= = = STRESS AGGRAVATES = = = WOODEN NICKEL

Stress Aggravates ----------------------------------- I'm dyslexic, and I attended a conference about the disorder with a friend. The speakers asked us to share a personal experience with the group. I told them stress aggravates my condition, in which I reverse words and letters when I'm tense.

When I finished speaking, my friend leaned over to me and whispered,

"Now I know why you named your daughter Hannah."

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Our co-worker went missing for a few hours, and we tore up the place looking for him. The boss finally found him fast asleep. Rather than wake him, he quietly pinned to the man's shirt a note saying, "As long as you're asleep, you still have a job. But as soon as you wake, you're fired!"

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"Positive Thoughts"

To change everything...simply change your attitude.

A friend is a person who knows all about you, but likes you anyway.

A survey asked.."Who are the happiest people?" There were four winning answers: l. A craftsman or artist whistling over a job well-done. 2. A child building sand castles. 3. A mother bathing her baby. 4. A doctor who has finished a difficult operation and saved a life. Please note that money, power, or possessions, plays no part in any of the answers.

He who goes out of his house in search of happiness runs after a shadow.

Good manners sometimes means simply putting up with other people's bad manners.

Do you always want to be right, or do you want to be happy?

It is my observation that too many of us are spending money we haven't earned, to buy things we don't need, to impress people we don't like.

The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother.

To be bitter is to waste precious moments of a life that is too short already.

There's no limit to what you can achieve if you don't mind who gets the credit.

Only GOD is in a position to look down on anyone.

No matter how hard you hug your money, it never hugs back.

No one is guaranteed happiness. Life just gives each person time and space. It's up to us to fill it with joy.

Your religion is what you do when the sermon is over.

Critism never built a house, wrote a play, composed a song, painted a picture, or improved a marriage.

Almost all of our unhappiness is the result of comparing ourselves to others.

Sign above an office clock: "This clock will never be stolen; too many employees are watching it."

Every day we are given stones. What do we build with them? A bridge, or a wall?

You wouldn't be worried about what people think of you if you knew how seldom they actually do.

Our character is what we do when we think no one is looking.

When you have nothing important or interesting to say, don't let anyone persuade you to say it.

Of all the things you wear, your expression is the most important. If someone remembers your suit and not your smile, you didn't smile enough.

The surest way to make yourself happy is to make someone else happy.

Be smarter than people...just don't tell them so.

Beginning today, treat everyone you meet as if they were going to be dead by midnight. Extend to them all the care, kindness, and understanding you can muster, and do it with no thought of any reward. Your life will never be the same again.

"Judge not, and you shall not be judged. Condem not, and you shall not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven."

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Are today's college grads ready to enter the workplace? A study conducted for Commemorative Brands, a maker of class rings, asked executives to recall their oddest interviews with young job seekers. Some examples:

The reason the candidate was taking so long to respond to a question became apparent when he began to snore.

While I was speaking with a prospective employee, there was a knock at the door..pizza delivery! "He had arranged to have a pizza to be delivered to my office. I had to ask him not to eat it until later."

I had asked the candidate to bring a resume' and a couple of references. He arrived with the resume'.. and two people to vouch for him.

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A few years ago, I opened the invitation to my cousin's 100th birthday party. On the front--in bold letters --it screamed, "If he's heard it once, he's heard it a hundred times. Happy Birthday, Sam!"

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Missing In Action, Prisoners Of War

Lord, I'm here to take a stand For all those missing from our land Missing in action, prisoners of war Lord, bring them home to America once more.

When America needed them they were there Lord, let us show them we care It may not be an easy task But let us bring them home at last.

Lord, put an end to all their turmoil Bring back home to American soil Missing in action, prisoners of war Lord, bring them home to America once more.

~ Gloria J. Shuttlesworth ~

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I saw that show, 50 Things To Do Before You Die. I would have thought the obvious one was "Shout For Help".

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An American girl hit on me in a club and asked me to make her an Egyptian princess. So I threw a sheet over her head and told her to be quiet.

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I like to go into the Body Shop and shout out really loud "I've already got one!"

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Four married guys go fishing. After an hour, the following conversations take place:

First guy: "You have no idea what I had to do to be able to come out fishing this weekend. I had to promise my wife that I'd paint every room in the house next weekend."

Second guy: "That's nothing. I had to promise my wife I'd build her a new deck for the pool."

Third guy: "Man! You both have it easy! I had to promise my wife I'd remodel the kitchen for her."

They continue to fish when they realize that the fourth guy hasn't said a word. So they ask him. "You haven't said anything about what you had to do to be able to come fishing this weekend. What's the deal?"

Fourth guy: "I just set the alarm for 5:30 am. When it went off, I shut it down, gave the wife a nudge and said, "Fishing or LOVE," and she said, "Wear a sweater

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In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends."

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Sherlock Holmes's sister, Ella, was a bit confused. Not that she suffered from dementia or anything, but she simply was a bit "blonde." She was always getting her two twins confused, even though they were fraternal, not identical, and everyone else could easily tell Patricia from Theresa. One day Sherlock's sister invited the great detective and his assistant to a piano recital that Patsy was to give the following evening. When she left, Sherlock's assistant said, rather bewilderedly, to Sherlock, "I didn't know Patsy was studying the piano." To which Holmes replied, "Ella meant Terry, my dear Watson."

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When Peters learned that he was being fired, he went to see the head of human resources. "Since I've been with the firm for so long," he said, "I think I deserve at least a letter of recommendation." The human resources director agreed and said he'd have the letter that next day. The following morning, Peters found the letter on his desk. It read, "Jonathan Peters worked for our company for eleven years. When he left us, we were very satisfied."

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A Real Man's Chain Letter - This chain letter was started in hopes of bringing relief to other tired and discouraged men. Unlike most chain letters, this one doesn't cost anything!

Just send a copy of this letter to five of your friends who are equally tired and discontented.

Then bundle up your wife and/or girlfriend and send her to the man whose name appears at the top of the following list, and add your name to the bottom of the list.

When your turn comes, you will receive 15,625 women. One of them is bound to be better than the one you already have.

At the writing of this letter, a friend of mine has already received 184 women, of whom four were worth keeping.

REMEMBER this chain brings luck.

One man's pit bull died, and the next day he received a Playboy playmate.

An unmarried Spanish man living with his widowed mother was able to to choose between a Hooter's waitress and a Hollywood super model.

You can be lucky too, but DO NOT BREAK THE CHAIN!

One man broke the chain and got his wife back again.

Let's keep it going, men! Just add your name to the bottom of the list below!

Bill Clinton 780 3rd Ave New York, NY 10017

Billy Clinton 780 3rd Ave New York, NY 10017

Billie Clinton 780 3rd Ave New York, NY 10017

B. Clinton 780 3rd Ave New York, NY 10017

William Jefferson Clinton 780 3rd Ave New York, NY 10017

W. Jefferson Clinton 780 3rd Ave New York, NY 10017

W. Jeff Clinton 780 3rd Ave New York, NY 10017

W. J. Clinton 780 3rd Ave New York, NY 10017

W. Clinton 780 3rd Ave New York, NY 10017

William J Clinton 780 3rd Ave New York, NY 10017

Wilhelm Clinton 780 3rd Ave New York, NY 10017

Willie Clinton 780 3rd Ave New York, NY 10017

Will Clinton 780 3rd Ave New York, NY 10017

Mr. Hillary Clinton 780 3rd Ave New York, NY 10017

Mr. Slick Willie Clinton 780 3rd Ave New York, NY 10017

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Every night after dinner, Harry took off for the local watering hole. He spent the whole evening there and arrived home, well inebriated, around midnight each night. He always had trouble getting his key into the keyhole and getting the door opened. His wife, who was waiting up for him, would go to the door and let him in. Then she would proceed to yell and scream at him, for his constant nights out and coming home in a drunken state. But, Harry continued his nightly routine.

One day, the wife was talking to a friend about her husband's behavior and was particularly distraught by it all. The friend listened to her and then said, "Why don't you treat him a little differently when he comes home? Instead of berating him, why don't you give him some loving words and welcome him home with a kiss? He then might change his ways."

The wife thought that might be a good idea.

That night, Harry took off again after dinner. At about midnight, he arrived home, in his usual condition. His wife heard him at the door, quickly went to it, opened the door and let Harry in.

This time, instead of berating him as she had always done, she took his arm and led him into the living room. She sat him down in an easy chair, put his feet up on the ottoman and took his shoes off. Then she went behind him and started to cuddle him a little. After a little while, she said to him, "It's pretty late, dear. I think we had better go upstairs to bed now, don't you think?"

At that, Harry replied in his inebriated state, "I guess we might as well. I'll get in trouble when I get home anyway!"

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