= = = IT'S GOOD TO BE A MAN = = = WOODEN NICKEL

"It's Good to Be a Man!"

Your last name stays put The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. You can be president. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. Car mechanics tell you the truth. You never have to drive to another gas station because this one's just too icky. Same work... more pay. Wrinkles add character. Wedding Dress $5000; Tux rental $100. The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: "So, notice anything different?" One mood, ALL the time. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars. Dry cleaners and hair stylists don't rob you blind. You can leave the motel bed unmade. You can kill your own food. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend. Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. If you are 34 and single, nobody notices. Everything on your face stays its original color. You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger's seat. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. You don't have to clean your apartment if the maid is coming. You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for hours without ever thinking: "He must be mad at me." You don't mooch off other's desserts. You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a little gift. If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong friends. You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. You almost never have strap problems in public. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. You don't have to shave below your neck. Your belly usually hides your big hips. One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons. You can "do" your nails with a pocketknife. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache. Christmas shopping can be accomplished for 25 relatives, on December 24th, in 45 minutes.

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Tree of Life

Life is like a tree full of monkeys, all on limbs at different levels. Some monkeys are climbing up, some down. The monkeys on top look down and see a tree full of smiling faces. The monkeys on the bottom look up and see nothing but BUTTS...

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A man was driving recklessly down the interstate one day and his girlfriend in the passenger seat was getting very upset. When the man finally realized that she was not happy with his driving and said, "Baby I'm sorry for driving so recklessly; I should be more careful when I have precious cargo!"

The girlfriend looked at him and said, "Oh, that's so sweet baby!"

Then the guy quickly corrected her, "No, no! I mean the golf clubs in the back!"

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I date this girl for two years and then the nagging starts: "I wanna know your last name."

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WHAT IS IT???

Schwartzenegger has a big one

Michael J. Fox has a small one

Madonna doesn't have one

The Pope has one but doesn't use his

Mickey Mouse has an unusual one

George Burns' was hot

Liberace never used his on women

Jerry Seinfeld is very, very proud of his

We never saw Lucy use Desi's

What is it?

~~~~~~~~ Get your mind out of the gutter... The answer is: "A Last Name."

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