Abuse and it's Complexities......PammieRose

Abuse comes in many forms, ranging from verbal, to physical. Although all forms of abuse, leave deeply embedded scars, I think the most tragic form of abuse, is child molestation. The aftermath ramifications are endless and lasting; they will follow you through your entire life.

There are many that say they are survivors and I have no reason to not believe them. I too was abused as a child and yes, I did survive, but believe me the emotional scars still remain and the demons still lurk wrecking havoc in my life at every opportunity.

I wish I had easy answers, but there are none. When a person abuses a young innocent child, they mentally kill that child in that they never experience childhood from that moment on and even as they reach adulthood, they will always have problems making rash, constructive decisions for themselves. many times, a victim will find themselves in one bad relationship, after another. Some other symptoms of child abuse are that you never feel like you belong anywhere, you always feel like you’re on the outside looking in, you never feel that you are good enough, and one that is very destructive is you can become co-dependent. Another thing which can occur, but didn’t happen to me, is you can develop fractured personalities or Multi Personality Disorder (MPD)or as it is known today, DID. I have known individuals with this. As for me, when I was in my early 40’s, I developed severe panic disorder. Since I had never told a soul about my abuse, I never received counseling and my doctor told me that since it was never dealt with, it would manifest in some way and it did in panic.

I don’t mean to sound negative, but I certainly don’t have the answers. However, I do believe that it is absolutely essential that anyone having been abused needs counseling. The sooner, the better. Be it you, your children...whoever.

As for me, I was told over and over that the best thing for me to do would be to confront the abusers. I always balked at this idea..it actually terrified me. Then I reached a point in life where I became extremely anger for no apparent reason. Everyone was a victim of my anger. I would attack those closest to me unprovoked. I knew something had to be done. For whatever reason, confrontation stuck in my mind, so I gathered up all my courage and sat down and wrote each of my abusers a long letter placing the blame where it was appropriate.

I knew what could happen going in. I knew they could deny their participation and I was ready for that to happen. I was right, they each vehemently denied ever touching me. Even though I knew the truth, I realized they did too. Even though they denied the truth, a wonderful thing had happened. I no longer carried the burden alone..I had place it back where it belonged. In no shape or form, do I suggest or advise anyone to take this step. It requires many, many itty bitty baby steps, before taking a step of this magnitude. What worked for me and helped, may not do the same for someone else. You may think you're mentally prepared for such a step, but then find out you're not.

I wish I could say there was an instant cure, but there wasn’t and never will be. It’s a battle for life. When you’re a victim, your whole being is splintered and not, one single thing, can put it back together again. That is why counseling is so viable. A skilled counselor can help to put the pieces back together once again. If anyone ever wants to talk about any of this...I can be profiled. I have no magical cures, but I do have my own experiences and will be happy to help where I can. Sometimes it is beneficial just to have someone listen that can relate.

Hugs, PammieRose

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