= = = DO YOU BELIEVE THIS " = = = WOODEN NICKEL

Long, long ago an old Indian chief was about to die, so he called for Geronimo and Falling Rocks, the two bravest warriors in his tribe. The chief instructed each to go out and seek buffalo skins. Whoever returned with the most skins would be chief.

About a month later Geronimo came back with one hundred pelts; sadly, Falling Rocks never returned.

Today as you drive through the West you can see the evidence of love and devotion the tribe had for this brave. At nearly every mile marker there are signs saying, "Watch for Falling Rocks."

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Funnies Saturday, August 7, 2004

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Male Dominance Thursday, March 18, 2004 Everybody on earth dies and goes to heaven. God comes and says, "I want the men to make two lines. One for the men that dominated their women on earth and the other for the men that were dominated by their women. Also, I want all the women to go with St. Peter."

Said and done, the next time God looked, the women are gone and there are two lines. The line of the men that were dominated by their women was 100 miles long, and in the line of men that dominated their women, there was only one man.

God got mad and said, "You men should be ashamed of yourselves. I created you in my image and you were all whipped by your mates. Look at the only one of my sons that stood up and made me proud. Learn from him! Tell them my son, how did you manage to be the only one in this line?"

And the man replied, "I don't know. My wife told me to stand here."

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A young man was sitting in class when the professor asked him if he knew what the Roe vs. Wade decision was. He sat quietly, pondering this profound question.

Finally, after giving it a lot of thought, he sighed and said, "I think this was the decision George Washington made prior to crossing the Delaware."

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1. How can you arrange for two people to stand on the same piece of newspaper and yet be unable to touch each other without stepping off the newspaper?

2. How many 3-cent stamps are there in a dozen?

3. A rope ladder hangs over the side of a ship. The rungs are one foot apart and the ladder is 12 feet long. The tide is rising at four inches an hour. How long will it take before the first four rungs of the ladder are underwater?

4. Which would you rather have, a trunk full of nickels or a trunk half full of dimes?

5. Steve has three piles of sand and Mike has four piles of sand. If they put them all together, how many do they have?

6. In which sport are the shoes made entirely of metal?

7. If the Vice President of the United States should die, who would be President?

8. How can you throw a golf ball with all your might and--without hitting a wall or any other obstruction--have the ball stop and come right back to you?

9. Find the English word that can be formed from all these letters: PNLLEEEESSSSS

------------------------------------------------- ANSWERS: \>

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> 1. Slide the newspaper half way under a closed door and ask the two people to stand on the bit of newspaper on their side of the door.

2. There are twelve (not four).

3. Actually, the ladder will rise with the ship!

4. Dimes are smaller than nickels, so choose the dimes!

5. If they put them all together, there will be one pile.

6. Horse racing.

7. The President.

8. Throw the ball straight up.

9. Sleeplessness

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One day many years ago, a fisherman's wife blessed her husband with twin sons. They loved the children very much, but couldn't think of what to name their children. Finally, after several days, the fisherman said, "Let's not decide on names right now. If we wait a little while, the names will simply occur to us."

After several weeks had passed, the fisherman and his wife noticed a peculiar fact. When left alone, one of the boys would always turn towards the sea, while the other boy would face inland. It didn't matter which way the parents positioned the children, the same child always faced the same direction. "Let's call the boys Towards and Away," suggested the fisherman. His wife agreed, and from that point on, the boys were simply known as TOWARDS and AWAY.

The years passed and the lads grew tall and strong. The day came when the aging fisherman said to his sons, "Boys, it's time that you learned how to make a living from the sea." They provisioned their ship, said their goodbyes, and set sail for a three-month voyage.

The three months passed quickly for the fisherman's wife, yet the ship had not returned. Another three months passed, and still no ship.

Three whole years passed before the grieving woman saw a lone man walking towards her house. She recognized him as her husband. "My goodness! What has happened to my darling boys?" she cried.

The ragged fisherman began to tell his story:

"We were just barely one whole day out to sea when Towards hooked into a great fish. Towards fought long and hard, but the fish was more than his equal. For a whole week they wrestled upon the waves without either of them letting up. Yet eventually the great fish started to win the battle, and Towards was pulled over the side of our ship. He was swallowed whole, and we never saw either of them again."

"Oh dear, that must have been terrible! What a huge fish that must of been! What a horrible fish. What a *horrible, horrible* fish!"

"Yes, it was, but you should have seen the one that got Away!"

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A police car pulls up in front of Grandma Bessie's house, and Grandpa Morris gets out.

The polite policeman explained that this elderly gentleman said that he was lost in the park and couldn't find his way home.

"Oh Morris," said Grandma. "You've been going to that park for over 30 years! So how could you get lost?"

Leaning close to Grandma so that the policeman couldn't hear, Morris whispered, "I wasn't lost. I was just too tired to walk home."

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A Sunday school teacher was speaking to a group of four-year-olds about Jesus, Joseph and Mary. After the lesson the kids were to draw a picture depicting their favorite part of the story. The teacher shared the pictures the children drew with the entire class. She got pictures of the Baby Jesus in the manger with animals, she got pictures of the three wise men and the like.

Then she got to a picture from little Jimmy, a picture of an airplane with four people on it. She called Jimmy up to explain his picture. She told Jimmy that she could see Mary, Joseph and the Baby Jesus, obviously in their "flight" to Egypt. She didn't understand why there was another man on the plane.

Jimmy quickly explained, "That's Pontius, the pilot."

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It was the first day of school. The previous principal had just retired and a new principal just started. As the principal made his rounds, he heard a terrible commotion coming from one of the classrooms.

He rushed in and spotted one boy, taller than the others, who seemed to be making the most noise. He seized the lad, dragged him to the hall, and told him to wait there until he was excused.

Returning to the classroom, the principal restored order and lectured the class for half an hour about the importance of good behavior.

"Now," he said, "are there any questions?"

One girl stood up timidly. "Please sir," she asked, "May we have our teacher back?"

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Years ago there was a baker's assistant whose sole job was to pour the dough mixture for making sausage rolls (apparently the royal family loved sausage). Because people were identified by their professions, he was just called Richard the Pourer.

One day Richard ran out of some key ingredients, namely a secret spice he used in the batter. He called his apprentice and sent him to the store to buy more spices. When the apprentice arrived at the store, he found that he had forgotten the name of the ingredient. Hoping that the storekeeper might be able to figure it out, he described it to him saying,

"It's for Richard the Pourer, for batter for wurst."

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