheating.. your not with the person nothing physically in real life happened.. yet you are still being intimate with someone else.. and those that are umm dunno the word but i guess getting onto you for looking at the history.. is it not your computer to do with as you please? He could of easily deleted those files before you go to them if he was worried about being caught so obviously he's not.. you love the dude then sit down and talk with him if he walks out then he's not the one for you.. hard as that might sound but its true.. i've not ever been through a relationship with a guy that looked at pornography but i have been through one with the online cheating deal.. cheating is cheating real life or online.. goodluck kritter  |
Date: 2/3/2005 6:53:00 PM
From Authorid: 62915
I think it depends on the type of chatting. Id he forming emotional relationships with these people? Or is it just to get his thrills? However If you have agreed not to chat with anyone and he is doing it then he lied and broke a promise. It doesn't sound liek the relationship is working and it doesn't give you a lot to trust. Ghost-chick
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Date: 2/3/2005 7:16:00 PM
From Authorid: 58308
Kritter, I really don't know what to say because as far as my personal relationship with my hubby, it's honest. If you both made an agreement and that agreement was broken, I can see where you would be upset. I've said it a couple of times today... Trust is a BIG thing!! If there is a trust issue, it makes it hard on a relationship to work. I really wish you the best of luck in this and hope you find the happiness you deserve. *Hugs* Laura  |
Date: 2/3/2005 8:29:00 PM
From Authorid: 19460
I dont think anything on the internet could be called cheating. Unless you chat with someone and make plans and go hook up with them.  |
Date: 2/3/2005 9:07:00 PM
From Authorid: 6915
If you do consider it cheating and he knows it, yes  |
Date: 2/3/2005 9:41:00 PM
From Authorid: 24003
Emotional cheating yes.  |
Date: 2/4/2005 1:34:00 AM
From Authorid: 62146
yes this is cheating she he is doing, online of off line, if he is with another woman it is cheating.  |
Date: 2/4/2005 5:33:00 AM
From Authorid: 31765
Yep.  |
Date: 2/4/2005 6:08:00 AM
From Authorid: 60685
Honestly, most guys watch "things" on the net, some have mags under their bed, or some watch late night HBO, so basically I half expect that from a guy and don't think there's anything bad about it, unless they're into it 24/7 that is. As for chatting, unless they're flirting a lot, or basically go way beyond flirting with that person, I do see it as some sort of cheating. In my opinion I wouldn't be surprised by a little flirting either, I sometimes flirt and don't even realize it, it sometimes comes natural to some, again, it depends to how far he takes it. Either way, it's in the eye of the beholder, some see it as cheating, some don't, but the fact that you're even asking about it says you already think it's cheating, furthermore, I don't undertsand why you're surprised, you did check his history files, that alone says you never trusted him to keep the promise, I think trust is the building block of a lasting relationship, if you don't trust him save both yourselves sometime and break it off. I saw on your profile you're young, I gather he's too, perhaps neiher is ready for a commited relationship, if you are meant to be together it might just happen down the road, for now try to concentrate on being young and having fun with friends instead of being burdened by doubts.  |
Date: 2/4/2005 6:49:00 AM
From Authorid: 62675
I would be concerned. My ex did that and he cheated twice becuase of chatting!  |
Date: 2/4/2005 7:27:00 AM
From Authorid: 53052
i have seen many people fall inlove over the internet and marry the person who they love who they met online... so i dont consider internet relationships phsyical cheating but mentally and emotional cheating because they are giving emotions and feelings towards soemone else thier heart is not true  |
Date: 2/4/2005 5:25:00 PM
From Authorid: 12709
I would consider it cheating if my boyfriend did that to me..  |
Date: 2/4/2005 5:36:00 PM
From Authorid: 16442
Unlike the majority of posters here, I am not going to question your moral decisions those are for you to decide. As for the question, I feel that emotional involvement with someone while hiding it from your mate IS cheating. As for going to sites, no, there is no emotional aspect in that. Gina  |
Date: 2/5/2005 6:31:00 PM
From Authorid: 4144
i don't think it's cheating. even if there is trashy talk going on. unless they are making plans to meet i don't see a problem. my husband came home one night and i was looking for......naked pis to make my own wrapping paper. he walks in and there's naked guys on the screen. he just rolled his eyes, called me a twisted freak and walked out. he never even pays attention to what i am doing online. he knows it's just a computer and these chatrooms are just a bunch of strangers. i just replied to another post about trust and my opinion is that if you can't trust them they aint worth your time, attention or affection.  |
