Date: 10/4/2004 8:58:00 AM
From Authorid: 58611
I think he will probably find out on his own really. Sometimes it is best not to be the bearer of bad news, I mean think about it, do you guys want to be the ones who delivered the message that could possibly destroy a family? Note that I said family and not marriage, when kids are involved that brings it to a different level.  |
Date: 10/4/2004 9:00:00 AM
From Authorid: 12103
Even though its none of your guy's business and its between them two I would personally tell! I mean, maybe in an anomous (sp?) letter or ANYTHING just so he has an idea of what the heck she was doing while he was serving our country! I know *I* would want someone to tell me if i was married and my husband was sleeping around, i would be offended if they didnt and they were my good friend and they knew, and choosed to hide it from me. Good Luck!  |
Date: 10/4/2004 9:02:00 AM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 15228
AquaRose, I agree with you. He'll probably find out, I think he may already be suspicious since she is stupid enough to talk about this guy to him....I just have to convince my husband, I guess he thinks he'd want to know if the situation were reversed.  |
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Date: 10/4/2004 9:05:00 AM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 15228
Jen, your thinking is the same as my husbands..Speaking for myself, I'm just not comfortable doing it. |
Date: 10/4/2004 9:07:00 AM
From Authorid: 15394
well the whole emotional side aside... what about disease?? The poor guy in Iraq has a right to be safe... who knows what could be waiting for him when he comes home!!  |
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Date: 10/4/2004 9:08:00 AM
From Authorid: 12103
Yeah I mean, i had a couple guys cheat on me and i had to find out the hard way, I personally would of appreciated it if someone would of told me so that way I could be safe atleast, if not emotionally, cerently physically (if you know what i mean) Nobody wants to be the barrier of bad news but if you think he already knows then I guess its on him I suppose. |
Date: 10/4/2004 9:13:00 AM
From Authorid: 25390
I personally would tell him. I've been cheated on before, and I really wish someone would've told me. No one would tell me even if I asked, so I dragged the relationship on until I finally found out for myself. It may destroy a family, but why should a family be based on a lie? This was the reason my parents were divorced, and you know what? My family was never destroyed.  |
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Date: 10/4/2004 9:15:00 AM
From Authorid: 25390
Another thought: I would think the husband would be even angrier at y'all if you knew she was cheating and kept it from him rather than if you told him. He would be angry now, yes, but this was he can deal with the problem sooner. |
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Date: 10/4/2004 9:15:00 AM
From Authorid: 25390
*this WAY, not this WAS |
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Date: 10/4/2004 9:17:00 AM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 15228
The more I think about it the more I think I'm going to urge my husband to stay out of it...I hate the thought of saying Welcome Home to this guy and than blurting out..oh, by the way, your wife wasn't so lonely while you were gone...I mean, at what point do you tell him? As soon as he gets off the plane? After his reunion with his wife? Two weeks after that? This guy is in Sadre City...where violence happens all the time....I'm so disgusted with her I'd like to punch her, it's probably just as well she doesn't come around anymore. |
Date: 10/4/2004 9:31:00 AM
From Authorid: 61897
Man, that sucks! He's over there busting his butt, risking his life and everything for his country and family and she's over here doing that to him......What the he** is wrong with people??! I mean I don't know the whole situation, but that is just wrong. How would she feel if something were to happen to him, do you think she would feel even more guilty or do you think it would just work out for her benefit? That is just bogus.......  |
Date: 10/4/2004 9:38:00 AM
From Authorid: 62893
Kelley, thats a very sticky situation. But it does happen all the time. I would stay out of it it is on her conscience and her husband will find out eventually, Thoes poor children!!!Misty  |
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Date: 10/4/2004 9:39:00 AM
From Authorid: 61897
Kelly-He DESERVES to know. I agree with what most of the others have said, as someone who has been cheated on, I also wish I would have been told sooner. One of the person's who not only DIDN'T clue me in, but pretty much encouraged the cheating I don't speak to anymore because of that. I signed her off completely, I truly cared about her and she supposedly did for me, too, but no matter who the involved is you should always do what's right and best. |
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Date: 10/4/2004 9:41:00 AM
From Authorid: 61897
What are the reasons you don't want to let him know? Because there are sure plenty why you should....... |
Date: 10/4/2004 9:41:00 AM
From Authorid: 36766
I'd give the woman an ultimatum, either she tell him herself, that she was cheating while he was away, or your husband will tell him, that way you don't have to do it, lol.  |
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Date: 10/4/2004 10:03:00 AM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 15228
Chi-Girl, well, at what point do you let him know? I would never, ever tell him while he was over there. I guess it would be different if he were here...than if my husband thought he should tell him I wouldn't stand in the way. But the situation being what it is...as I said above, do you tell him as soon as he gets off the plane?...after the reunion with his wife? Should he be pulled aside before they leave the gym and welcome home ceremony? That's what has given me pause and when I bring it up to my husband I think he'll scratch his head to...when do you tell him!... |
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Date: 10/4/2004 10:07:00 AM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 15228
I think it is a very good idea to talk to her...put the ball in her court. I think she has to be uncomfortable knowing my husband knows...If I tell her he is going to tell her husband.....I think she may decide to tell him herself....but than, what if she tells him in a dear John letter? Will I have pushed her into doing something that low? |
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Date: 10/4/2004 10:25:00 AM
From Authorid: 61897
I wouldn't over-analize it too much. Just when the time seems right, your husband seems set on telling him and him being a man himself has a better idea on how best to when and where tell another man something like this. Especially since he is a service-man himself, he has a better understanding on what it would be like. As far as you thinking you can possibly push her to do this, that or the other, it isn't YOU, SHE brought this upon herself. The only one in the wrong is her, you guys are only doing what you and most would want someone else to have the courtesy and respect to do. And pretending like everything is dandy is also not very productive, might as well get it out in the open to at least give her an ooportunity to do the best and right thing starting now, since she already screwed up...... |
Date: 10/4/2004 10:28:00 AM
From Authorid: 61897
*opportunity, you know what I mean though |
Date: 10/4/2004 10:32:00 AM
From Authorid: 13119
as a soldier who has been away I understand your hubby's thinking. So many people get cheated on while they are overseas its disgusting. If she brings home AIDS or HIV or any other STD who do you think will pay the price? Him. Another thing, the neighbours probably are already talking about it, would you like to come home thinking everything is lovey-dovey and then find out your spouse has been bumpin' uglies with other people? I think that is more crushing, at least that is what Randy thought. He needs to know the truth and be able to deal with it. Some day she may decide to send him a dear john while he is over seas and that could kill him (literally)  |
Date: 10/4/2004 10:36:00 AM
From Authorid: 62801
It hurts badly when friends know something like this and they don't tell you. Some how he needs to know and it's best if she tells him. If she won't, I wouldn't keep it a secret. *LoveisAll*  |
Date: 10/4/2004 10:40:00 AM
From Authorid: 36079
Military personel have a high rate of infidelity, I think there may be as high a rate with the spouses. When a family is not around long enough to bond it's hard to hold such weak strings of marriage together. You know about 40% of marriages end up entangled in affairs without the whole added stress of military life. I think the military needs to focus more on the family, they would get more people that way. It's ridiculous to force people who just got married, just had babies or are about to, to sweep them away to some other place. I think it's a disgrace. In fact my hubby is now ex military, but when we got together on his leave I tried dumping him on last day home becouse I didn't want to touch military life with a ten foot pole! As you can see, he convinced me otherwise. lol Honestly, it's none of your bussiness to tell, but I don't think anyone should hold it against you if you did.  |
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Date: 10/4/2004 10:44:00 AM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 15228
I think everyone has made some good points. Magoo, I know soldiers kill themselves over dear John letters and that is what worries me...I guess this is something we have time to think about, he isn't due home until March.. |
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Date: 10/4/2004 10:54:00 AM
From Authorid: 13119
Smurfpoo that is an ignorant thing to say about soldiers "Military personel have a high rate of infidelity, I think there may be as high a rate with the spouses. " In my experience it is the spouses who are staying at home spending all the extra money the soldier gets and going out to the bar etc. When we are on tour it is a celibate lifestyle. Don't try that junk about it being the soldiers who havethe highest rate of infidelity. I find alot of women want the money that they make but hate the military life. I think that they should leave military guys alone if they can't handle the life with dignity and respect to themselves and their kin. |
Date: 10/4/2004 10:56:00 AM
From Authorid: 62876
Hi Kelly! I like the idea of talking to her about it. Give her the opportunity to fess up to what she is doing - then neither of you have to worry about it...HipChik  |
Date: 10/4/2004 12:10:00 PM
From Authorid: 47218
I wouldn't tell her husband. I say that's her job. I would confront her about her behavior, just as I would in any situation where I was concerned about my friend's well-being-- like if she were using drugs-- and let her know how concerned I was about the situation and tell her about all the bad places that an affair can lead-- people getting REALLY hurt, families getting broken up, children getting placed in the middle-- since people in the midst of an affair generally aren't thinking about the long-term consequences of their actions.  |
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Date: 10/4/2004 12:15:00 PM
From Authorid: 36079
Military guys make squat, we made 632 in two weeks with the two of us and a toddler, that isn't anything. Maybe the people you were around weren't cheating but I heard of plenty of guys in the marine base I was on, in fact one neighor of ours convinced his wife to let another woman move in and share thier bed. I was even warned by other military not to marry military and in VA where we were statoined, there is two military bases I know of in VA and everytime I went in a VA chatroom everyone told me to watch my husband he is probably already cheating, just becouse he was military. There must be some reason for all that hype. |
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Date: 10/4/2004 12:22:00 PM
From Authorid: 47218
it's true that soldiers don't make much in the U.S. I've seen on the news stories of newly enlisted who had to get government subsidies to feed their families because their salary wasn't enough to cover the bills. |
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Date: 10/4/2004 12:45:00 PM
From Authorid: 13119
Smurfpoo alot of the talk is just that talk, you are a strong lady obviously and didn't believe it about your husband why would you assume that everyone else is telling the truth and not trying to cause trouble. It isn't as easy as you think to screw around on tour, they are there to do a job and being shot at doesn't do alot for the libido. |
Date: 10/4/2004 12:58:00 PM
From Authorid: 62624
tell. if it happened to you and you found out later on that your friend knew about it but didn't tell you wouldn't you be mad?I'd want to know!!! who wants to look like a chump and be the last to know?  |
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Date: 10/4/2004 1:11:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 15228
Magoo, it does work both ways..I know one woman who remained faithful the entire time her husband was in Iraq..he came home, completly mistreated her and than told her he'd met someone over the internet and he wanted her and the kids to leave....sorry, but soldiers cheat (if given a chance...maybe not as much in Iraq, but in places like Korea) just as much, I've seen it on both sides because I've been a soldier and a spouse. |
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Date: 10/4/2004 1:17:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 15228
I did word that wrong...not all soldiers are unfaithful of course, but a fair number are which is probably why the divorce rate is so high for the military...and I think it has a lot to do with the long seperations and how young some of these couples are....It is wrong on both sides...but worse (in my opinion) when a soldier is over in a war situation and the spouse is home living it up.... |
Date: 10/4/2004 1:18:00 PM
From Authorid: 13119
Kelly I agree, I am not saying soldiers don't treat I am saying that the statement "Military personel have a high rate of infidelity," is wrong! that is biased and shows a definite dislike for military. There is as much infidelity in the military as on civie street but because most military people live close by each other it is more apparent. I don't like people thinking that the military is made up of a bunch of unfaithful horndogs. You are right it goes both ways but just the same amount as civilians.  |
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Date: 10/4/2004 1:20:00 PM
From Authorid: 13119
lmbo treat is supposed to be cheat! Wonder what I was thinking. |
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Date: 10/4/2004 2:29:00 PM
From Authorid: 47218
I don't think military people are hornier than the average person, but I wouldn't be suprprised if rates of infidelity were higher in the military because A. military couples on average are younger than the average civilian couple, and younger people, compared to older couples, don't have the maturity and experience required to hold a relationship together, so they are more prone to problems such as infidelity and b. Couples have to spend long periods away from each other, and this can put strain on any relationship. So problems result. |
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Date: 10/4/2004 3:00:00 PM
From Authorid: 36079
My husband was out at sea once and he told me about how people who are hetero, have girlfreinds, wives after awhile the guys are sleeping with other guys and lower ranked men going with higher ranked women, he said he saw it all over the place on ship. I think if they did a study military would have higher rates of infidelity but we would never know over fears of being court martialed. |
Date: 10/4/2004 6:08:00 PM
From Authorid: 18527
Both sides cheat just as much as the other... but anyhow... I guess I would want to know. but that is just me.  |
Date: 10/5/2004 3:28:00 AM
From Authorid: 62146
her husband will nto be happy to hear it she probbly should tell him herself. yoiu say things have not been said in this situation I think you have to speak to her right about now alot of people can get hurt in this situation silence wont stop that from happening.  |
Date: 10/5/2004 9:27:00 AM
From Authorid: 13729
I would tell the women that when her husband gets home she has one week to tell the husband or someone will....How is he going to feel six months after he gets back and finds out, and then finds out that a lot of people knew about it.....He will be madder at the people who knew and didnt say anything than he is at his hopefully soon to be ex-wife........  |
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Date: 10/5/2004 10:04:00 AM
From Authorid: 36079
I afree with ritz, the thing is though you got to be preparred to lose your freindship with both of them. He might turn around and deny it and be mad at you for saying it. Or she might come up with some elaborate lie to tell him as to why you would say such a thing and make him not believe you. |
