Christmasism's..........SMoknJokes

Top Ten Things A Department Store Santa Doesn't Want To Hear From Kids;

10. "Remember me? I'm the kid with the weak bladder"

9. "You smell like supermarket gin"

8. "The real miracle on 34th Street would be if they accepted my mom's MasterCard"

7. "I want a 2004 Pontiac Aztec"

6. "Oh, by the way, if I don't get an X-Box, I'm gonna hunt you down, old man"

5. "I'm Jewish"

4. "I love you Kenny Rogers"

3. "Frankly I'm just here to humor my parents"

2. "While I'm talking to you, my mom is shoplifting blouses"

1. "Mom says you're my real daddy"

===========================================

It was the day after Christmas at a church in Los Angeles. The pastor of the church was looking over the cradle when he noticed that the baby Jesus was missing from among the figures. Immediately he turned and went outside and saw a little boy with a red wagon and in the wagon was the figure of the little infant Jesus. So he walked up to the boy and said, "Well, where did you get Him, my fine friend?" The little boy replied, "I got him from the church." "And why did you take him?" The boy replied, "Well about a week before Christmas I prayed to the little Lord Jesus and I told him if he would bring me a red wagon for Christmas I would give him a ride around the block in it."

======================================

Overhead on the Wise Men's Journey to Bethlehem:

* Man, I'm starting to get a rush from this frankincense!

* You guys ever eat camel meat? I hear it tastes like goat.

* You know, I used to go to school with a girl name Beth Lehem.

* What kind of name is Balthazar anyhow? Phoenician?

* Hey, do you either of you know why "MYRRH" is spelled with a "Y" instead of a "U"?

* Okay, whose camel just spit?

* What's that black sticky stuff coming out of the ground? Let's call it ESSO.

* All this staring at a star while riding a camel is making me woozy.

========================================

When I was young, my family was so poor that for Christmas we got batteries with a note attached saying "Toy not included."....((

Show all stories by   Author:  54570 ( Click here )