Date: 10/4/2004 12:34:00 PM
From Authorid: 13119
Yes I have and in response to the betrayal I cut them out of my life for good. And if the person you are referring to doesn't care what they have done then they are not worth your time or effort. Kinda like that saying "fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me"  |
Date: 10/4/2004 12:39:00 PM
From Authorid: 62675
I cried forever!!! And lost a bunch of weight. I don't think I every truly got over it. I wouldn't say I have trust issues but I am not as nieve as I once was. This probably didn't help any, sorry.  |
Date: 10/4/2004 12:45:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 11097
Hi Magoo, first thank you very much for your comment. Well for some background history, this question wasn't made up, I am going through something like this right now. See this was between someone I cared about very much and myself. After about three years their entire personality changed and all the sudden all these "lies" were revealed. There is no remorse for anything and they have completely avoided me and refuses to talk to me. They also told me to "wait" for them.... and then this person is keeping me in the dark and not contacting me at all. I tried, they refused... and for no reason, I did nothing wrong. I wanted to talk for some closure. After all these years I thought the least they owed me was an explanation... but I am getting nothing and I am finding it very hard to deal with this and heal from it. Thank you for your comment.... the last part is very true.  |
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Date: 10/4/2004 12:50:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 11097
Hi Sunni, thank you for your comment. I cried too, I am still crying...lol... and at first I couldnt eat, sleep, or do much of anything either, I was completely shocked and devestated. You know you begin to plan the future with people and you trust them and love them and in return- I just got hurt. It's very upsetting. Thanks for commenting, take care, |
Date: 10/4/2004 12:59:00 PM
From Authorid: 61966
Fortunatly I have never had to go through this and I hope I never do. I would never wish it on anyone though, to be with someone you really care about and then things change..well that can be a pretty hard thing to deal with. I'm sorry that you are going through this right now. I wish only the best for you. If at any time you want to talk to someone, I'll be glad to listen.   |
Date: 10/4/2004 1:04:00 PM
From Authorid: 37101
Yeah but generally I realize they're human. And that makes me realize that they're stupid, confused and otherwise nasty little creatures. It's possible to heal if you let yourself. -  |
Date: 10/4/2004 1:09:00 PM
From Authorid: 62624
my ex-husband cheated on me. funny thing is, he worked out of town. I was out with friends, when all of a sudden, I felt like I was going to throw up. I knew right there and then that he was cheating on me. A sixth sense? Maybe. He never would admit to it, but 3 years later, it was confirmed by one of his co-workers at the time. well, he's an ex now.  |
Date: 10/4/2004 1:10:00 PM
From Authorid: 21266
oh god yes.. but then i think..theyre out there enjoying their lives..why am i here sulking over someone who's definetley not worth a tear drop? i do of course confront them first but then theyre completley erased out of my life..you learn from your mistakes and that includes how you deal with people  |
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Date: 10/4/2004 1:13:00 PM
From Authorid: 13119
the best revenge is a life well lived. |
Date: 10/4/2004 1:34:00 PM
From Authorid: 37843
Yes, I had a "best-friend" and somethings were said and done and all my trust in my friend just dissappeared because what this person did really hurt me. I have trust issues in the first place so it took me a while to trust this person then its been about a year ago they lost all my trust. I cried, I listened to music and I talked to two other mutual friends about it. right now we r working on a friendship again, but it will NEVER be the same. I wont trust this person as much anymore, and its just not the same. It still hurts but prayer helped too. it helped me to forgive this person. All I know to do is pray and wait it out. he could just be putting up a tough front when really it hurts him just like it hurts you. music is great, listen to some of your favorite songs, maybe get involved in something to keep your mind off of it or talk to him about it. I wish ya the best with this ~WP
p.s. sorry bout the long comment.  |
Date: 10/4/2004 2:03:00 PM
From Authorid: 26363
Yes and so far I have yet to heal. I've come a long way but it still hurts and I find it very difficult trusting people for any reason. It's been three years now and I find myself very aloof with people which of course people notice and tend to distance themselves. It's a long hard healing process and I've still a long way to go. I still cry and I still wonder why but I try not to dwell on it and get on with things.  |
Date: 10/4/2004 2:14:00 PM
From Authorid: 12581
I recently have gone through an experience such as this, involving two people I loved. My husband, who I was with for 8 years, recently left me for my best friend of 5 years. They are I suppose, Oh so happily living together now. Yet, I often find myself wondering what to do & where to go from here, it's been hard enough just retaining my sanity through the heartbreak. It's quite amazing how I could go from being so happy n secure, thinking my life was going to be a certain way to being alone n scared n with no inkling to what the future holds. My husbands excuses are so thin, we had a pretty wonderful relationship n he says things like, I needed a change, I gotta live for me, I wasn't happy (when actually there was alot of love n joy in our relationship) I have been in a bad relationship but ours was truly based on friendship n love & I think with what he's done, he's thrown his only chance at happiness away...he has shown remorse but more for himself n not what has gone on or what it has done to me, he more or less is distracting himself with her, with things at work, so he does not have to face the reality of the situation. I found he'd lied to me over different things, finacial & most importantly, I wanted kids n he lied for years about sharing this dream, now it is a dream that I might not ever see come to a reality. I truly thought that death would be what seperated us, I absolutely adored him, & when people close to us found out, they could not believe that he was gone....but in hindsight, I see that he is not well, mentally, that he never really has been & that I was the strength in our relationship...that our relationship revolved around him & his needs & I allowed this because I loved him & believed in compromise...my ex friend on the other hand, has shown no remorse at all, feeling that somehow she's been justified in all her actions & I have found out, that I don't think I ever truly knew her at all & that most of what she ever told me, were lies, that she spoke horribly behind my back the entire time we were friends.... I find her more scarey in all this, I feel she is a master at manipulating people n she saw the weakness in my husband n preyed upon it. Just like she saw that I had a kind n giving nature & she took full advantage of it without giving much back in return. Not that he's any less to blame, he acted selfishly & was weak & if he'd truly loved n cherished me as I did him, he would have never left the way he did or treated me the way he has. Unfortunately, I feel they are both users, n that their new found love will end horribly...it's not that I wish this upon them but more that, I see them for who they are, n they both "live for themselves" & you just cannot do this when your in a relationship. Since I poured my heart into both these individuals, I cannot fathom the selfishness that I have seen from them & am having quite a time healing from it all myself. I can feel my mind wanting to be warped, the bitterness, fear, n mistrust I feel is somthing I must battle against & keep in mind that every individual is unique but I know it will be a long time before I've gotten completely over this, it will probably be years before I enter another relationship & I'm not sure if I'll ever be able to trust so completely again. I still burst into tears for no reason, have lost alot of weight (50lbs since memorial day), & depression often weighs heavily on my soul. There's alot for me to work through, I am mourning the loss of my marrige yet, if he were to ever ask to come back, although the lonliness is crushing, I would never allow it, for what we had, is truly lost forever & to waste any more of my life on him would be stupid. With my ex friend, I haven't spoken to her since I found the love letter that revealed that she was lying to me & pursuing a relationship with him. What's really qaint is that they're telling everyone they can that I'm the crazy one & that I kicked him out, when the day he left, on his own free will, my world stopped. Either of them can even admit to what they've done, it's quite pathetic. I cannot get the closure n distance I need from him to be able to truly begin to heal from this due to the divorce, we are doing it ourselves n he is dragging his feet, for what reason, I dunno but it's frightening, I just need to get away from him to be able to move ahead with my life, I loved him with every fiber of my being n having to talk to him n see him, is heartwrenching. I just sob after each encounter. Healing from betrayal is a hard thing to do, I think it takes alot of thought n time to truly get over it all. I personally try to look at the situation objectivly, trying to get my emotions out of the way & seeing it all for what it truly was n not what I percieved it to be. I have been able to clarify that I tried with everything in my power to be a good wife n a good friend to them n since this has all gone on I've tried to remain decent n fair, because I feel that at this point, the sin rests on their souls. I did nothing wrong but give my heart to the wrong people. Sorry, didn't mean to write a book, just illustrating my thought processes I've been going through during all this. Thanks for listening & I'm here if you ever need to talk. I think time n working things out in your own mind is the best way to heal from somthing like this, turning & facing those personal demons that somthing like betrayal brings up, is the way to truly heal. Take Care  |
Date: 10/4/2004 2:45:00 PM
From Authorid: 36079
One horrible day at a time. You try your best to be a good person, focus on you, forgive them, as it says in the Bible love those who hate you, it is possible that if ever that person cared about you as much as you cared for them by your actions it can make them come around, but you can't change them, they have to want to change, and just might after seeing the inner light in you through this dark hour.  |
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Date: 10/4/2004 3:11:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 11097
Hi Breathing Body sis thank you for taking the time to comment and for offering your friendship, it means a lot to me! |
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Date: 10/4/2004 3:13:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 11097
Hi Smooth Criminal... your comment made me laugh, thanks... I am trying to heal, I guess anything is possible, right? |
Date: 10/4/2004 3:15:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 11097
Hi Kimberley... I am sorry to hear that  ... I know what you mean by that feeling... I have had it before also, but ignored it, mistake #1 and I also had dreams that this person was not being faithful and was not who I really thought, I ignored them, mistake #2.... I am glad you were able to overcome all that happened, thank you for commenting! |
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Date: 10/4/2004 3:18:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 11097
Hi Absz... I know exactly what you mean about them being out and not caring and your sitting home in tears... your right, but its tough for me to pick myself back up... I want so much to talk to this person face to face... they refuse and they refuse to talk to me on the phone, and what makes it worse is they live 2 hours from me....heh. I guess I'm just going to have to let go completely but I would like to let this person know how I feel and would like some sort of explanation. Thanks for commenting! |
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Date: 10/4/2004 3:20:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 11097
Very true Magoo... words I really need to focus on right now, thank you |
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Date: 10/4/2004 3:24:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 11097
Hi Whyte Penguin... I am sorry you had to go through that, I have been there also. It is never the same and once that trust is lost it is very very difficult to gain it back again. I have been doing everything I can think of to keep myself busy because if I am not busy I am thinking and then I just upset myself even more. This person said some very very hurtful things to me and I dont think he could ever really take them back... I dont know. All I know is I am very sad and hurt and I just wish things were better. I believe deep down he feels bad, but he has choosen not to listen to his heart or conscience, and until he does I just have to wait. Thank you for commenting and good luck restoring your friendship. |
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Date: 10/4/2004 3:29:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 11097
Hi Morning Glory... I am sorry you had to go through this hurt and I know it is very hard to trust people afterwards. I have always wished for someone who would always come through for me, the way I would for them... I have yet to find anyone... I only hope my faith and hope in finding someone like that remains strong. I don't like to dwell in the past either but this person has left me hanging and I am just at a loss for what to say and do. Thank you for commenting, take care, |
Date: 10/4/2004 3:47:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 11097
Akua Tuta... reading your words, you are such an amazingly strong person and an example for those of us weak ones to follow  I cannot comprehend why people do what they do at the expense of others and its heartbreaking. So many of the feelings you described I have been feeling. We give people all of our love and trust and in return all we ever wanted was their love for us.... but instead many times we expect too much it seems and we end up hurt. I am sorry you had to go through that, there are just no words strong enough to describe the feelings that come along with such betrayal and little to no remorse. I have become very careful around people now... not because I dont want to have friends or someone special in my life but because I am finding impossible to trust people, some people are such good liars and deceivers it scares me. But I guess that is part of the process and I hope my faith and strength pull me through this, because I feel like part of me is gone. The best I had inside me I gave and its was disregarded like nothing, and that is what hurts. Bit by bit I am trying to reclaim my life... and I wish you all the love, happiness, and blessings life has to offer. May your strength in character and soul and love come back to you and bring you nothing but the best, you deserve it. Thank you for sharing all of that with me, it means so much, thank you (((hugs))) thank you for your kind words and know if you ever need anything or need to talk, I am here, take care, |
Date: 10/4/2004 3:52:00 PM
From Authorid: 4548
my ex husband ended up being incredibly hateful and psychotic, and i whizzed away 10 years on that guy. i spend more time than i should rueing the situation, but mostly i'm trying to live in the future "what will happen next?" you have to allow yourself some distraction from the issue. usually time and distance are the only solution.  |
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Date: 10/4/2004 3:56:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 11097
AO... you have me in tears, thank you so much. You are right and I have been fighting off my anger and resentment... in fact, I am more sad then anything else. These last few weeks have been very very hard and I feel very drained, but I have not given up my faith, no... that is the one thing I am holding onto and that is the one thing that is keeping me alive. I am beginning to realize my strength is being built up for something... I guess time will tell. Thank you so much... I have taken your words to heart. I am sorry that you went through what you did and I also will keep you in my prayers. Thank you so much... God Bless! |
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Date: 10/4/2004 4:01:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 11097
Hi SmurfPoo... thank you for commenting! I am trying so hard to be okay and to be a better person from this and I have prayed very hard for this person... and I know I cannot change them. I was hoping the love I had for them would be enough, but instead they have pushed me away. This person doesnt want a conscience or to listen with his heart and I fear for him. I only hope things will get better, for everyone, one way or another. Thank you... those last few words were very touching |
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Date: 10/4/2004 4:03:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 11097
Hi Jezebel... I agree I need some distraction from the situation and perhaps I need to make a choice here and now and stick with it. Thank you very much for commenting and I am sorry that, that happened to you, I wish you the best. Take care, |
Date: 10/4/2004 5:03:00 PM
From Authorid: 19220
I grew from my experience. I figured I could either let it wiegh me down and suffocate me or I could get up and dust myself off and learn from what happend. It wasn't something that happened overnight and it was very hard. But if I could go back and change anything at all, I wouldn't do it. I learned some of my best leasons during that time. And I got a wonderful daughter. I know it's hard and confussing*sp?* but hang in there. ~Big hugs and Blessings~  |
Date: 10/4/2004 7:19:00 PM
From Authorid: 17138
i'm very sorry to hear that u've been hurt. i've been in the same boat and the only thing i know to do is just let it go and learn from your mistakes. try to be more careful of who u trust and let go of those who betray it.  |
Date: 10/4/2004 8:13:00 PM
From Authorid: 22308
oh yeah, been there done that. still hate the situation. it took me a while to get over the fact that the guy was never going to care how i felt and never really cared about me it seemed like from what all i heard from everyone. it made me sick and it still does. it took me about 2 to 3 months to get over it. i'm not completely over it but i am to a point where i can move on and have fun with my life again. while in the process before that, i had to keep myself in high spirits by making points about myself how better i was than the other girl was and everything. it worked because actually, i am better than the other person and the guy is too dumb to see it.  |
Date: 10/4/2004 9:21:00 PM
From Authorid: 12341
Yes! And I learned and hurt and felt betrayed, but I had to pick up the the pieces and move on and we DO that, simply because we can, we have the power within us to leave behind that hurt and find enough meaning to keep the motivation that will never bring us down. We can't let any one person ever do that to our self esteem.  |
Date: 10/4/2004 10:32:00 PM
From Authorid: 16671
Yes, but I dont wish to go into it. I will tell you however, that healing takes a long time, and trust ?? Well thats a hard one, but we can either NOT trust and wait for the other shoe to drop so to speak, or live with our choices to forgive and live as happy as we can, not dwelling on what MIGHT happen next, what did happen or any of that, because if we do then all we do is live in pain, suspicion *sp* and be miserable, or as I say pick our self up and move on with life. As for the person or persons that did us wrong if they don't feel remoursefull, nothing you can say to them will change that. If the person that wronged me hadn't not been remoursefull, had not cried at seeing my pain and asked me to forgive them, then no, they would not be in my life. I would have moved on.  |
Date: 10/5/2004 4:08:00 AM
From Authorid: 62146
you heal by simply looking forward and not looking back and seing what is good in your life.  |
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Date: 10/5/2004 4:42:00 AM
From Authorid: 62146
I think I should tell you my story. I was in year 10 and my friends just started treating me badly they would do stuff like run away when I would aprotch them and make me feel alful when I was around and say a whole lot of horrible things being with them was like walking on egg shells. I left them because it was to painfull to deal with I found another group of friends it is funny my old group of friends had always told me those girls were horrible and always gossiped about how nasty this other group of girl were when they did it to me ten times worse I went to this other group of girls (Witch was the group they always gossiped about) and they are the nicest people I was feeling depressed and they lifted me out of it. I use to get so mad at my old group of friends every time I would hear them talk about my real friends. now I am healed from it I have become friends with them agine we have all grown up a bit now so we do not fight or anything I am friends with everyone and they are friends ect. you heal time and good times with your friends heals it. |
Date: 10/5/2004 3:14:00 PM
From Authorid: 27705
Yes I know how this feels..I once had someone take full advantage of me emotionally and physically i didn't know how to deal with it for a long time so I made a joke of it till I finally was able to confront the person about how I truly felt and they just laughed in my face without sorrow or pity...it ripped me to pieces...it took a while to get over...it took a lot of soul searching and for a while I tried to hide myself from the world and no one really knew...my best of luck to you with all of this...ever feel like talking message me...I know you are strong and I hope all shall heal..peace and love Regina  |
Date: 10/5/2004 8:36:00 PM
From Authorid: 30786
First of all, that was a beautifully worded and expressive post. I understand what you mean completely. I know I must sound like a broken record here, I mention this story over and over again on USM... I went out with this guy for 3 years, he was my first love, and I was completely devoted to him. He would always tell people that we were so happy, he was so in love, and that I was the girl he was going to marry. When his friends said he was whipped (he'd always call me to say hi and I love you while he was out with them) he would just shrug his shoulders and say "I don't care, I love my girlfriend and I don't care who knows it" He would write me poetry and songs on his guitar. People who knew us, envied us. We were supposedly "The Perfect Couple." Well, that is until I discovered a whole other life he was living. We're talking the works here. He had a cocaine problem. He was an alcoholic (which I suspected) and worst of all, he was a cheater. He had been with other girls throughout our entire relationship, even during the week when he had given me a diamond ring and asked me to marry him. It was all a lie. He had been going out of town and cheating, swearing up and down that he was single. Apparently, the girl he bragged to everyone about didn't even exist when there were other girls around. I was devastated, to say the least. Absolutely crushed. You know what the worst part was, if there even was a worst part? When I found out and broke up with him, he told everyone we knew that he had found out *I* was cheating on *him* and *he* had broken up with *me* No kidding. If it's possible to kick someone when they're down, that was it. I confronted him, and asked him why he had done all those things to me, how he could have lied to me and everyone else around us, and how he could have blamed me and made my reputation sink for things that he did. He never apologized. He never gave me an explanation. I was physically sick over what happened for months. I couldn't leave my house, and I felt like there was a huge knot in my stomach 24/7 I was so hurt that I couldn't even cry. I have been broken up with him for a year now (as of about a week ago) and even as I wrote this, I got a lump in my throat, even after all this time. I can't tell you how to deal with this, other than to turn to God, turn to your family and friends to support you, and most importantly, strengthen yourself. You are stronger than you think, and you can pull yourself through anything if you have to. I learned that it doesn't matter if you get the apology from the person who hurt you, all that matters is that you heal and you get the feelings out, whether it be through therapy, writing in a journal, or pounding the crap out of a boxing bag. Then, let time heal the wound. I don't think we ever get out of these things perfectly, there are always scars and I know I will always look back on this and shudder, but I will be fine. And so will you. We all come out of these things smarter and stronger. There are always things to look forward to in life, and things like this give us the opportunity to truly appreciate those things  |
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Date: 10/6/2004 9:32:00 AM
From Authorid: 36079
breezy, I have been there. I had thise one guy who doted all over me, said he wanted to marry me, I was the prettiest etc etc, then I found out he had another girl freind and other girls on the side as well, he was also supposedly divorced, I think that was a crock too. I think what it was, was immaturity, and insecurity in both of our guys, as well as him having bad freinds in your case. Aren't you so glad you found the truth in all of this? To think of spending one more minute thinking I was his one and only love makes me nautiuos! |
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Date: 10/6/2004 2:34:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 11097
Hi IceQueen420, thank you very much for commenting. I know that this isn't something I should let keep me down and I am doing the best I can to be okay. One day I feel like I am on top of the world, the next day I am depressed, the next day I am numb.... etc. I am glad something wonderful came from your experience thank you, take care, |
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Date: 10/6/2004 2:37:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 11097
Hi Crezy Thang, thank you for commenting. I trusted this person very much and never suspected anything like this to happen, that is why it hurts so much. I will try to be more careful in the future, but honestly, this came out of nowhere and I am devestated. Thank you, take care, |
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Date: 10/6/2004 2:41:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 11097
Hi FuelGirl180, I am sorry you had to go through something like this ... its a very hurtful situation and I dont know if I will ever fully heal from it, I will carry this wound on my heart forever. It upsets me beyond belief how these people dont care... as if there is no conscience. I am glad you are doing better and I wish you all the best, thank you for commenting, take care, |
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Date: 10/6/2004 2:44:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 11097
Hi Brenda ... very wise words, thank you. I am trying to be okay and keep strong. And bit by bit I am picking up the pieces... and trying to reclaim all I lost. I am hoping for a better tomorrow each day, thank you for commenting, take care, |
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Date: 10/6/2004 3:05:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 11097
Hi Firstborn, mom very wise words and great advice. This person has left me in the dark hanging "waiting" for them and the more I think about it the more upset I am getting; to me this was a selfish act on their part and with no explaination, as if I was the one being punished. I cannot comprehend what this person is thinking and doing and I am not sure what to feel toward them. Seems like right now I just need to pick up the pieces and see where God leads me... thank you very much ((hugs)) |
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Date: 10/6/2004 3:10:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 11097
Hi Cosmic Freak, thank you for commenting. I am glad that in time things turned out well for you and your friends I am trying to heal and I am not sure where things are going to go from here; to have communication and compassion you need both people present, this person is avoiding me, like I said before, almost punishing me, and for no reason. So I guess I will continue to heal and see where God and time bring me, thank you, and take care, |
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Date: 10/6/2004 3:14:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 11097
Hi Regina, I am sorry you went through that ... it is terrible how people just dont care what they do to others. Healing takes a long time... thank you for your kind words, message me sometime take care, |
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Date: 10/6/2004 3:34:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 11097
Hi Breezy I messaged you, |
