= = = = WHO IS TO BLAME ? = = = = WOODEN NICKEL

Who Is To Blame

Let's see if I understand how the world works lately... If a man cuts his finger off while slicing salami at work, he blames the restaurant. If you smoke three packs a day for 40 years and die of lung cancer, your family blames the tobacco company. If your neighbor crashes into a tree while driving home drunk, he blames the bartender. If your grandchildren are brats without manners, you blame television. If your friend is shot by a deranged madman, you blame the gun manufacturer. And if a crazed person breaks into the cockpit and tries to kill the pilot at 35,000 feet, and the passengers kill him instead, the mother of the crazed deceased blames the airline. I must have lived too long to understand the world as it is anymore. So, if I die while my old, wrinkled butt is parked in front of this computer, I want you to blame Bill Gates ...okay?

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I WOULD CATCH THE MOON FOR YOU...just ask

If You Said...

If you said you were cold I would wrap my arms around you If you said you were thirsty I would give you the ocean blue I would give you anything The moon, the stars, the sunset too this heart in my hands that I hold out to you Take these from me they are all I have to give Take them my love for as long as I live I will love you till the day I die Don't look for reasons or even question why If you said you were lonely I would be there at your side If you said you were sad I would wipe the tears you cried I would give you anything the moon, the stars, the sunset too this heart in my hands that I hold out to you Take these from me they are all I have to give keep them my love for as long as you live.

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One night my friend John and I were sitting at a bar where he used to work when an attractive woman, a former co-worker, came in and sat next to him. She told him she had just had a fight with her husband, a police officer, and needed to get out of the house for a while. They had been talking for a few minutes when, as a joke, I leaned over to John. “Don’t look now,” I whispered, “but a guy about six-five just walked in. And he’s got a gun.” Without hesitating, John turned to me. “Quick, Ed,” he said, “kiss me on the lips.”

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Brain Test

Try this simple calculation to test your brain. Don't use a calculator. Take 1000 and add 40 to it.

Now add another 1000.

Now add 30.

Now add another 1000.

Now add 20.

Now add another 1000.

Now add 10. What is the total? (scroll down for answer)

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>

>

>

>

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Did you get 5000?

Well, the correct answer is actually 4100. Don't believe it? Check with your calculator! If you got the correct answer the first time, then good for you! If you got 5000, don't worry. You're normal!

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The Little Things

Little stones can make big mountains,

Little steps can cover miles,

Little acts of loving kindness Give the world its biggest smiles!

Little words can soothe big troubles,

Little hugs can dry big tears,

Little candles light the darkness,

Little memories last for years.

Little dreams can lead to greatness,

Little victories to success, It's the little things in life That bring the greatest happiness!

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The Grading Of Final Exams

A large university asked their professors to post, for their students, how final exams would be graded this year. These are the results:

Dept Of Statistics: All grades will be plotted along the normal bell curve.

Dept Of Psychology: Students will be asked to blot ink in their exam books, close them, and turn them in. The professor will open the books, and assign the first grade that comes to mind.

Dept Of History: All students will get the same grade they got last year.

Dept Of Theology: Grade will be determined by God.

Dept Of Philosophy: What is a grade?

Dept Of Law: Students will be asked to defend their position of why they should receive an A.

Dept Of Mathematics: Grades will be variable.

Dept Of Logic: If, and only if, the student is present for the final, and the student has accumulated a passing grade, then the student will receive an A, else the student will not receive an A.

Dept Of Computer Science: A random number generator will be used to determine the student's grade.

Dept Of Music: Each student will be asked to figure out his/her grade by listening to the instructor play the corresponding note (+ and - will be sharp and flat, respectively).

Dept Of Physical Education: Everybody will get an A

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