Please, I Really Need Some Serious Relationship Advice - Eddy

Hi all. Hope your all having a good week, and if not then chances are things will get better!

Anyway, i have a problem... or a few at least. me and my girlfriend have been having some really serious arguments and im not sure what to do!

we've been together for just over 6 months and we both love each other so much! we've been living together for most of that time. almost as soon as we got together she moved in to my parents house. just under a month ago we moved out to our own flat.

up until now i guess we've had a fairly good relationship. everythings been fine and the arguments we've had we've got over and solved them peacefully.

as of yesterday things have taken a turn for the worse... a few months ago we had an argument and it was basically solved by hannah (my girlfriend) not going round to her old parents house on her own (this is because her mums boyfriend used to abuse both her and her brother while her mum sat and did nothing - twisted i know). so we arranged that when she went round to see her mum and little brother (who has downs syndrome and she loves more than anythnig in the world) that she would always go with me if steve (the abusing boyfriend of her mum) was there. this was fine. no more arguments about that subject. fair to say since she moved out she has not seen her little brother very much (she's not too bothered about seeing her mum), so maybe only seen him once a month if that.

her mum, since she moveed out to live with me, has always carried on recieving her child benefits for hannah and been sending it through the post to her on a weekly basis. when we moved out to our own flat this money didnt turn up for two weeks in a row, although her mum swears blind she posted it. being her mum, its quite likely shes plain and simple lying and spent the money on fags and booze (alcoholic wreck - did i firget to mention?) so for the third week we decided that the only way we are going to get the money is if we go round and collect it in person, and we certainly needed the money as its all we've had to live on this last week! so yesterday me and hannah both arrived home from work as planned before going to her mums. this is when im told that her mum called her on the bus on the way back, that hannah is going to go round on her own for 5-10 mins just to get the money and go, not to stop and have a nice long chat, as she knows how i hate her being in that house with steve there and im not. so i thought fair enough, its only 10 minutes, its not too bad, i'll let her go on her own (although i had little choice as we only had enough money to get one of us there!). this was at about 5 when she left, saying she'll be back around 6-6.30 which was fine as we was supposed to be going to watch the england match at the pub at 7 with friends (we're english btw). it gets to 6.15, she should be nearly back by now, although i was thinking i bet shes still there, and so i was worried that if she was what was going on with steve being there! so me worrying constantly as the time gets on decided i'd give her a call to check she was out there house and on her way back. no surprises, she was still there and had been for bout 40 mins (when she previously said theres no way she'd stay anywhere near half an hour), and so i had a go at her for lying (i knew she'd stay and let her know how i felt just before she left to go) and she still stayed a long while regardless, which is just another lie to add to her collection (although she'es not been too bad for a few months now, really started being honest and all). so we argued over the phone, while her mum was saying things to hannah and shouting from cross the room down the phone making problems worse (her mum likes to cause problems like that, she doesnt care who gets hurt as long as she sees people she doesnt like (me) suffer!

being annoyed that she lied to me about staying for a while and being around the man who used to abuse her every day of her life when she used to live there, i said she had better come back now, and i'll go and meet her half way so we can sort things out (without her mum making things worse). that particular argument ended as my phone smashed against the wall in frustration.

thankfully she did leave and meet me half way. we ended up having a big argument just by the main road on a small area of grass for about an hour. we argued about her staying round and lying to me, her saying that i never let her see her family and all sorts more which i'll get to in a minute.

firstly she said i never let her see her family because she cant go round on her own because of steve (abuser)and because she cant go round because her mum doesnt want me there! but she has never once made any effort (and neither has her mum at that) to ask to meet up anywhere other than the house, such as a pub (her mums second home) or a park or the beach or our flat our anywhere! she never made any effort to see them at all, and instead decided to lie to me about going round for 5/10 mins just to pick up some money, and instead staying for a nice long cosy chat with them all (which she said she wouldnt do) this causing big arguments.

after we shouted our views at each others crying faces, we got on to other problems in our relationship, about how im so lucky that i wasnt abused and i get on with my family and she never sees any of hers. not so true, she never tries to see any of her family, and does see her aunts cousins and dad every now and then. i only see my mum and little brother, and my uncle. so its not like i have a great well formed family that she can be jealous of!

then it turned to frieds. she said she was kind of jealous because i have lots of good friends that i can go out with when i want and have a life, where as she never goes out with her friends, most of whom are crap friends. and this is my fault how? i explained to her that my friends mean so much to me, and the reason i have so many good friends is because i treat them like friends, i make the effort to see them, i do them favours, im always there for them if they need me, i never lie to them etc etc... where as she does lie to her friends, cant be bothered to talk to them or ever arrange to go out with them!

at this point i started saying how i've become more distant from a lot of my friends, some amazing great friends who i love to bits, because i love her more and would rather spend my time with her. this is where i broke down in uncontrolable tears and the arguments kind of stopped there for a while. we started to walk back discussing some of the smaller problems like about my friends and me going out while she stays in (her choice btw, half the time she forces me to go out with them while she stays in) whilst we walked along the beach back to our flat.

as we got nearly back we both cheered up a bit and the arguments seemed to have been put aside, and so we decided we would go to the football after all and have a bit of fun. got there for the second half of the game, we won 4-2!!! yey :p and we got a bit drunk and had some fun.

after the football (at around 11.30pm) we ended up going back to one of the guys from my friends work's houses for kind of an after party. this was kind of cool... up until the point where a girl i'd only met that night (from my friends work place) was so drunk she just fell forward onto the table of drinks, smashed a wine glass and had the stub of it cut a big gash in her arm. fair bit of blood. she was hysterical. at this point i just clicked, stopped being drunk, and took control of the situation, i got a cloth pulled tight around the wound, and tried to get her some space and to calm her down. this took a while. an ambulance was called because no one knew how badly it was bleeding. the ambulance guys arrived and by this time she was a little more calm and it turned out the wound would be fine and everything went fairly dismall. so i decided it was time to go (it was about 2/3am sort of time, and me and hannah both had to be up around 8ish for work this morning.)

took a while to go, i said goodbye to everyone, hannah said goodbye to a few people and gave this guy matt a hug goodbye who she'd been sitting next to while all the drama was going on. we walked back to ours on our own. half way back she decided to inform me that the matt guy had actually been trying to hit on her (despite it being his house, and he was there with his girlfriend - i think they had a small argument because someone was bleeding all over their house) and she'd said no to him. well done i thought, then realised hang on, she was hugging him goodbye, whats with that!! you dont reject a guy trying to hit on u by saying no and then hugging him goodbye, and so i prob over reacted but i shouted at her (because she never stands up for herself in that situation and tells the guy to leave her alone firmly - theres been plenty of times this situation has occured through our relationship, it was something we'd argued about earlier that day, and she still did it again that night! she can never get a guy to stop hitting on her! its so annoying!!! so me shouting at her turned in to a big argument again like from earlier in the day, about a lot of the same stuff and more! we got in, continued arguing past 4am and after several (what seemed) hours of crying i somehow fell asleep. we kind of sorted out some of the arguments but we still need to talk. im at work now and so is she.





so i really am confused at the moment. i dont want to lose her over this. i really couldnt handle that.

but what do i do about the situation with her seeing her little brother.

what can i do about her not getting guys to leave her alone?

what can i do about her being jealous of my friends?

what can i do about her never going out with her friends, resulting in her not having too many friends?

what can i do about all of the things that ive said!



the main problems in our relationship seem to be her mum, because with the situation as it is (me and her mum not talking), we cant go round to see her little brother if im there, i dont want her being around the guy who abused her for 2 years, but i want her to see her family!

and the other problem is her lying... its got better but it still comes back every now and then when she lies here and there... it makes it so hard to trust her. especially when her mum persuades her to lie and influences her to stay to see her little brother knowing full wel it causes us arguments.

and the other problem about hannah not being firm enough with guys hitting on her! she's with me, why cant she act like it!!!



please please please i beg anyone, give me some help here, i really dont know what to do at the moment!

thanks a lot

Eddy

ps sorry its so long for you to read.

Show all stories by   Author:  19869 ( Click here )