Looking for - BEST FRIEND LOST AND HAPPINESS GONE TOO

his name was Brewster, i loved him more than anything in the world! he was my best friend in the world and i loved him so. i trusted him the most and he was more than a best friend or a brother to me, he was my life!! i always said that i loved him, but i never really became aware of the lonliness feeling till he left! everynight that he suffered that last week i looked up at the sky and said,"God, take me tonight instead of him, he deserves more than i will ever in my life, or have ever deserved.HE DESERVES TO LIVE GOD, NOT ME!! Please take me tonight god, take me and end his suffering!" then it changed to "WHY HIM GOD? Why did u have to take such a beautiful soul and leave an abberant selfish nothing like me??WHY??I NEED HIM BACK!!! HE IS MY ANGEL NOW< BUT I NEED HIM WITH ME NOT LOOKING OVER ME!" and i gave up! everynight now i stare at the sky and talk to Brewster! i tell him how i wish it was me instead of him and how much i hate myself now! i have changed so much now and i hurt even more than i have ever! since he has left me my life has sucked and my happyness has dispelled! i always ponder why he was taken away and not me, in the long run i always want to be with brewster even if i have to take "drastic measures" but i havent the heart to do that! im too scared of my own self now!! i miss him and have no comfort in my life to fill that giant void/hole!! and wish to see my Brewster again!*crys her eyes out* Thanks for ur time u guys! ~//~ Jenn *_*

i miss him too much and life is so hard without them! i need to fill a void in my heart!