Date: 11/4/2004 11:00:00 PM
From Authorid: 17081
You have to hang tough for your kids sake. Whatever it takes. Look into programs that can help you out. Ask your family for help. If you run away, it will just get worse. Save all the money you can. If you are smoking, stop smoking and save the money you would have spent on cigs. Paying for the internet. Do you really need the internet? Stop the drugs. Number one priority is your kids.  |
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Date: 11/4/2004 11:00:00 PM ( Admin )
Each parent had the fear of not being able to support their family, it's a chance we take. Hang in there and do your best that's what all of us are trying to do. All things will pass in time and you will see this as history in the future. |
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Date: 11/4/2004 11:02:00 PM
From Authorid: 17081
I hope all works well for you. I don't want you to give up. Sorry if I sounded harsh. Take Care. |
Date: 11/4/2004 11:10:00 PM
From Authorid: 3642
I pray ya hear the right answers have faith < some times things are out of our control ,and thats all we have ,the rest will come.  |
Date: 11/4/2004 11:13:00 PM
From Authorid: 16671
I really dont know what to tell you, I didn't want to make snap judgments as I dont know you well, so I went to some of your posts and read a little more about you. Seems like you have had a tough time and now days trying to raise kids is so hard when your a single mother, especially when you have no one to help you. So I'm thinking you have several options here that may help you. ALL of us love our children that does not mean that we can financially take care of them when it seems something is hitting us in the face all the time.
1. You can try and find a place to live in the ad's for roomates. Sometimes its another single mother with trouble like you and you can even exchange child care with each other. This way the bills are not so high.
2. As hard as it is to give up your child, if you end up having to do that, just remember this eventually that child will grow older and they will want to know you.eventually they will be in your life again and you will have to explain how it was a choice of them starving and doing without if they stayed with you, or not being with you and being well fed and maybe having the things they need.
3. You can get on line and look up different churches that have half way houses , ya know somewhere to live and get help until you can get on your feet, this way you and your child can stay together. I wish you the best of luck and I wish I was rich or even well off so I could help you financially, but we too struggle day to day, raised four kids that way. I wish you the best, and please talk to God, HE can find a way where no one else can.  |
Date: 11/4/2004 11:18:00 PM
From Authorid: 28190
I wish I could help, but I havent ever been or associated with a situation like this. All I can think of, is merely advice that might help. Don't run from this sweety, your child needs you and he needs you to fight. If someone is, indeed, hurting him, then he needs someone to take a stand for him because he is too little to do it himself. Look into state programs, I know its humbling, but there are a lot of them out there and you could possibly qualify for some of them. Don't lose faith, and just do your best. No one knows your son better than you, and you know in your heart what you must do to keep your baby. If you are still using drugs, then first you have to be willing to quit them for yourself and for the welfare of your child. Find a good AA or NA group to join. Will-power is much easier gained through support, and it will help show the social workers that you are taking a step in the right direction. Maybe you can find a good housing program until you get on your feet and save a little money up. I know they have programs here in Alabama for those, so they have to have them there somewhere. I wish you luck, and strength to get through this. And I sincerely hope that things work out for the best. *huge hugs*  |
Date: 11/4/2004 11:24:00 PM
From Authorid: 37843
Personally I think you did the right thing by telling his father to bring him back right away. You will be ok, God would NEVER give you more than you could handle, ask Him for help, He is there. Do you have family you could live with? Apartments.com is a good place to find apartments, you can look for apartments within your budget. Just have Faith and you'll be alright, good luck. ~~  |
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Date: 11/4/2004 11:25:00 PM
From Authorid: 17081
http://www.focusas.com/NorthDakota.html Here's a link from your state where there is help for families. |
Date: 11/4/2004 11:25:00 PM
From Authorid: 17275
Good luck to you Starfire, you have to give yourself credit and have confidence you can take care of your son. There have to be programs out where you live that assist single parents with child care, housing ect. Seek and you shall find! Good luck and God Bless you!  |
Date: 11/4/2004 11:56:00 PM
From Authorid: 62915
Yes you did the right thing by taking him away from his father. Abuse is a terrible thing and if you feel like you are becoming neglectful you can now make the right decision. Keep in mind about what is right for your child. If you would like some tips on raising children and discipline etc please pm me as I learnt a lot of things on my course which will help me be a better mum when my time comes. Good luck and don't be afraid to ask for help  Ghost-Chick  |
Date: 11/5/2004 2:21:00 AM
From Authorid: 46530
You have put yourself into ahrd positions twice now, by having children that you could not support, but I know that these things happen. Having gone through an adoption process myself I know that these children, when they are fully grown, will more than likely want to get to know you again, I did at 16 years old and found my real mother again. The first child that you "gave up" to his father was probably a good decision if you could not support him, the second child you are at the decision point, but I cannot for the life of me understand why you would give him into his dad's care if this has done this to you before! You do have a choice to fight against the social services, as they are probably basing this case on what you have done before, obviously if you are still a substance abuser then you don't have a leg to stand on, but if you are no longer doing this then you should fight. Whatever you decide I wish you luck, for your children's sake, as I know what it is like to be forced not to see your family for extended periods of time  |
Date: 11/5/2004 4:39:00 AM
From Authorid: 62876
First off, I have to say that it had to be difficult to openly discuss this, knowing that others may judge you harshly. Being a mother is a difficult job, and takes someone that will stand up and fight and be there for their children, and to sometimes sacrifice your own feelings and wishes. I hope this doesn't sound mean, but no matter how sad, tired, or weak you feel this isn't about you; it is about the best interests of your son. He needs you to be strong right now. This has to be hard, and I am not trying to trivialize it in any way, but I am sure if he could tell you, he wouldn't want you to give up on him. Although I have never been in this situation, for me in times of stress, if I sit down and think about how I got to this place, it usually comes down to a wrong choice I made, and it helps me to figure my way out, and not make those choices again. I wish you all the luck in the world. I am a mommy, too, and my precious angels are my world, so I can understand how much pain you must feel...HipChik  |
Date: 11/5/2004 5:31:00 AM
From Authorid: 41744
stay strong and hopefully everything will work out
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Date: 11/5/2004 5:39:00 AM
From Authorid: 18928
I don't really have any good advice to offer here. I can just say that I'm sure most people have no clue what it's like to go through this, and I hope that any others that do will contact you. It shows your pain by sharing this incredibly painful, personal story with us. I believe that your heart has always been in the right place even though that is not enough sometimes. Stay strong for your son, it sounds like you are the best voice he has right now. Please keep us updated. I wish you the best. ((hugs))  |
Date: 11/5/2004 7:45:00 AM
From Authorid: 30747
That is a tough situation to be in. I was a single mom for 12 years and I know how hard that is. I didn't have half the problems you did though. I had a supportive family structure and the opportunity to work my way through college at the age of 36. I can only imagine how alone and scared you must feel. Let the past be the past and start thinking about the future. If you really want to be with Samuel, and I believe you do, you know what it will take. Make it happen.  |
Date: 11/5/2004 11:10:00 AM
From Authorid: 26363
Can your aunt help out or even petition to adopt him herself? I'm sorry you are going through this but maybe if you use social services to your advantage you may have a fighting chance. Seek help through them and perhaps with their backing he will be returned to you. Best of luck.  |
Date: 11/5/2004 11:57:00 AM
From Authorid: 48941
I am so sorry for you, I don't know what you are going through but I can honestly say I have been through something similar. When I went through my divorce five years ago I was going through a tough time trying to take care of my three kids dealing with abuse I had went through as a child coming to the surface and haveing to deal with it, and also at the time I had been diagnosed with breast cancer. I was working three jobs and not getting anywhere. I finally had to make the biggest mistake of my life and give my children to my ex husband and my daughters father. It is toughest thing I have ever done and have regreted it to this day. I was on top of everything else an alcohloic, never in front of my children but whenever they were not around,I was hitting the bottle. It took me up to a year and a half ago to finally realize how messed up my life was and losing my kids and everything else, and finally woke up. I even left state for a year,running from the police because I was not paying my support and had a capias out for me. But doing that was the best thing that ever happened to me, in that year I came to realize that I needed to change my life and grow up and realize I had three beautifull children that needed me who I had put on the back burner. I straightened out my life in that year, came home faced my skeletons in the closet, did thirty days in jail for not paying my support got out and started a new life and now put my children frist, work, pay my support, and it has gotten so much better that one of my sons has moved back in with me. But I do have to say one thing if it was not for the support of my fiancee all these years I would not have been able to do it, he stuck by me when no one else would even my family. I didn't mean to babble on and on, but I just wanted you to know there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Just keep your head up and keep going don't ever give up ever your kids deserve that much from you. If you ever need to talk I am here.  |
55755 Category:(Discussion) Created:(11/4/2004 10:48:00 PM)