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Date: 6/15/2004 10:45:00 PM
From Authorid: 62136
Ew what a sticky situation. Personally, tell the woman all you know. She has already been hurt by the accusations against her husband and it would hurt her more if everyone didnt give her truth. No sense in lying to her or tip toeing around it all. Lay it all out for her as much as possible. The one person that she really needs to talk to is this "Vanessa" person. If I were her, the woman married to "Norman", in her shoes, I would want to know what kind of a man I was married to. This way she can start healing now rather than later. If it be later, it may be more of a blow. Just be prepared that she get more upset at the fact that she wasnt told sooner. Good luck and sorry you had to be brought in to the middle of all this.  |
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Date: 6/15/2004 10:45:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 48250
I thought I should Change the title to this post...I realize it is a Very Touchy Subject...Maybe I should have Posted this in the "Debate" Category...Because perhaps some may feel it is wrong to not tell someone about something this serious...Yet my Only Explanation...I do not wish to hurt another...or anyone for that matter.. What is Your opinion.... Would You tell?? Replies are Appreciated..T/C  |
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Date: 6/15/2004 10:46:00 PM
From Authorid: 62136
I meant, "Personally, if it were me, I would tell her all that I know" |
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Date: 6/15/2004 10:53:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 48250
Thank You ZooKeeper...remember "Norman Bates" In The Movie, "Psycho" This is who that (creep) woman's husband reminds me of>>>> and yes it is a Very Sticky situation... yet this woman respects me as well as I respect her. I guess she needs to know the truth, but sometimes revealing hurtful things to someone can backfire, and everyone is angry...the lady is going to go talk to "Vanessa" and her parents before she comes by tomorrow evening>>> all I know is that "Vanessa" had told me that she was going to let the man's insults go and the next thing that she knew, word had gotten back to her dad that "The Creep" was talking about her and what is done has been done... It is A Very sad situation, and one I would have rather been left out of.... Thanks for You're Opinion....It is Very Much Appreciated...T/C |
| Date: 6/15/2004 10:56:00 PM From Authorid: 62744 If being involved involuntarily? What can you do but try and be a friend to all, and stay away from it as much as you can. If you're friends with all of them, you might say you know a little something and give a watered down version. But if at all possible... try and remain as impartial as you can. Usually the "would be" peacemaker in these situations turn out to be everyone's enemy. Good luck., KB. Take care. -Damon |
Date: 6/15/2004 10:57:00 PM
From Authorid: 19685
i would just talk to her, say all that you have to say and tell her that's simply all you know. the longer it goes on, the more its gonna hurt everyone, especially the guy's wife. the poor woman needs to know whats going on so she can make proper decisions about what she's gonna do with her life. and if her husband has this sort of behavior, it's not out of the question that he might be violent towards her, especially in this type of situation. thats my opinion, but it's your choice. i can totally understand you not wanting anything to do with the situation. but life deals us nothing more than what we can handle. i'm sure you'll figure out what would be best to do. good luck  |
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Date: 6/15/2004 11:00:00 PM
From Authorid: 62136
Is this man a threat to "Vanessa"? meaning a physical threat? If so, it may be in her best interest to get a PPO against him. Well, I am sure that this woman will be hurt by all this but I would think she would be hurt more if she werent told and found out later that others had the opportunity to tell her the truth and didnt. I guess I am going by how I would feel if she were me. I realise that sometimes some things are better left unsaid for the sake of hurting someone but to me, something like this shouldnt be kept. In all honesty, I would hold more respect for a person telling me the truth even tho it would hurt, vs them holding back and keeping something from me that could cause more embarassment and pain in the future. You sure have a toughie here. I guess it would be easier to answer this better if I knew the person, the wife. Its hard to say over all, not knowing her personality and the situation first hand. |
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Date: 6/15/2004 11:10:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 48250
Thank You for You're opinions, Damon and Shattered.. I am not Pretending to be the Peacemaker here in this situation, I was unwillingly placed in the middle of this fiasco...And I suppose that I am just a little tired of it.. But I do respect the woman... and know personally of the tragedy in her life many years ago...She does plan to talk to the young woman's parents as well as the young woman herself,, and if "Vanessa" were just one year younger...The police no doubt would have already arrested this (Creep) man.(Whom is Possibly in his early 50's) I would rather not be involved. I know that more is not put upon us then we can bare..I Appreciate That Shattered...Still maybe it is Best that this woman does know what kind of man her husband truly is...still it just seems so unfair to her...Thanks again for You're Opinions...T/C |
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Date: 6/15/2004 11:20:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 48250
I myself have been thinking along those lines too ZooKeeper... that he may be a threat to "Vanessa" Now that this is out.. Apparently he was on some ego trip mentioning 18 year old etc etc...But it is not so "Funny" any more now that her parents are aware of his behavior.. I will message You ZooKeeper about this woman...Thanks for You're Opinion,,, It is very Difficult for me... T/C |
Date: 6/16/2004 12:53:00 AM
From Authorid: 55386
Ehhh....Don't you hate it when ppl involve you into something you just don't wanna get into? Personally, I would tell everything I knew, not hiding anything. The truth hurts, but lies hurt more in the end.  |
Date: 6/16/2004 1:58:00 AM
From Authorid: 53634
I agree so much with everything said here. This poor woman knows something is up and has asked you to be open and honest with her. In a very loving way I would tell her everything you know. She can then make up her own mind on the info you have given. Hope all goes well whatever you decide to do **spacegirl**  |
Date: 6/16/2004 6:56:00 AM
From Authorid: 62624
Answer her question, but offer no more information unless she presses you for them. This woman has a right to know. He could come home and give her HIV. Would you want that on your conscience...knowing that he's a cheater and she has been played a fool all of these years? Wouldn't you want to know if you were her and found all of this out? I know that the human instinct is to not get involved, but if she approaches you, you have to tell her what you know. Lying to her would be unChristian like. Kimberley  |
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Date: 6/16/2004 8:48:00 AM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 48250
Thank You GothicAngel...Yes I detest being involved in something like this...it is truly a Mess...Thank You for Your reply, SpaceGirl, I think she was surprised with the way she was talking over the phone....I don't think that she even suspected her husband had been cheating all those years, much less know that he is after an eighteen year old...I won't Lie to anyone...but I would have rather been kept out of this....I'm not sure how it is Someone so rotten and dirty could do this, Yet not be found out....Thank You for Your reply Kimberley...Yes I would want to know, and You are right he could bring home HIV And any other transmitted disease...What the real problem is here with me is the fact this woman has already been through so much in losing a Very Dear Loved One Tragically...it is a Tragedy to Lose a Loved One at all, but it is the way she lost her Loved One..Her Circumstances are somewhat different in regard to my own loss....but it is like this, I attempt to put myself in another's place...although we can never fully understand another's grief or pain.... But when I think about this whole mess with the Young girl, I think about what this woman has gone through.... to me it would be the same result... if Someone came to me years later and told me that during our marriage my Late husband had cheated on me or was cheating on me....It is this reason I feel as I do....But, I agree she does need to know...but I just wish these people had not involved me...and it is he who is the Big Idiot, for ever having been unfaithful in the first place....she is not been duped on by him, because she will come out the Better in all of this mess...She will have rid herself of a philanderer.... a Creep...Thank You All for You're Opinions, They are Valued and Appreciated!...God Bless...T/C |
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Date: 6/16/2004 9:10:00 AM
From Authorid: 49976
I would tell his wife..then she could decide what to do from there. Hugs&Cookies  |
| Date: 6/16/2004 9:20:00 AM From Authorid: 62744 It's not a great position to be in KB, but look at it this way...at least you know they're all coming to you because they feel like they can trust you and consider you a good friend. Hard to do when they're coming at you from both sides, but...LOL, I think it can be done. Take care. -Damon |
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Date: 6/16/2004 12:36:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 48250
Thank You for You're reply Angel Neice (Crooked Halo), I'm sure the woman will be here later this evening...Wish me Luck!...Yes Damon I do Appreciate that others' feel they can confide in me, and Yes! it is difficult at best when there are several friends involved in this ..whew! I hope I can get through this day! (lol) Thanks Again for The opinions!....T/C |
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