= = = = = A GIRL'S PRAYER = = = = = WOODEN NICKEL

A GIRL'S PRAYER

Before I lay me down to sleep, I pray for a man, who's not a creep, One who's handsome, smart and strong, One who's love will last my lifetime long. One who thinks before he speaks, When promises to call, he won't wait weeks. I pray that he is gainfully employed, and when I spend his cash, won't be annoyed. Pulls out my chair and opens my door, massages my back and begs to do more. Oh! Send me a man who will make love to my mind, knows just what to say, when I ask "How big's my behind?" I pray that this man will love me to no end, And as I kneel and pray by my bed, I look at the deadhead you sent me instead. Amen

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Several years ago, Andy was sentenced to prison. During his stay, he got along well with the guards and all his fellow inmates. The warden saw that, deep down, Andy was a good person and made arrangements for Andy to learn a trade. After three years, Andy was recognized as one of the best carpenters in the local area. Often he would be given a weekend pass to do odd jobs for the citizens of the community, and he always reported back to prison before Sunday night was over. The warden was thinking of remodeling his kitchen and in fact had done much of the work himself, but he lacked the skills to build a set of kitchen cupboards and a large countertop, which he had promised his wife. So he called Andy into his office and asked him to complete the job for him. However, Andy refused by telling the warden, “Gosh, I’d really like to help you, but counter fitting is what got me into prison in the first place.”

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“Shhaaayyy, buddy, what’s a ‘Breathalyzer’?” asked one drunk to his friend at the next barstool. “Well, I’d have to say that it’s a bag that tells you when you’ve drunk way too much,” answered the equally wasted gent.

“Ah heCK, whaddya know? I’ve been married to one of those for years!”

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She Was Soooooooooooooo Blonde:she tripped over a cordless phone.

She spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice can because it said “concentrate.”

She told me to meet her at the corner of “WALK” and “DON’T WALK”.

At the bottom of the application where it says “sign here,” she put “Sagittarius.”

She asked for a price check at the Dollar Store.

=============== Sid , do they have any Chinese jews here?. ”I don’t know,” Sid replied. “Why don’t we ask the waiter?” When the waiter came by, Al asked him, ”Are there any Chinese Jews?” ”I don’t know sir, let me ask,” the waiter replied, and he went into the kitchen. He returned in a few minutes and said, “No, sir. No, Chinese Jews.” ”Are you sure?” Al asked. ”I will check again, sir,” the waiter replied and went back to the kitchen. While he was still gone, Sid said, “I cannot believe there are no Jews in China. Our people are scattered everywhere.” When the waiter returned he said, “Sir, no Chinese Jews.” ”Are you really sure?” Al asked again. ”I cannot believe there are no Chinese Jews.” ”Sir, I ask everyone,” the waiter replied exasperated.

”We have Orange Jews, Prune Jews, Tomato Jews and Grape Jews, but no Chinese Jews.”

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