= = = = = = ONCE UPON A TIME = = = = = = WOODEN NICKEL

Once upon a time, Hercules, Snow White and Quasimodo were talking over a picnic lunch. Hercules says “You know, everyone says I am the strongest mortal on the earth, but I don’t know how to prove it. That bothers me a lot.” Snow White said “You’re right! Everyone says I am the fairest, but how can I be sure?” Quasimodo agrees. “Yeah, and I’m supposed to be the ugliest!” Suddenly Snow White has an idea. “You know, guys, I’ve got the answer. Let’s pray about this and ask God to tell us the truth.” Hercules says “Great, Let’s meet tomorrow and tell our tales.” The next day, they meet at a restaurant in town. Hercules says, “I talked to God, and He says that I am truly the strongest.” Snow White says, “So did I, and I am truly the fairest.” Quasimodo has his head down, leaning on the table and says, “Who the HEck is Janet Reno?

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Once upon a time, in a land far, far away, a beautiful, independent, self-assured princess, happened upon a frog as she sat contemplating ecological issues on the shores of an unpolluted pond in a verdant meadow near her castle. The frog hopped into the Princess’s lap and said, “Elegant Lady, I was once a handsome Prince, until an evil witch cast a spell upon me. One kiss from you, however, and I will turn back into the dapper, young Prince that I am and then, my sweet, we can marry and setup housekeeping in yon castle with my Mother, where you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children, and forever feel grateful and happy doing so.” That night, while dining on lightly sauté frog legs seasoned in a white wine and onion cream sauce, she chuckled to herself and thought: “I don’t think so!”

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When the world falls down around you and a prayer will see you through, Say an extra prayer for someone Who may need it more than you.

For who knows whose hearts are breaking In the silence of the night, Just that extra prayer you whisper May help someone to see the light.

Every time you help a stranger With an extra prayer or two, You are building extra blessings That will always come back to you.

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After creating Heaven and Earth, God created Adam and Eve, and the first thing He did was tell them the things they were not to do. "Don't," said God.

"Don't what?" replied Adam. "Don't eat the forbidden fruit," God repeated. "Forbidden fruit? We've got forbidden fruit? Hey, Eve, look... we've got forbidden fruit!" "No way!" exclaimed Eve. "No kidding!" "Don't eat that fruit!" said God. "Why?" asked both. "Because I'm your Father and I said so!" said God, wondering just what He had started here.

A little while later God looked in and sure enough, the kids were having an apple break, and He was angry."Didn't I tell you not to eat that fruit?" the

First Parent asked. "Uh huh," Adam replied. "Then why did you?" "I dunno," Eve answered. "She started it!" Adam said. "Did not!" "Did so!" "Did not!" And so on.

Having had it with the two of them, God's punishment was that Adam and Eve should have children of their own. Thus the pattern was set and it has never changed. But there is a reassurance in this story.

If you have persistently and lovingly tried to give them wisdom and they haven't always taken it, don't be too hard on yourself.

If God had trouble with His children, what makes you think it would be a piece of cake for you?!?

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ANSWER TO AN AGE OLD QUESTION

Q. Why must we put on our pants one leg at a time? A. If we jumped into our pants, simultaneously placing both legs in at one time, we would land heavily on the ground. As a majority of us are getting dressed at the same time of the morning, the cumulative effect would cause an earth tremor.

Due to the use of time zones, the tremor established in Eastern Time would arrive in the central zone at precisely the moment all those people were jumping into their pants. The tremor would increase in size exponentially, and proceed west, to combine with the mountain zone folks as they get dressed.

As this cycle encircles the globe, it would feed upon the next day's tremor, and eventually cause the earth's crust to break apart and float into space. This is why we put our pants on one leg at a time.

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Before I Was A Mom

I made and ate hot meals. I had unstained clothing. I had quiet conversations on the phone.

I slept as late as I wanted And never worried about how late I got into bed. I brushed my hair and my teeth everyday.

I cleaned my house each day. I never tripped over toys or forgot words to lullabies.

I didn't worry whether or not my plants were poisonous. I never thought about immunizations. I had never been puked on, pooped on, Spit on, chewed on, peed on, Or pinched by tiny fingers

I had complete control of my mind My thoughts, my body, and my mind. I slept all night.

I never held down a screaming child So that doctors could do tests Or give shots.

I never looked into teary eyes and cried. I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin. I never sat up late hours at night watching a baby sleep.

I never held a sleeping baby just because I didn't want to put it down. I never felt my heart break into a million pieces When I couldn't stop the hurt.

I never knew that something so small Could affect my life so much. I never knew that I could love someone so much. I never knew I would love being a Mom.

I didn't know the feeling of having my heart outside my body. I didn't know how special it could feel to feed a hungry baby. I didn't know that bond between a Mother and her child.

I had never gotten up in the middle of the night Every 10 minutes to make sure all was okay I had never known the warmth, the joy, the love, The heartache, the wonderfulment, Or the satisfaction of being a Mom.

Now I Know How You Felt! I Love You Mom!

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Fred was telling his friend how his uncle tried to make a new car for himself... "so he took wheels from a Cadillac, a radiator from a Ford, some tires and fenders from a Plymouth..." "Holy Cow," interrupted his friend, "What did he end up with?" Fred replied, "Two years in jail."

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