= = " CHILDHOOD SWEETHEARTS " = = WOODEN NICKEL

An elderly couple who were childhood sweethearts had married and settled down in their old neighborhood . They we're celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary and decided to walk down the street to their old school. There, they hold hands as they find the old desk they 'd shared and where he had carved "I love you, Sally."

On their way back home, a bag of money falls out of an armored car and lands practically at their feet. Sally quickly picks it up and decides to take it home until they decide what to do with it. There, she counts the money, and it's fifty thousand dollars.

The husband says, "We've got to give it back."

She says, "finders keepers" and puts the money back in the bag and hides it up in their attic.

The next day, two FBI men are going door-to-door in the neighborhood looking for the money and show up at their home. They say, "Pardon me, but did either of you find or know about some money that fell out of an armored car yesterday?"

She says, "No."

The husband quickly interjects, "She's lying!! She hid it up in the attic."

She says, "Don't believe him, he's getting senile."

However, the agents sit the man down and begin to question him. "Sir, please tell us the story from the beginning."

The old man says, "Well, when Sally and I were walking home from school yesterday..."

The FBI agents immediately look at each other and say, "Let's get out of here!!"

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A fellow walks into a bar, and it's empty except for the bartender at the other end of the bar washing some glasses. The bartender says, "Have a seat anywhere and I'll be with you in a few minutes. There's a bowl of peanuts on the counter, have some while you wait."

So the fellow sits down and grabs a handful of peanuts, but he hears someone say, "Hey, that's a sharp suit you've got on." Well, the bar is empty, so the guy wonders where in the world that voice is coming from.

He takes another handful of peanuts, and again, a voice says, "And that's a nice tie that goes really well with that suit." By now the fellow is really baffled. The bartender comes over and says, "Ok, what'll you have, mister?"

The fellow says, "Listen, before I order, I want to ask you a question. Where are those voices coming from?"

The bartender replies, "Oh, I forgot to tell you, the peanuts are complimentary."

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Why Men Are Not Secretaries

Husband's note on the refrigerator to his wife:

"Someone from Gyna College called. They said Pabst beer is normal. When did you start drinking beer?"

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The owner of a drug store walks in to find a guy leaning heavily against the wall. The owner asks the clerk "What's with that guy over there by the wall?"

The clerk says, "Well, he came in here this morning to get something for his cough. I couldn't find the cough syrup, so I gave him an entire bottle of laxative."

The owner screams, "You idiot! You can't treat a cough with a bottle of laxative!"

The clerk replies, "Of course you can! Look at him. He's too afraid to cough!"

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A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. The next week, the man realized that he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight to Chicago. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (AND LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM."

The next morning the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and that he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't woken him when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up!"

(SOME MEN JUST AREN'T EQUIPPED FOR THESE SORT OF CONTESTS!)

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In the cafeteria of a Catholic school, the children were lined up for lunch. At the head of the line was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note and she had placed it in front of the apples. The note read: "Take only one, God is watching."

Further down the cafeteria line was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies...

One of the boys had written a note of his own. The note he placed in front of the cookies read: "Take all you want, God is watching the apples."

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A very dirty little fellow came in from playing in the yard and asked his mother, "Who am I?"

Ready to play the game she said, "I don't know! Who are you?"

"WOW!" cried the child. "Mrs. Johnson was right! She said I was so dirty, my own mother wouldn't recognize me!

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Simple Simon applied for a deputy sheriff's job. In the interview, the sheriff asked him, "What's one and one?"

Simon answered, "Eleven."

This wasn't what the sheriff meant, but he had to admit the boy was right. Next question: "What two days of the week start with the letter 'T'?"

"Today and tomorrow."

The sheriff was impressed by the way Simon thought outside the box, so he challenged him. "Who killed Abraham Lincoln?"

Simon looked surprized and admitted, "I don't know."

"Well, go home and work on that for a while," replied the sheriff, satisfied that he'd stumped him.

Simon went home and told his mother, "The interview went great! First day on the job and I'm already working on a murder case!"

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Chevrolet has added wires to the rear window to clear fog and frost.

Dodge is adding wires under the wipers so they can be freed when frozen and not burn up the motor.

But Ford is ahead of all of them! They're adding the wire elements to the tailgates on all of their trucks. To keep your hands warm while you're pushing!

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