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Relationship troubles... sorta hard to explain.

  Author:  60426  Category:(General Advice) Created:(8/9/2004 9:36:00 PM)
This post has been Viewed (1304 times)

Me and my boyfriend have been going out for almost 6 months (6 months on the 13th of this month) and he moved out of his house a month ago or so. I knew things would be different but I didn't expect it to change so much. He's stopped coming into my house... he'll drop me off and leave to hang out with friends. He's taken to drinking and partying most nights... even when I plead with him to take a break from it for a night. It almost feels that he's scared to be alone with me. The other night I asked him if he went drinking the night before and he said no... then made the mistake of mentioning that the alcohol they bought on Friday took 2 nights to drink (it was on Sunday that I asked). I wouldn't have been mad if he said yes. I've left it alone for a while because I hate to fight with him. He means the world to me and probably saved me from killing myself but I don't know how to start a conversation like this with him at all... any suggestions?

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Replies:      
Date: 8/9/2004 9:40:00 PM  From Authorid: 62752    your young and he sounds young, he is in the stage where he wants to spend time with his friends, ive been through it after 3 years of it i finally left, follow ur head not ur heart KK  
Date: 8/9/2004 9:46:00 PM  From Authorid: 22308    well, my ex, when he left my house at nights sometimes to go home, or go out with his friends, he'd drink and then when he did, he would never call to say he got home or anything. well one day i got tired of it and i asked him straight out why he drank and he told me his reason. i think you should just ask him straight out why he drinks so much and also why he has to lie to you about it. he should never feel that he has to lie to you. good luck!  
Date: 8/9/2004 9:47:00 PM  ( From Author ) From Authorid: 60426    but what makes everything so hard is that because of him I feel so much more alive... better than I have in almost a year. It's also the fact that I don't want to walk away without having tried to talk... I just don't know how to start a conversation like that..  
Date: 8/9/2004 10:07:00 PM  From Authorid: 22308    well i understand its hard and everything but you need to say something sometime soon or you might regret saying it!  
Date: 8/9/2004 10:07:00 PM  From Authorid: 22308    i meant you might regret not saying anything at all  
Date: 8/9/2004 10:35:00 PM  ( From Author ) From Authorid: 60426    i know  
Date: 8/10/2004  From Authorid: 14909    Just dump him.  
Date: 8/10/2004 3:57:00 AM  From Authorid: 46530    I presume that when you say he moved out of his house, you mean he moved away from his home, ie from his parents. If this is the case then of course he will have changed, and change in circumstances affect a person, and he now has the freedom to do what he wants, and whereas in the past the options were be with you, or e at home, now his options are be with you, be where he lives now or e with his mates, and now he doesnt have to report home to whomever, he only has himself to answer to. I guess he cannot see what effect this has on you, but unless you say to him that he has changed since he moved out he wont see it, and maybe even then he will fiht against it saying that he is the same as he ever was. Unfortunately unless you can come to terms with the changes in his activities, and I mean YOU not the two of you, then the relationship may already be over  
Date: 8/10/2004 6:35:00 AM  From Authorid: 24003    You just have to talk to him. Its not easy but it needs to be done. Good luck.  
Date: 8/10/2004 12:21:00 PM  ( From Author ) From Authorid: 60426    I can't just dump him Creech, it's not as easy as that considering my past. Ad, yes he did move out of his parents house. He's always had the ability to do whatever even when living at his parents... the only thing that is different is that he doesn't have to ask if friends can spend the night. You're probably right that he doesn't realize how much he's changed but I can't get on the phone long enough to talk to him anymore. I'll have to corner him at work and tell him that we need to talk. I'm fine with him hanging out and drinking some but I'm tired of him not calling when he says he will and getting drunk every weekend.. I just feel as if I've been pushed aside for the moment but I know that he still loves me and I want to try to work it all out. Thank Adrienne  
Date: 8/10/2004 3:50:00 PM  From Authorid: 53052    it sounds like he has taken to freedom on his own and decided to RUN withit... as far as he can possibly run unfrotunately you cannot get him to change.. you can ask him to see how his life is going but it might just mean you need to take a break from him.. before he pulls you down with him  

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