= = " Don't ever underestimate us old geezers." WOODEN NICKEL

The banker saw his old friend Tom, an eighty-year

old rancher, in town. Tom had lost his wife a year

or so before and rumor had it that he was marrying

a "mail order" bride.

Being a good friend, the banker asked Tom if the

rumor was true. Tom assured him that it was. The

banker then as! ked Tom the age of his new bride

to be. Tom proudly said, "She'll be twenty-one in

November."

Now the banker, being the wise man that he was,

could see that the sexual appetite of a young

woman could not be satisfied by an eighty-year-old

man. Wanting his old friend's remaining years to be

happy the banker tactfully suggested that Tom

should consider getting a hired hand to help him

out on the ranch, knowing nature would take its

own course. Tom thought this was a good idea and

said he would look for one that afternoon.

About four months later, the banker ran into Tom

in town again. "How's the new wife?" asked the

banker. Tom proudly said, "Oh, she's pregnant."

The banker, happy that his sage advice had worked

out, continued, "And how's the hired hand?"

Without hesitating, Tom said, "She's pregnant too."

Don't ever underestimate us old geezers.

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Dear Mom,

Scoutmaster Webb told us to write our parents in case you heard about the flood and got worried. We're all okay. Only one of our tents and two of our sleeping bags got washed away. Nobody drowned because we were all on the mountain looking for Chad when it happened. Oh yeah, please call Chad's mother and tell her he's okay. He can't write her because of the cast on his arm.

I got to ride in one of the search and rescue jeeps! It was neat! We never would have found him in the dark if it hadn't been for all the lightning.

Scoutmaster Webb got mad at Chad for going on a hike alone without telling anyone. Chad said he did tell him, but it was during the fire, so he probably didn't hear him.

Did you know that if you put gas on a fire, the gas can will blow up? It was so cool! The wet wood still wouldn't burn, but one of our tents did, and some of our clothes. Boy, Johnny is going to look weird until his hair grows back!

We'll be home Saturday if Scoutmaster Webb gets the car fixed. It wasn't his fault about the wreck. The brakes worked good when we left. But he said with a car that old you have to expect something to break down. That's probably why he can't get insurance. We think it's a neat car. He doesn't care if we get it dirty, and if it's hot, sometimes he lets us ride on the tailgate. It gets pretty hot with 15 people in the car. He let us take turns riding in the trailer until the highway patrolman stopped and yelled at him.

This morning all of the guys were diving off the rocks and swimming out in the lake. Scoutmaster Webb wouldn't let me because I can't swim, and Chad was afraid he would sink because of his cast, so he let us take the canoe across the lake. It was great. You can still see some of the trees under the water from the flood. And Scoutmaster Webb isn't crabby like some scoutmasters. He didn't even get mad about us leaving the life jackets behind. He has to spend a lot of time working on the car, so we're trying not to cause him any trouble.

Guess what? We passed our first aid merit badges. When Dave dove in the lake and cut his arm, we got to see how a tourniquet works. Also, Wade and I threw up. Scoutmaster Webb said it probably was just food poisoning from the left over chicken. He said they got sick like that with the food they ate in prison. I'm so glad he got out and became our scoutmaster. He said he figured out how to do things better while he was doing time.

I have to go now. We are going in to town to mail this and buy some bullets and more gasoline. Don't worry about anything. We are doing just fine.

Love, Your son

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The headmistress of a girls' school asked a male friend who was an author to give a talk to the pupils about sex. After much persuasion, the man agreed but was too embarrassed to tell his wife. So he told her that he was addressing the school on sailing and wrote an appropriate entry in his diary for that day. The day after the talk, the headmistress met the wife in the street. "Your husband was wonderful yesterday, so illuminating. I know my girls learned a lot from him."

"I can't think how," said the wife. "He's only tried it twice. The first time he was sick and the second time he lost his hat."

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One day, an Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman walked into a pub together. They proceeded to each buy a pint of Guinness. Just as they were about to enjoy their creamy beverage, three flies landed in the pints, and were stuck in the thick heads.

The Englishman pushed his beer away from him in disgust.

The Scotsman fished the offending fly out of his beer and continued drinking it as if nothing had happened.

The Irishman picked the fly out of his drink, held it out over the beer and then started yelling, "SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUT !"

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There were three little babies sitting next to each other in shopping carts in the grocery store.

The first little baby said, "Ugh, the worst thing in the world -- my mom just bought pablum!"

The second baby said, "Well, this is worse -- my mom just bought strained peas!"

The third baby said, "You think that's bad. How would you like to share a breast with a guy that smokes cigars!"

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My grandfather came to America to gain freedom, but it didn't work. My grandmother came over on the very next boat.

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What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog? A dog only takes a couple of months to train.

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"Never tell the truth to people who are not worthy of it." -Mark Twain

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