= = = = = THIS IS HYSTERICAL = = = = = WOODEN NICKEL

This is hysterical! And some of you have probably already read it. But it does strike home. Make sure you read the whole thing... There is a serious message at the end, but you get to laugh on the way there. Now go out and have your mammies grammed!

For years and years they told me, Be careful of your breasts. Don't ever squeeze or bruise them. And give them monthly tests.

So I heeded all their warnings, And protected them by law. Guarded them very carefully, And I always wore my bra.

After 30 years of astute care, My gyno, Dr. Pruitt, Said I should get a Mammogram "OK," I said, "let's do it."

"Stand up here real close" she said, (She got my boob in line), "And tell me when it hurts," she said, "Ah yes! Right there, that's fine."

She stepped upon a pedal, I could not believe my eyes! A plastic plate came slamming down, My hooter's in a vise!

My skin was stretched and mangled, From underneath my chin. My poor boob was being squashed, To Swedish Pancake thin.

Excruciating pain I felt, Within it's viselike grip. A prisoner in this vicious thing, My poor defenseless tit!

"Take a deep breath" she said to me, Who does she think she's kidding?!? My chest is mashed in her machine, And woozy I am getting.

"There, that's good," I heard her say, (The room was slowly swaying.) "Now, let's have a go at the other one." Have mercy, I was praying.

It squeezed me from both up and down, It squeezed me from both sides. I'll bet SHE'S never had this done, To HER tender little hide.

Next time that they make me do this, I will request a blindfold. I have no wish to see again, My knockers getting steam rolled.

If I had no problem when I came in, I surely have one now. If there had been a cyst in there, It would have gone "ker-pow!"

This machine was created by a man, Of this, I have no doubt. I'd like to stick his balls in there, And see how THEY come out!

Mail this to 13 other females. Now, don't break the chain! One female broke the chain, her plumbing became so bad, she now has an outhouse!

OK gals, now that you have had your laugh, remember...



Breast Cancer Awareness...

Go have those boobs checked out and stay healthy! Pass the message on to your mothers, sisters, daughters, aunts, cousins, friends -- and even your enemies ? because the WORST enemy - is Breast Cancer!!!

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Laughter is the sun that drives winter from the human face.

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A group of us, exhibitors of greyhounds, were waiting our turn to enter the ring for judging. One of us was an attractive young lady anxious to show her new hound. Just before we were called into the ring the hound jumped up and placed his paws on her chest. The unfortunate part was that, unknown to his owner, he had stepped in a dog mess. The result was that there were two quite evident splotches on her blouse. Undaunted she quickly put on a cardigan sweater so as to cover things up and entered the ring along with the rest of us. As we were standing awaiting the judge, a fellow exhibitor who was next to our unfortunate soul, made several loud sniffing sounds and then uttered, "Pardon me, but do you happen to have some grey poop on?"

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THANKS FOR BEING SO COOL Some people feel like they have to show off to get attention. Some people only care about money. Some people are crazy. Some people are goofy. Some people are freaky. Some people are spooky. Some people are down right scary. You are none of those things! In a world full of shady characters... I just wanted to say Thank You for being one of the coolest people I know!

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The Michaels family owned a small farm in Canada, just yards away from the North Dakota border. Their land had been the subject of a minor dispute between the United States and Canada for generations. Mrs. Michaels, who had jurt celebrated her ninetieth birthday, lived on the farm with her son and three grandchildren. One day, her son came into her room holding a letter. "I just got some news, Mom," he said. "The government has come to an agreement with the people in Washington. They've decided that our land is really part of the United States. We have the right to approve or disapprove of the agreement. What do you think?" "What do I think?" his mother said. "Jump at it! Call them right now and tell them we accept! I don't think I could stand another one of those Canadian winters!"

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The mind of a six-year old is interesting. This is a true story. One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs to her class. She came to the part of the story where the first pig was trying to accumulate the building materials for his home. She read, "...and so the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full of straw and said, "Pardon me, sir, but may I have some of that straw to build my house?" The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that man said?" After several moments, a little boy raised his hand and said, "I think he said "Holy CRAP! A talking pig!" The teacher was unable to teach for the next 20 minutes.

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The minister had preached a vigorous and thoughtful sermon, and several of the congregation rushed up to congratulate him. One lady gushed, "Father, every sermon you preach is better than the next one!"

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The minister's little six-year-old girl had been so naughty during the week that her mother decided to give her the worst kind of punishment. She told her she couldn't go to the Sunday School Picnic on Saturday. When the day came, her mother felt she had been too harsh and changed her mind. When she told the little girl she could go to the picnic, the child's reaction was one of gloom and unhappiness. "What's the matter? I thought you'd be glad to go to the picnic." her mother said. "It's too late!" the little girl said. "I've already prayed for rain!"

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Seven months pregnant, my hand on my aching back, I stood in line at the post office for what seemed an eternity. "Honey," said a woman behind me, "I had back pain during my pregnancy. I was bedridden for four months because my baby was sitting on a nerve." The man in front of me piped up, "You'd better get used to it now. Once those young 'uns get on your nerves, they can stay there till they're 18."

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