= = = = = " YOUNG THOUGHTS " = = = = = WOODEN NICKEL

"Young Thoughts"

Young teen to friend: "I'll never understand girls, even if I should live to be twenty."

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Frustrated fem: "And if I turn you down, you'll kill yourself, right ?"

Anxious boy: "Well... that's what I usually do."

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"Ohhhh Harold." wailed the young miss. "If there was a weather report on your brain, it would be 'Dense fog -- relative stupidity 100%'."

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As they were parked in front of her house, the young girl told her date, "You know, we're an awful lot like Romeo and Juliet. My dad sez he's going to kill you."

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A young teen sent his girlfriend a dozen long stemmed roses. It had the following note on the attached card: "With all my love, and most of my allowance.

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The Yuppie and Yuppette, ever alert to "appearances", were both very concerned over the girl their son was dating.

"Son..." the Father began, "I should think you'd be a little more particular over the company you keep."

"Dad," the boy replied, "If you're talking about Mitzi, I'm sorry but she's the best girl I can get with the car I have."

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The scrawny young miss with train-track braces on her teeth and an overly large retainer was hanging near the library's information desk as if she wanted to ask a question, but was afraid to. Finally, the librarian smiled at the shy lil' girl and said, "Is there something I can help you find ?"

"Well..." she blushed. "Would you know if you have a current copy of 'Scouting for Boys?'"

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In spite of all of today's modern technology, adolescence remains that period of time in a young man's life where he refuses to believe that some day he'll be just as dumb as his Father.

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Teenage girl to boyfriend: "One would never realize it by dating you, but American teenagers spend over 14 billion dollars a year just on entertainment."

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A news story said the police caught a guy trying to cash a phony check and took him down to the station. While the officers were distracted, the crook grabbed the check off the desk and swallowed it.

No problem: the police waited five or six hours and then charged the guy with passing a bad check twice...

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"You and your husband don't seem to have an awful lot in common," said the new tenant's neighbor. "Why on earth did you get married?"

"I suppose it was the old business of 'opposites attract'," was the reply. "He wasn't pregnant and I was."

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A doctor told Mrs. Stone to give her husband one pill a day and one drink of whiskey to improve his stamina. A month later, when Mrs. Stone came in for another visit, the doctor asked, "How are we doing with the pill and the whiskey?"

Mrs. Stone answered, "Well, he's a little behind with the pills, but he's about six months ahead with the whiskey."

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One old man was sitting on a park bench talking to a new acquaintance.

"I'll tell you," he said, "I've learned that arthritis is the cruelest disease."

"Crueler than cancer?" his friend asked.

"You bet," the first codger replied. "It makes every single one of your joints stiff, except the right one."

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In the back woods of Kentucky, the redneck's wife went into labor in the middle of the night, and the doctor was called out to assist in the delivery.Since there was no electricity, the doctor handed the father-to be a lantern and said, "Here, you hold this high so I can see what I'm doing." Soon, a baby boy was brought into the world. "Whoa there," said the doctor."Don't be in a rush to put the lantern down...I think there's yet another one to come."Sure enough, within minutes he had delivered a baby girl. "No, no, don't be in a great hurry to be putting down that lantern. . . It seems there's yet another one in there!" cried the doctor.The Redneck scratched his head in bewilderment, and asked the doctor, "Do you think it's the light that's attractin' 'em?"

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