Date: 8/25/2004 7:54:00 PM
From Authorid: 62424
I dont want to complain my feelings to the whole world but my parents were fighting just this morning...it woke my brother and I up. I just played video games so he wouldnt notice it much because I understand more than he does...but it hurts me so much too...it hurts all children...expecialy when they think its they're fault  |
Date: 8/25/2004 7:56:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 33925
Jaded Salvation I totally understand those feelings..When I was a kid I used to think it was my fault too. *hugs*  |
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Date: 8/25/2004 7:57:00 PM ( Admin-DNL )
My parents really never fought in front of us growing up. I do remember one incident where I heard my parents yelling upstairs and I went to see what was wrong and my mom was in the bathroom crying. They had a fight about the phone, or something like that. I don't remember for sure it was a long time ago lol. I saw her cry and I started to cry too. This is really the only time I remember them fighting, they get along pretty well most of the time. I can't imagine living in a household where the parents fight daily. I think I would be really traumatized... |
Date: 8/25/2004 8:00:00 PM
From Authorid: 7952
My parents never fought in front of me and never yelled at eachother.. hmmm.. honest truth. I know it is a little weird LOL.. But they were always loving to eachother although if i was married to a man like my Dad i would have gone stir crazy!  |
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Date: 8/25/2004 8:01:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 33925
LOLOL..Not wierd DW..you were just very lucky. Its sad to say that its more rare for kids to grow up like you did than it is for kids to grow up witnessing fights between their parents. |
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Date: 8/25/2004 8:01:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 33925
Danielle I did live in a house for a while as a child where my parents fought constantly..Well my Father fought and my Mom cried..It was very traumatizing. My kids also lived in a home like this for a short period..until I finally ended the marriage for them and for myself. They didnt deserve that and neither did I. Now my husband and I argue occasionally, and I admit sometimes the kids are there..I usually end up going to my room to stop the fight so the kids dont have to see it. |
Date: 8/25/2004 8:01:00 PM
From Authorid: 36704
I watched it growing up and it's something I refuse to do in front of my son. He'll be two on Saturday and I haven't fought in front of him. We don't fight a lot or even argue a lot but if we do we just wait until he takes a nap or goes to bed and go to some other part of the house lol.  |
Date: 8/25/2004 8:02:00 PM
From Authorid: 15228
When I was about 8 and my parents were in the middle of their divorce I remember feeling sick to my stomach watching them fight, I was scared and I felt like my entire world was falling a part...I use to break out in hives all over my body, my eyes would even swell shut. This was something the doctors couldn't explain at the time, but looking back I think it was probably stress..  |
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Date: 8/25/2004 8:03:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 33925
Good for you Base..I know how hard it is to break the cycle and to do so is amazing. I try very hard to break the cycles of my childhood..One thing for ME was spankings and beatings..I refused to ever hit my kids..I was hit..and hit HARD as a child..it was physically painful and also emotionally painful. I refuse to inflict that pain on my children. |
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Date: 8/25/2004 8:04:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 33925
Most definately Kelly! My thing when I was little was wetting myself..I did it constantly..I know now that it was stress related..I witness some pretty horrific things as a child. |
Date: 8/25/2004 8:07:00 PM
From Authorid: 3648
I saw abuse from my father toward my mother and sometimes toward me....it wasn't a pretty thing....my father belittled my mom constantly and hit her in front of me...It affected me then and at times even now. I saw the person I never wanted to be...my father...If my hubby and I disagree on things we don't do it in front of our kids....it's something I can never do over the way my father was...yes, I'm human but I won't let my kids see a arguement brewing...  |
Date: 8/25/2004 8:08:00 PM
From Authorid: 22308
well, i don't have kids yet, but i would try my best not to fight infront of them. i would take an argument to the bedroom or somewhere, they could not hear. hopefully that way, that don't hear anything that my husband and i are saying.  |
Date: 8/25/2004 8:09:00 PM
From Authorid: 3688
I can probably count on one hand the times my parents fought with my anywhere nearby. I think it does depend on HOW they go about fighting that can affect a child though.  |
Date: 8/25/2004 8:09:00 PM
From Authorid: 12341
I'm 49 and I still remember the pain when my Mom and Dad separated. I was only six years old. My first marriage wasn't great, but we did everything we could to make the separation easier for my girls. Something I never regretted because he died so young and that was a huge lesson in life for me all by itself. I missed him so much after he was gone, even though we both had moved on. With my girls, they have children now, and I over protect them, simply because I know kids should only have good memories. At least thats what we hope for, and I only say good things about their fathers, sometimes it can be difficult to find enough, but for the sake of the child, thats what it means. Let go and don't make it harder for the little ones.  |
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Date: 8/25/2004 8:12:00 PM
From Authorid: 36704
I hear you on the beating thing LL, and we don't generally spank or slap his hand although we have when he's done things like pull the safety plugs out of the sockets and try to stick something in them after being told no many many times, if it's between him electrocuting himself or us getting the point and no other way worked then I don't think a swat on the butt or a slap on the hand is gonna cause any permanent damage. |
Date: 8/25/2004 8:15:00 PM
From Authorid: 50434
I grew up in a abusive home seeing it and being part of it. YES, i think it affect the kids, because of the voilence I feel that my temper and how i react are somewhat uncontrolable. I realized i have a problem and have delt with it and fixed it. Im not saying im 100% but I am able to handle me emotions. My fiance has put up with alot and most poeple would have left and I love him so much an appreciate all the understanding. People say you need to put the past behind you but its easier said then done and yes people have had worse than me and proven themselves to be a great leader in thier life, but every case is different. Because of my anger i fear of having kids, not kowing how id react to certain situations, but in my heart I know I WONT subject my kids to the life I lived and hated so much. Parents need to stop and think of what they in front of there kids and realize not matter how young they learn by example whether its right or wrong. If they are raised in a home of violence then they see it as a way of life.  |
Date: 8/25/2004 8:37:00 PM
From Authorid: 51587
I have watched it...and still watch it...it may not be in my house hold no more...but with other ppl i know fightin even fightin in front of their kids....I have always said since i grew up seein it in so many diff places I wasnt gonna do it...just wrong for the child to see. *huggs*  |
Date: 8/25/2004 8:48:00 PM
From Authorid: 60992
When my dad and mom use to fight when I was little even if I was seperated it always made me feel like I had to choose sides.. But if it's my mom and step dad fighting I could careless if they were.. But if it's my mom and dad well they get into alot of trouble by me. I ignore them both for a day or two. They havn't fought for a couples years now..
*Canuck Hugs*
-des  |
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Date: 8/25/2004 8:53:00 PM
From Authorid: 12341
Base, I agree with you there. My grandsons are five and seven. I could tell stories all night long. If we didn't use some spanking every so often, I'm not sure they would survive. I don't like it, and like any parent or grandparent ALWAYS think very hard before smacking the behind of my little ones, But when they GO way beyond that point of personal safety or direct disobedience, they do get "something to think about", I don't like it, don't like doing it and always try another method first, but it doesn't always work that way. I have lots of stories, and we do everything we can to give these little guys a good life, BUT we also realize they must learn, and spanking is a last resort, but every so often, it does help reinforce. Never beating, but a swat on the behind, never gave me any problems in life. |
Date: 8/25/2004 9:03:00 PM
From Authorid: 16373
My parents never did really fight in front of me. Yeah they had little arguments but nothing major. *BeeBop*  |
Date: 8/25/2004 9:41:00 PM
From Authorid: 19092
I think it's best to avoid conflict between spouses while children are present. And, on the other end of this issue....I think it is good for the kids to see their parents display affection for each other. Like holding each other, hugs, kissing (not the mad passionate type of kissing) and the like. So, that being said....come here LadyLuck and let me kiss ya!!  |
Date: 8/26/2004 3:27:00 AM
From Authorid: 30229
I have absolutely no memory of my parents ever fighting in front of my brother or myself. I think if they had problems they would take it up privately, which is what I would have loved to do, but sadly, I was in a marriage where tempers flared and if the kids were around, they got to see the fireworks..... but it was only hollering, not hitting, thank God. I couldnt and wouldnt live in a hitting situation, ... never want to live in a hollering one again either.... great post Sis... we are all just human beings and can only do the best we can do with what we have to do with... Love ya!!!  |
Date: 8/26/2004 4:38:00 AM
From Authorid: 58308
LL, I have witnessed it first hand as a child and remember crying myself to sleep many nights. Gary and I do not argue in front of our children, we go to our room and then it's not an argument, it's a discussion. We don't yell at eachother, we talk things through until we can meet in the middle or come up with a reasonable solution. We have started a discussion in front of them a couple of times, but move it into our room and close the door. I think it's very important that when you are finished with the difference and have everything worked out, that your children see you hug/kiss (make-up) so they know that you both are okay with eachother and they don't worry. In this old world these days, they have more then enough to worry about.  |
Date: 8/26/2004 6:03:00 AM
From Authorid: 4144
it didn't really make me sick when i saw it almost every day. it usually just made me mad. i think real adults don't act like children and don't fight in front of them. my daughter can say she has never seen her dad and me in a real fight. she has seen cutting up and name calling and male bashing and has even joined in but any real fighting goes to another room or waits until the kid is out of the house. i did hear her tell someone a few weeks ago that we never fight because her dad minds real good!  |
Date: 8/26/2004 6:23:00 AM
From Authorid: 10245
I can honestly say that I never have. Chris and I have only had 2 situations that we can term "fights". One was before kids and one only lasted about 3 minutes. We don't fight, we "discuss". LOL. Personal tantrums are another story though. I used to have those a lot. I tried to be by myself when I threw them, but that wasn't always the case. I grew up in a very loud home. Dad didn't get physical with us, but the fear of being hit by something he threw was always there. I swore I'd never force my children to endure that. They've endured Me, but they haven't had to endure us. And fortunately... all that's in the past. My temper is under control and I'm enjoying life again   |
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Date: 8/26/2004 7:10:00 AM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 33925
I loved reading these replies! Its clear that some of you are very lucky to have had such a wonderful childhood..while some of you..well we have some things in common..StarBright your comment about putting the past behind you..Yea I have had people say that to me too..what they need to realise though is that you need to get through the past, start to heal and only THEN can you move forward. You have to have "closure" if you will. Thank you everyone for your comments! |
Date: 8/26/2004 7:22:00 AM
From Authorid: 18527
I honestly don't remember my parents fighting. I know that dad would say "mom is mad at me" but they never yelled or hit or anything. And it lasted like 5 minutes...  |
Date: 8/26/2004 8:53:00 AM
From Authorid: 30747
Hi Ya LLsis. I honestly can't recall any real bad fights between my parents as I was growing up. I know there must have been some but I guess they didn't really have any affect on me. As an adult myself now, I have had fights with hubby in front of my son and step daughter that I regret and I felt the same way you did. The more physical the arguement, the more detrimental it probubly is for the child. Yelling and screeming is to me expected and children know that. But the pushing and shoving and more...I can see where that would be traumatic. Fortuntely my son has not seen any real violence and he never will. But like I said, people fight and say mean things to each other and things even get broken sometimes and kids have a way of knowing it's all crap. Sometimes they are smarter than us.  |
Date: 8/26/2004 10:13:00 AM
From Authorid: 42792
I lived with just my mom as a kid for the most part, other than her ocassional relationships and I would have rathered that she has someone else to fight with other than me.  |
Date: 9/15/2004 9:44:00 AM
From Authorid: 40530
It hasn't affected me. But usually I'm joining in with the arguing  |
