= = = = A BIG HULK OF A GUY = = = = WOODEN NICKEL

One fine day, a bus driver went to the bus garage, started his bus, and drove off along the route. No problems for the first few stops – a few people got on, a few got off, and things went generally well. At the next stop, however, a big hulk of a guy got on. Six feet eight, built like a wrestler, arms hanging down to the ground. He glared at the driver and said, “Big John doesn’t pay!” and sat down at the back. Oh, did I mention that the driver was five feet three, thin, and basically meek? Well, he was. Naturally, he didn’t argue with Big John, but he wasn’t happy about it.The next day the same thing happened – Big John got on again, made a show of refusing to pay, and sat down. And the next day, and the one after that, and so forth. This grated on the bus driver, who started losing sleep over the way Big John was taking advantage of him. Finally he could stand it no longer. He signed up for body building courses, karate, judo, and all that good stuff. By the end of the summer, he had become quite strong; what’s more, he felt really good about himself. So on the next Monday, when Big John once again got on the bus and said, ”Big John doesn’t pay!,” the driver stood up, glared back at the passenger, and screamed, “And why the HEck not?!?” With a surprised look on his face, Big John grins and pats the busdriver on the back and says, ”’Cause Big John’s got a ’ bus pass!”

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One evening, a young woman came home from a date, rather sad. She told her mother, “Anthony proposed to me an hour ago.” “Then why are you so sad?” her mother asked. “Because he also told me he is an atheist. Mom, he doesn’t even believe there’s a Devil.” Her mother replied, “Marry him anyway. Between the two of us, we’ll show him just how wrong he is.”

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One evening, Aspazia drew her husband, Myrddin’s attention to the couple next door and said, ”Do you see that couple? How loving they are? He kisses her every time they meet. Why don’t you do that? She asked. Myrddin replies “I tried once but she slapped me.”

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One evening, Aspazia drew her husband, Myrddin’s attention to the couple next door and said, ”Do you see that couple? How loving they are? He kisses her every time they meet. Why don’t you do that? She asked. Myrddin replies “I tried once but she slapped me.”

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One evening, I was driving my eight-year-old daughter to her grandparents’ home for an overnight stay. It was late, there was very little traffic, and we were enjoying a peaceful ride. It was a far cry from the usual chaos surrounding us when I drive her to various activities during rush hour. My daughter seemed deep in thought, when she said, “I have a question.” “What do you want to know?” I responded. “Mom, when you’re driving,” she asked, “are YOU ever the idiot?”

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Men are like ... old car tires Balding, full of hot air, and it never hurts to have a spare.

Men are like .. plastic wrap Cheap. Clingy. And very easy to see through.

Men are like ... department stores Their clothes should always be half off.

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A patient tells the Doctor, "I've been going to a faith healer, but wasn't getting any better." The Doctor smiled and said, "And what dumb advice did this phony give you ?" "He told me to come see you." replied the new patient.

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A friend hosted a dinner party for people from work and everyone was encouraged to bring their children. All during the sit-down dinner, one co-worker's three-year-old girl stared at the man sitting across from her. The girl could hardly eat her food, so busy staring. The man checked his tie, felt his face for food, patted his hair in place, but nothing stopped her from staring at him. He tried his best to just ignore her but finally it was too much for him. He asked her, "Why are you staring at me?" Everyone at the table had noticed her behavior and the table went quiet for her response. The little girl said, "I just want to see how you drink like a fish!"

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How did Clinton create 14 million new jobs? 13 million of them are comedians.

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What Sex are They?.....

ZIPLOC BAGS: MALE -- because they hold everything in, but you can always see right through them.

SHOE: MALE -- because it is usually unpolished, with its tongue hanging out.

COPIER: FEMALE -- because once turned off, it takes a while to warm up.

TIRE: MALE -- because it goes bald and often is over inflated.

HOT AIR BALLOON: MALE -- because to get it to go anywhere you have to light a fire under it and, of course, there's the hot air part.

SPONGES: FEMALE -- because they are soft and squeezable and retain water.

SUBWAY: MALE -- because it uses the same old lines to pick people up.

HOURGLASS: FEMALE -- because over time, the weight shifts to the bottom.

HAMMER: MALE -- because it hasn't evolved much over the last 5,000 years, but it's handy to have around.

REMOTE CONTROL: FEMALE -- Ha! You thought I'd say male. But consider this: it gives men pleasure, he'd be lost without it, and while he doesn't always know the right buttons to push, he keeps trying.

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Men are like ... newborn babies They're cute at first, but you get tired of picking up their crap.

Men are like ... coffee The best ones are rich, hot and can keep you up all night.

Men are like ... computers. Hard to figure out and never enough memory.

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