= = = THE STORY OF THE TREETOP ANGEL= = = WOODEN NICKEL

Santa was very cross. It was Christmas Eve and NOTHING was going right. Mrs Claus had burned all the cookies. The elves were complaining about not getting paid for the overtime they had put in while making the toys. The reindeer had been drinking all afternoon and were dead drunk. To make matters worse, they had taken the sleigh out for a spin earlier in the day and had crashed it into a tree.

Santa was furious. "I can't believe it! I've got to deliver millions of presents all over the world in just a few hours- all of my reindeer are drunk, the elves are on strike and I don't even have a Christmas tree! I sent that stupid Little Angel out HOURS ago to find a tree and he isn't even back yet! What am I going to do?"

Just then, the Little Angel opened the front door and stepped in from the snowy night, dragging a Christmas tree. He says, "Yo, fat man! Where do you want me to stick the tree this year?"

And thus, the tradition of angels atop the Christmas trees came to pass...

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It's true that I can't ever Stop thinking about you, So I'm sending you this little note To show my love is true...

It's not because of obligations To a holiday tradition, So I'd hate for you to think I've had a cange of dispositon.

This time of year seems to serve As a little reminder to me - Sometimes I forget how special Three simple words can be.

I feel I may neglect to say Those special words, it's true - I don't tell you often enough Just how much I love you.

The truth is simple really, I think that you should know It's not just the holiday season, Year round you set my heart aglow.

I Love You SO MUCH!

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A Minister had gotten about two-thirds through his sermon when he found an unexpected shortage of manuscript. After fumbling it a moment he said, "My good friends, I find the last pages of my discourse have gone. I think my favorite dog must have gotten some of them yesterday and eaten them. You must excuse me from the remainder of the discourse."After Service, a meek little woman from another parish introduced herself and said, "I was much interested in that dog of yours and its performance yesterday, and might I ask a question?" "Certainly, madam." "I want to know if it has any puppies, for I should like to take one home to my minister."

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An elderly lady phoned Verizon to report that her telephone failed to ring when her friends called - and that on the few occasions when it did ring, her pet dog always barked right before the phone rang.

The telephone repairman proceeded to the scene, curious to see this psychic dog or senile elderly lady. He climbed a nearby telephone pole, hooked in his test set, and dialed the subscriber's house.

The phone didn't ring right away, but then the dog barked loudly and the telephone began to ring. Climbing down from the pole, the telephone repairman found:

1. The dog was tied to the telephone system's ground post via an iron chain and collar.

2. The dog was receiving 90 volts of signaling current when the phone number was called.

3. After several such jolts, the dog would start barking and then urinate on the ground.

4. The wet ground would complete the circuit, thus causing the phone to ring.

Which goes to show that some problems can be fixed by just pEEing on them.

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A very drunk lady walked into a bar shortly before closing time, sat at the bar and ordered, "Barbender, barbender, I would like a Martoutsy." The bartender brought her a Martini, which she drinks in one gulp.

"Barbender, I would like another Martoutsy", again the bartender brought her a Martini. By this time the lady is leaning heavily forward, barely able to hang on. She called, "Barbender, your Martoutsys are giving me heartburn."

Patiently, the bartender came near her and said, "Lady, I am not a barbender, but a bartender, and what you have been drinking is not a Martoutsy, but a Martini, and finally, you do not have heartburn, your breasts are hanging in the ashtray."

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A minister decided to do something a little different one Sunday morning. He said, "Today, in church, I am going to say a single word and you are going to help me preach. Whatever single word I say, I want you to sing whatever hymn that comes to your mind.

The pastor shouted out, "CROSS." Immediately, the congregation started singing in unison, "THE OLD RUGGED CROSS."

The pastor hollered out, "GRACE." The congregation began to sing, "AMAZING GRACE, how sweet the sound."

The pastor said, "POWER." The congregation sang, "THERE IS POWER IN THE BLOOD."

The pastor said, "SEX." The congregation fell in total silence.

Everyone was in shock. They all nervously began to look around at each other, afraid to say anything. Then, all of a sudden, way from in the back of the church, a little old 87 year old grandmother stood up and began to sing, "PRECIOUS MEMORIES."

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