Date: 6/15/2004 6:15:00 PM
From Authorid: 3688
I think mainly because they aren't there to defend themselves, which is why most people find it disrespectful...I believe the truth should be spoken about a person regardless, however I do realize that what I view as truth others might not, as over time every truth seems to get a bit skewed.  |
Date: 6/15/2004 6:17:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 33925
They may not be there to defend themselves Dreamer, but their life was proof of their actions..They didnt care how they treated some in life..Why should we care whether they gained respect in death..Just MY opinion though.  |
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Date: 6/15/2004 6:18:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 33925
Another thought..Adolf Hitler was a horrible man..had many people killed...After his death we continued to talk about how horrible he was..its all through the history books..He isnt here to defend himself..so should we respect him? |
Date: 6/15/2004 6:20:00 PM
From Authorid: 3688
lol well...like I said...I speak the truth regardless just depends on the person I think  |
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Date: 6/15/2004 6:22:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 33925
I'm like you Dreamer..I speak the truth as well..but I also will not disrespect those that loved someone by saying what is on my mind.. |
Date: 6/15/2004 6:23:00 PM
From Authorid: 5061
LL,i perfer not to think back,one of my sisters is going threw some horrible flash backs to this very day.  |
Date: 6/15/2004 6:24:00 PM
From Authorid: 3277
I agree with you completely. Why lie about your feelings for someone. Theyre dead they don't care. It's just being hypocritical when you lie about someone.  |
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Date: 6/15/2004 6:25:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 33925
I hear ya Jeanie..flashbacks are a horrible thing..I know..I live with them. |
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Date: 6/15/2004 6:26:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 33925
Exactly Twilight!! That is what I am saying..LOL |
Date: 6/15/2004 6:36:00 PM
From Authorid: 20750
Well I have never had that experience. Thank God! Yet I have known people that have had major problems,as mental illness & drug & alachol problems, yet they were good people & kind people. I would never say they were bad people because of their addictions & such. There are wife, son,s daughter's & friends to consider! No one knows all of anyone. So just because they had problems, I would not bad mouth them. I would show respect to the loved ones. And this person is dead & is not there to defend a thing that is said against them. Now I realize in Kiki's post a celberty will get it all! *Shrugs*  |
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Date: 6/15/2004 6:37:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 33925
Author only..actually it made perfect sense! My thought though is..If I dont have anything good to say, Im just not going to say anything..I wont sit and extol the virtues of a person just to make those around feel better..If they dont deserve it they aint going to have my high praise..I wont disrespect those that loved and cared for him..but I dont have to go against my feelings either..Did THAT make sense?? LOLOL |
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Date: 6/15/2004 6:40:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 33925
Moon girl...I understand those situations..I'm talking about those that were just plain nasty throughout life..and others fail to admit that after their death..I remember a couple incidents with my Father while he was alive..Like how some of his own family used to shun him while he was alive..speak ill of him..then after he died..OMG you would think that Angels reached down and wiped clean his whole life and only left the good..They were constantly talking about what a "wonderful" man he was..LOL..talk about hypocritical..At least my family knows that I felt the same about him alive and dead. |
Date: 6/15/2004 6:41:00 PM
From Authorid: 4231
I agree..a person is who who a person is..in death or life joined. it shoudl not matter...I do see your point.  |
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Date: 6/15/2004 6:43:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 33925
Thank you Josh! |
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Date: 6/15/2004 6:48:00 PM
From Authorid: 20750
I understand what you are saying LL & I am sure you are very valid in your beliefs of him! Yet not everyone is going to pericive a person the same way! Your truth may not be a distant realitive's truth, that know's nothing of the cruel way he was toward you. So there for if you tell them how cruel he was, they won't believe you because he was nice to them! The truth to each person is different. Only you know your own truth in any situation. So I guess my point to all of this is, each truth could be different & speaking ill of a loved one can be seen as disrespectiful! *Shrugs* I hope this made sense! |
Date: 6/15/2004 6:52:00 PM
From Authorid: 36704
I did a post about this same subject a couple years ago. I don't know why people do it, makes them seem fake in my eyes to suddenly do a turn about. Maybe they're afraid the person's gonna come back to haunt them  |
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Date: 6/15/2004 6:54:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 33925
LOLOL..Base that is just what I said to someone else a few minutes ago! What are they afraid of..that the person will rise from the dead and get em?? I find it disrespectful as well..especially if during their life they were badmouthed and ridiculed..then suddenly they are a saint after death..go figure. |
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Date: 6/15/2004 6:54:00 PM
From Authorid: 62744
I could probably speak ill of a few dead people, and there's a few I could speak kindly of. I'd just hate to and then one day, have them speak back. Take care. -Damon |
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Date: 6/15/2004 6:56:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 33925
Moongirl I am not saying to shout it out to all the family and tell them what a horrible person someone was..but I will NOT sit and praise him either..Silence is golden in a situation like that..The ones I have a problem with are the ones who would trash him in life and praise him in death..ya know what I mean?? |
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Date: 6/15/2004 6:58:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 33925
LOLOL..that is highly unlikely Damon..but..Ok.. |
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Date: 6/15/2004 6:58:00 PM
From Authorid: 20750
Yes I do Lady Luck! It's all about truth as we experienced it even if no one else has! |
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Date: 6/15/2004 7:00:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 33925
That is true Moongirl..LOL |
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Date: 6/15/2004 7:01:00 PM
From Authorid: 36704
Funny how people's "truth" changes when someone dies. |
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Date: 6/15/2004 7:02:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 33925
Exactly Base..It seems that fantasy takes over when someone dies..suddenly that person was the most wonderful person ever..I sometimes want to shout at my family..wake up and REMEMBER what you thought BEFORE he died!! |
Date: 6/15/2004 7:03:00 PM
From Authorid: 44960
Your actions make up your behavior which becomes your character. Why after death, would anyone want to think differently of the individual? (((PrissieHuggzz)))  |
Date: 6/15/2004 7:03:00 PM
From Authorid: 57232
My Grandmother on my father's side, well I actually never in life called her tha because she didn't act like one, is definately in hell and I didn't go to her funeral because I hated her and nobody in my family will tell me where she is buried b/c I wanted to pour something over her grave if you know what I mean, but she was just plain evil. But then there are people that have done some stuff bad but not a lot, I think you should properly mourn for about a month and then it's open season  |
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Date: 6/15/2004 7:04:00 PM
From Authorid: 36704
I don't think it does LL honestly, I think they still feel the same way on the inside they just lie through there teeth to make themselves look good because there is this stigma about talking ill of the dead. |
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Date: 6/15/2004 7:04:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 33925
That is what I am thinking Sis..why after someone dies should your opinion of them suddenly change?? |
Date: 6/15/2004 7:05:00 PM
From Authorid: 62753
lady Luck - I agree with you! The one person I hate more than anything is dead, and i can't stand it when people say how wonderful he was, when I know what true monster he really was! Lizard-1  |
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Date: 6/15/2004 7:06:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 33925
BMonkey, there are some people that just do not deserve our love and respect..I totally understand where you are coming from here. |
Date: 6/15/2004 7:06:00 PM
From Authorid: 30229
Sis... I agree with you and I agree with the post! I think the survivors of the dead should be treated with respect, but not always the dead. I mean, do we think of Jeffery Dahmer and say... "OH he is dead now, wasnt he wonderful?" , or lets just say that Ted Bundy, although executed by the State was a GREAT MAN? *rolls eyes*... No, we dont, like dreamer said... truth is truth, no way around it. .. I still believe that for family of the dead it is different, it just isnt their fault, get my drift? Huuuggggssss!!!  |
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Date: 6/15/2004 7:08:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 33925
You are probably right Base...I guess I just dont think its worth it to compromise my beliefs. |
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Date: 6/15/2004 7:09:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 33925
Its hard to sit by and listen to it isnt it Lizard? |
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Date: 6/15/2004 7:10:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 33925
EXACTLY Sis!! There are so many that have done EVIL things and we do not sit by and talk about how wonderful they were...Why should others be any different..If we didnt like them in life, well those feelings arent going to just change are they? |
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Date: 6/15/2004 7:15:00 PM
From Authorid: 30229
I took my ex mother in law to a funeral once... the man lived in her neighborhood and was so evil, even his kids stopped coming over to see him, so he eventually became a hermit. When he died, the minister who performed the funeral didnt even KNOW him because the guy never went to church, or anywhere else for that matter... the preacher did what was sort of a generiic funeral about how much he would be missed and what a good man he was on earth. Only thing the preacher said that made even partial sense was that in the Bible it says (dont know where yet) "The wages of sin is death"... which meant he paid the ultimate price. Well yeah, he did, and was probably forgiven by God, but the people left behind still felt the pain of his evilness... THEY didnt pay the wage of sin, in fact, they didnt commit the sin in the first place... so maybe a lot of people think of that, the wage of sin is death when speaking of the dead? I dont know... still I say this is a great post !!!! Now off to bed with my pnumonia and meds! Talk soon... Huggggggsssss!!! |
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Date: 6/15/2004 7:17:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 33925
Phnemonia again??? Good lord Sis!! *hugs*..and you are right..people do seem to be afraid to speak ill of the dead..some deep seated fear.. |
Date: 6/15/2004 7:58:00 PM
From Authorid: 47296
I have always been one to try and find the good in people. However, I have never held back on speaking when there was bad. I know of several who at times were good in their life, but also had bad in them. I have always spoken honestly of them on both accounts. The one thing that has always bothered me at funerals was when it was known that a person was bad, yet a eulogy was given speaking only of their good. The person could be an adulterous, drunken, wife beater, yet they were put on a pedestal by the pastor or whoever gave the eulogy as if they had lived a life of sainthood.  |
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Date: 6/15/2004 8:01:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 33925
Two Spirit!! EXACTLY!! That is exactly what happened at my Father's funeral!! |
Date: 6/15/2004 8:12:00 PM
From Authorid: 15157
Hi sish!...to think that dumb ol article I read did all this lol...Ok Well to me...When someones body dies...Their soul must face what consequence they did on Earth...although...Some believe that we must pay all our dues on Earth before we are given that ultimate privelege to adhere to the Summerlands. Situations must be a BIG part here. If someone is evil in life...he must also pay for their actions EVEN after they are dead. There will always be victims. Whether it be our relatives or strangers that have for some reason been meshed together from circumstance. I am sorry if my Poem made anyone upset. I am no-way an authority on the Spiritual Realm myself...It could be a matter of Forgiveness. When I was married to my first husband...He used to beat me...and my kids... choked...cursed...dragged...embarrassed me in front of complete strangers. He NEVER said he was sorry for hurting me and the kids... So if he were to die...I cannot say I would cry...but I have since forgiven him... He now Basks in his pitiful ways. Alone... no-one to call his own. I say he has payed dearly for his Wicked Ways!... Hey Sis...You are something else ya know!...Good Call hun!...(((((squishyhugz)))))  |
Date: 6/15/2004 8:13:00 PM
From Authorid: 28190
I think the way a person lives in this life, follows them in death. They either leave a positive mark on those that knew them or a negative one. To put someone who had pure evil in them on a pedestal after they die, is so disrespectful to all the people that were survivors or were hurt by the person. There are people still today out there that pure evil seems to encompass them, and they are still alive, and they are put on pedestals that they dont deserve. Namely, serial killers, are the worst ones. Some sick individuals through the serial killer's life AND death, put these monsters up on a pedestal as if they deserve that recognition. One name comes to mind, that people revere even now that still for some reason is alive, and that is Charlie Manson. I think the truth should remain the truth, no matter what. If a person was evil or bad in life, then thats what is left of them on this mortal plane, and that should never be silenced by the victims or the survivors of the pain. I dont think its horrible to speak ill about a person after they have passed on, if they did in fact hurt others in their life time. Aunty LL, I am so sorry you had to endure that through your childhood, and that it still hangs heavy on your heart. Your feelings are warranted and they are yours to feel, dont ever feel bad about that. Great post, made me think... *huge hugs*  |
Date: 6/15/2004 9:27:00 PM
From Authorid: 42945
I agree with you LL in what you are saying....I always follow the policy, if I cant say anything nice about someone, I dont mention anything at all...if others want to place someone on a pedestal because they dont want to speak ill of the dead, to me,is being hypocritical...best not to say anything at all...good post....hugs  |
Date: 6/15/2004 10:06:00 PM
From Authorid: 21867
Totally agree with you LL. Death doesn't instantly convert you from a prime-grade butt-hole into a wonderful lil Cherub. I don't tend to speak ill of the dead - I just DON'T speak of them fullstop...if someone who I dislikes passes then so too will their existance...in most occasions they won't even be accorded the small amount of energy required to speak ill of them. Peace,  |
Date: 6/16/2004 1:26:00 AM
From Authorid: 11348
Well, if I lost someone I really really didn't like while they were alive, my opinion would not change when they were dead. I wouldn't speak ill of them... I would probably just let them rest in peace by saying nothing at all. I would not praise them, but I wouldn't speak ill of them either. Death in a way, kind of settles things I think. You bury the hatchet so to speak. It'll still be there as a distant memory, but there is no reason to drudge up past hurtful truths. I do think it is respectful to the dead to not speak ill of them, however I don't believe they should be placed on a pedestal either if they did not deserve it. Your opinions about a person shouldn't change when they die.  |
Date: 6/16/2004 3:57:00 AM
From Authorid: 30229
Yes Sis.. AGAIN!!! I think that being INSIDE for the first time in 25 years is really hard on me... adjusting that is. For 25 years if it was hot, I was out in it, if it was cold, I was out in it... And now since I got my promotion, I am inside all the time, heating, airconditioning... heck I dont know, but my doctor told me yesterday that it could be part of it. I will get over this AGAIN, trust me... I just wish I could lay these expensive, nasty ciggies down  Have a GREAT day... love ya! |
Date: 6/16/2004 5:35:00 AM
From Authorid: 62146
the reason people do it I guess is because when someone is gone it dawns on you that you are never going to see them agine. so you think about what you are going to miss. that is what goes thought your head. nothing bad because they are dead you do not want it to happen to you. if you have horrible memorys with someone it will be normal to not have anything good to say about them. I guess this was all a wirl wind of many differnt emotions from different sides of the matter.  |
Date: 6/16/2004 6:42:00 AM
From Authorid: 28193
It's kind of funny in a way..or ironic, about funerals. My Dad always says that funerals are for the living. I guess being human, we can see the flaws in other people, and since we have to live with these flawed people, it's kind of like you want to tell everybody how rotten of a person they were. But, we're all flawed, and I guess people just get to a point where they don't say anything ill, because what's done is done..It's funny how some people see people in a different light, after they pass away. I mean, I've never been to a funeral, when they told how bad that person was. lol.  |
Date: 6/16/2004 8:16:00 PM
From Authorid: 15358
I think people shouldn't talk about the dead person at all, if they were not a nice person.Good or bad. Like that Minister who didn't even know the Old Guy, but went on-and-on about what a good man he was, that was wrong. But just because someone is dead, doesn't mean you have to like them.  |
Date: 6/16/2004 9:43:00 PM
From Authorid: 1631
I agree 100% with Agent Smith. If I don't have anything nice to say about someone who has recently passed, it's best if I don't say anything at all.  |
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Date: 3/22/2008 8:07:00 PM
From Authorid: 44960
Comment #50!! Just Couldn't Resist!! *Spirit* |
Date: 3/22/2008 8:34:00 PM
From Authorid: 3125
The Comment Right After Prissy's!! Just Couldn't Resist!! :P~  |
Date: 3/23/2008 5:16:00 AM
From Authorid: 10245
the only thought I can add is agreement. My dad was not the best father, but he was, apparently, a wonderful friend. I've never seen more people turn out for a funeral... and no one danced.  |
