“Coalition of the Willing”..posted by Rusure

So just how willing are those members of the "Coalition of the Willing," the 30-some countries the Bush Administration touts as "standing shoulder to shoulder with us" in the current mess in Iraq?

Poland – President Bush was quick to remind John Kerry that our staunch ally Poland is behind us all the way over there in Iraq. Our research disclosed that Polish army sausage chefs have been keeping key supplies of Kielbasa headed for the front lines, night and day, to feed hungry U.S. troops. When asked by a reporter where the danger was in making sausage, a Pentagon spokesman replied, "Hey, have you ever seen the blades on one of those sausage machines?"

Iceland – Did you ever try to eat a hot Kielbasa without a nice cold drink? The Icelandians are providing the ice.

Denmark – Lest one think that none of our allies besides the Brits have come forth with actual troops, let’s not forget our Scandinavian friends from Denmark, who have committed an entire division of crack ski troops to the Iraq war effort. They’re ready to swoop in and join the battle, just as soon as the Iraqi desert sprouts mountains and the temperature drops about a hundred degrees Fahrenheit. (Meanwhile they’re standing by in Denmark eating Danish).

Eritrea – Yes, that Eritrea. So what can a small, desperately poor African country like Eritrea contribute to a large war effort like this one? Our researchers couldn’t determine this for sure, but suspect that the Eritreans may be supplying low-calorie subsistence meals to those few U.S. troops who remain overweight despite long, hard shifts in the intense Iraqi heat. You’d lose weight too on dried beans and rat livers.

Palau, the Solomon Islands and the Marshall Islands – Who can run a war without grass skirts and hula dancers for the U.S.O. shows?

Colombia – 24-hour coffee service, air-mailed in.

El Salvador – Bananas are high in potassium, which is critical for our guys’ nutrition. And the Salvadorans are more than happy to ship them over (so long as they can drop them off somewhere safe, like Miami).

Afghanistan – Nobody here can figure out why they’re on the White House’s list, since Afghan troops can’t even keep order in Afghanistan. But a nice thought.

Albania, Bulgaria, Estonia, Georgia, Hungary, Lithuania, Macedonia, Romania, Slovakia & Uzbekistan – Has a mightier group ever been assembled? Well, yes. All of these countries are former Soviet republics or Communist Bloc nations, and all want to make nice with Uncle Sam so they can get some foreign aid. Their contribution: 50-year-old Soviet armaments, just in case we run out of the good stuff.

Japan – What’s that? No troops? I guess they’ll be serving the sushi at the victory party. Now if we only knew which side they’ll be serving…

An additional ten to fifteen countries who wish to remain anonymous – Yes, believe it or not, the White House says that a number of our "coalition partners" would rather not have their identities known publicly. You can just imagine how much they’re doing if nobody knows they’re for us. Moral support is great, especially when it’s secret and you’re the one who’s getting shot at.

Mongolia – Horse warriors in reserve, "just in case."

Micronesia – Tiny little soldiers sneaking around undetected? A major power – expect them to turn the tide. After all notice the progress we have made since the discovery of micro-scopes, micro-waves, micro-phones, micro-chips.

Copied and edited from: www.barryrabin.com. Not posted in the appropriate category, so sue me. ;)

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