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Notice: This Advice is free advice and only for (Fun). It is provided by person or persons not affiliated with the Unsolved Mysteries website and neither Unsolved Mysteries or the persons giving the advice will assume any responsibility for consequences for the actions you take as a result.
Date: 6/13/2004 9:23:00 AM
From Authorid: 13937
Sounds alot like you are going through the same thing my cousin went through. Have you told your counselors about all this? This is abuse..even if they don't hit you, its abuse...mental, verbal, emotional. It's ILLEGAL. You need to tell someone, your counselors, a counselor at school, a police officer, Children's protective services. I know that can be really hard but I think its something you need to seriously consider. I'm so sorry you have to live like that. I just don't understand parents that can treat their children that way   |
Date: 6/13/2004 9:25:00 AM
From Authorid: 43015
omg..im soo sorry to hear that!! =( you should get out of that house...stay at a friends house or something..i would just leave and never go back..i hope everything turns out all right!  |
Date: 6/13/2004 9:32:00 AM
From Authorid: 49739
I agree with Sepulveda22. If you want o have any kind of normal life, you need to tell someone ASAP. Your parents have no right what so ever to treat you like that.  |
Date: 6/13/2004 9:34:00 AM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 60089
In my past posts, I mentioned that when I was 11 the school called dipheus but they didn't do anything. My parents denied everything. And I told my counselor before family counseling about some of the stuff my mother said. At faimly counseling, I was mentioning all this stuff she said to me and my mom denied all of it. And I forgot to add that my dad agreed with her. so it's 2 against one. and I got so frustrated cause it's not fair!! so basically we can't say anything "bad" to each other. and I guess my mom is this much ---> () better with saying all that stuff to me. there is no way I can stay at a friend's house. And the only relative that lives by me is my uncle and my aunt. They hate my guts (long story) so there is no way I can stay with them.  |
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Date: 6/13/2004 9:40:00 AM
From Authorid: 13937
Sometimes they don't do anything. Most teens think they have it bad at home and sometimes stretch the truth a bit and because of this, though they shouldn't, they sometimes listen to the parents when they deny it. Whatever you do, don't runaway or kill yourself...it WILL end. You can turn 18, get out of there and never look back. Running away you will just end up in more trouble and possibly alot worse. |
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Date: 6/13/2004 9:51:00 AM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 60089
I've been thinking of running away. There's this one guy I know who told me he would help me but right now it's sorta hard to and I should wait till i'm 16 and if things arent better by then he will defintely help me :-/ ..and I guess I'm going to have to work my butt off to move out when I'm 18. Right now, I only have $81. I can't believe my mother would still all that money from me. I guess it's a start though. I know just renting in an apartment is almost a $1000 around here. But what I really want to do is move out of New jersey and the northeast..I have alot of planning to do.. |
Date: 6/13/2004 10:01:00 AM
From Authorid: 15228
My mother was the exact same way. She would yell for hours on end...she would leave, come back and pick up right where she left off...she could never let anything go. She was also physically abusive and would call my sisters and I all sorts of horrible names. She was also a great one for sending us to therapists, when SHE was the one who needed the help...when a therapist suggested she was the problem..bye-bye therapist. There IS a way out. It is called a highschool diploma..it is called setting a goal and working with the therapist. YOU can help yourself...you might never gain the approval of your parents, but how much do you really need it? You can tell yourself it is THEIR problem, and some day you may believe it because it is the truth. You have to worry about yourself, about keeping your schooling up, not following in your parents footsteps. If you want revenge...don't hurt yourself! Become a success! Prove them wrong, but more importantly, do it for yourself. It is much easier to live down to someone's expectations...don't do that..Rise above it! It may seem dark right now, but I really believe you can do it as so many people have done before. Both my sisters have college degrees, I have some college, been married for 16 years and have two children. Unfortantly my brother who was the closest to my mother is a recluse, he decided out of all of us kids to live down to my mothers expectations...he is sometimes homeless (for over a year at one point) and has no contact with anyone in the family. He chose that path, Yes, my mother gave him a shove in that direction, but he is also an adult and at some point he has to take some responsibility in how his life has turned out. I made a vow to myself upon becoming a mother that I would do exactly the opposite of what my own mother did, and I think I've succeeded. My mother has been on paxil for the last several years and she isn't the same person she was...I think maybe time has mellowed her also, I wonder if she ever has any regrets over how she was when we were kids....I think secretly she does.  |
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Date: 6/13/2004 10:04:00 AM
From Authorid: 15228
I just read your reply about running away. Where would you run to? What would that accomplish? My brother ran away, and as you will read in my reply above, it got him exactly nowhere. |
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Date: 6/13/2004 10:13:00 AM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 60089
I used to be a really god student. Even though my home life was a disaster, I HAD to keep my grades up and somehow I managed to. But slowly, over the years, My grades have been dropping really low..I went from a straight A student to just passing. And about the running away part..One of my close friends (it was on and off..long story but she's my best friend now ans relates to some of the stuff..) moved to PA when I was 12. She got alot of new friends there and I talk to them online and her longtime b/f talks to me alot. He knows alot about me and what I had to go through and he said he will help me...I'd run away to PA. I have alot of good friends over there |
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Date: 6/13/2004 10:13:00 AM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 60089
good* sorry for the typos.. |
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Date: 6/13/2004 10:26:00 AM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 60089
I don't want to end up homeless..and I want to prove them wrong..But I don't think I can do it |
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Date: 6/13/2004 10:26:00 AM
From Authorid: 15228
You can runaway from your home, but can you runaway from the problems? If it were only that easy. What can a boyfriend of a friend do for you? How old is this person? Quoting Kurt Cobain, someone who decided death was easier, isn't exactly inspiring. Why not find someone who was able to rise above their hard cirumstances in life and quote them? I don't mean to be harsh, but I think you are selling yourself short. You are quiet young still... next year is a new school year. It certainly isn't to late to do something about your grades. I'm sorry I may not be telling you everything you want to hear. |
Date: 6/13/2004 11:00:00 AM
From Authorid: 62383
Anyone can do anything they want, if they try.  Youll be alright, just be tough. You do have it pretty bad, but when you get out youll be rewarded from what you learn. To me it sounds like your mom has a lot of issues. Then your dad is prob rubbed off from her. Then your little brother does whatever to get along with them well. Your prob the one that wont turn out crazy because your not going a long with it. Youll see. You will be awesome. Got Mike?  |
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Date: 6/13/2004 11:15:00 AM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 60089
it's ok Kelly..I didn't think of things that way. I guess I was too caught up with things and didn't realize some of these ''common sense'' things.. next year I'm going to bring my grades up somehow. I'm in all college prep classes. I know SOMEHOW i'm going to make the track team and the volleyball team and if I stick with it and I do really good I MIGHT get a scholarship..and then I can make something out of myself..It just seems impossible right now. and with quoting Kurt Cobain..I have mixed feelings of whether he committed suicide or not..and basically I look up to him and he's a genius (well to me) he went through alot also, probably more than I did and sometimes it makes me feel better..but comparing someone's life to yours won't make things better i guess. and I guess I should quote someone that went through alot and made it out alive ..thank you |
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Date: 6/13/2004 11:16:00 AM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 60089
thank you Got Mike..I sure hope I get something out of this..somehow |
Date: 6/13/2004 11:41:00 AM
From Authorid: 30229
Oh dont give up!! Press forward, apply yourself 100 percent in school... PROVE to people that you are better than they think you are, prove to them that YOU MATTER!!! Prove to them you can be anything you want and desire to be. Dont run, FIGHT!!! And the way to fight here is to SHOW them how wrong they are about you... You have spunk, it shows in your writing, use that spunk for the good of yourself! Channel your energies and feelings into your school work, make the grades, then maybe you can qualify for a scholorship and go on to college. I think you can do it.. You write excellantly and you can get through this... And I am with the person who said, WHY are you referencing Kurt Cobain? He is neither inspiring nor a role model, he gave up. Be a fighter, dont give in, dont give up... we wanna see you SMILE when you succeed  |
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Date: 6/13/2004 11:48:00 AM
From Authorid: 30527
Angelflowers,.......I feel sooooo bad for you. The main thing here is to remember one thing. You are your very best investment. I know that all that you are going through is tough. Real tough, but its not the end of the world. Two things. #1). Take another look at youself, and examine what you could do to make things a little bit better. Maybe you could try to get along better, or do a bit more to help out around the house. Anything to ease the pressure that you are currently under. #2.) You've got to learn to love yourself. If you allow others to dictate who you are, then you lose control of who you want to be. You must see yourself as a good person, with alot of potential, that unfortunately is having a hard time right now. ================================================== Some things you need to realize. 1.) The phyciatrist or counselor is paid by your parents ( or their insurance ), and is very likely to side with them no matter what. Why cut off a good thing right? So you must listen to what is suggested, anylize for yourself wether or not the suggestion is good, and show some effort on your behalf to comply. Showing a bit of effort and willingness to do better is not an admittance of guilt,.....it is only playing smart. Even in baseball, sometimes ateam must make a sacrifice or an out, in order to win the game. 2.) Don't let yourself believe that getting pregnant is your ticket out. That will only create a much larger problem for you. What if the Father decides later that the child is your problem and bails out on you? Then what? How are you gonna feed the child and take care of the child? Quit school & work? Does that equal more cash to support another human being? My advise is this. Make the best of what you have,.....which sounds like very little at this point. Open a savings account at a local bank. You are old enough to do that now. Put your money in there & don't let your parents know about it. Stay in school,....NO MATTER WHAT, and get your diploma. You will need that, I promise! Then when you complete High School, join a branch of the military ( for only 2 years ). That will get you out on your own, put you with a better class of people, Give you a goal in life, make you feel worthwhile, let you travel a bit, and most of all give you 2 years to save alot of money. ================================================== Most of all,....don't think that a guy is your answer. You will find out that the "guy" may in the end be your worst enemy, and trusting in the "guy" may lead your life into something that you don't want. Take control of your life. make a plan for your common good, and no matter what occurs on a day to day basis, keep your eye on the end of your rainbow. The day when you will finally reach your goal in life. Until then. Keep your head up, and remember, you can ALWAYS message me if you need to talk. You are the best because you are you! Don't let someone else steal that from you.  |
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Date: 6/13/2004 11:56:00 AM
From Authorid: 30527
Angelflowers,....one more thing,....in the meantime get involved with a local church ( even if you don't want to ). That will at least get you out of the house for a while, and give you some real friends to talk to when you feel that all is lost. You need a physical person that you can count on. A local church just may be a place to find that friend. |
Date: 6/13/2004 1:05:00 PM
From Authorid: 30747
I find you to be one of the most honest young people I've ever come across and I really admire you. You have no idea how "together" you really are. I can tell just by reading your posts that you are intellegent, insightful and sensitive. You say your seeing a couseler and family couseler. They don't seem to be doing much good huh? Your parents definitely seem to be taking misplaced anger out on you and I'm guessing it's because your an "easy target" for them. I have no advice for you that I haven't already given but I want you to know that you've got great potential to be someone really successful and I'm NOT saying that to make you feel all better. I can just tell. Believe in yourself, make plans for your future and the heck with everyone else. Someday you will shine above them all. Once again...I promise.  |
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Date: 6/13/2004 1:24:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 60089
thank you gail...I guess not only do I have to prove them..I gotta prove myself..hmmm.. |
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Date: 6/13/2004 1:39:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 60089
thank you high speed..getting pregnant won't get me anywhere and that's one thing I will not get myself into. hmm..I didn't realize about the psychiatrists/counselors siding with my parent. Insurance does cover it or else it's at least $300 for one session with a counselor. that's so unfair.. but I already know life isn't. I can't open up my own bank account. I have to be 18 years old to have full control of my account. The money I have right now is hidden and so far my parents haven't found it yet. They go through my stuff all the time. One thing I didn't mention in my post and that I was thinking about before..is dropping out of school. But I realized you can't get anywhere without a highschool education and while it may be a little but of revenge, it's going to hurt me more. so that's out of the picture now.. with the miltary, I didn't even think of that. I think that's what I might do. Maybe at the family counseling sessions I shouldn't get frustrated and start crying. I'm trying to stop that. I'm trying to stop crying in front of my parents but it isn't working..just a sign of weakness. |
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Date: 6/13/2004 1:58:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 60089
thank you soul drifter for your kind words. It doesn't feel like I'm together sometimes though..and the future is all I have right now. I may barely have any money right now but I have at least 4 years until I'm 18..seems like a long time but hopefully by then it's going to be a turning point in my life. |
Date: 6/13/2004 3:25:00 PM
From Authorid: 47218
I agree with the others-- this is abuse. Your past experiences have unfortunately made you reluctant to take any action on it, but I realy think you should give it another try and tell someone, since you seem to be at your wit's end. I noticed you live in New Jersey, so I looked up an abuse hotline in your state. You should really call them-- y'know, if nothing else, they can at least tell you what your options are better than any person here can. The number is: 800 792-8610. I urge to give it a call. And I have to say, middle school was the most miserable, unhappy time of my life even though I didn't have the family problems you do. Things get MUCH better as you get older-- 'specially after you leave home. It would be such a tradgedy to miss out on the part of your life where things start going your way and you can finally be happy, don't you think? Look for strength inside yourself, find support from other people where you can, and have faith that you can survive this and that things will get better for you!  |
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Date: 6/13/2004 3:32:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 60089
thank you MollyCat. And yes, my past experiences are haunting me and that's why I can't take any action. I still remember that day crystal clear and I will do anything to avoid going through it again. thanks for the hotline number. Middle school years does have to be the worst..just hope high school isn't worse than that |
Date: 6/13/2004 9:11:00 PM
From Authorid: 52489
One of my closest friends went through the exact same thing that you have. His parents were abusive mentally and physically. He got through it by doing three things: 1) Everyday he locked himself in the bathroom and looked at himself and spent ten minutes telling himself, "I am smart. I am good looking. I am successful." He repeated that until he could recite it in his head. Then, everytime they told him he wasn't, he knew it wasn't true. 2) He threw himself into his schoolwork; if he didn't understand something, he asked the teacher after class for help. He deliberately chose a career that would make him money. 3) Every job he had, he put the money away in a bank account his parents didn't know about. When he graduated, he left and never went back! Today he's the owner of his own company, married, and the father of two great sons. He did it, and so can you!  |
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Date: 6/15/2004 3:36:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 60089
Thanks Aroin 1.. |
Date: 6/21/2004 6:57:00 AM
From Authorid: 31515
Angelflower my heart goes out to you. I wish I could just blink my eyes and all of your troubles be gone, but I can't. I will tell you this no matter what your Mom tells you you are a very special person. I say this because you have made the big step by getting help to deal with this. True you don't think that this person is on your side and you maybe right, but it helps you vent some of the problem. As far as you cutting yourself I don't have the answer for why you really do this or how to tell you to stop. I can say that if you ever need someone to just talk to just feel free to email me. The only way that I know that you can get out of the conflict with your Mom and Dad is if you have a Aunt, Uncle, or other relatives that you can go and live with. Like I said at the start my heart go out to and I will be here if you need me.Lots of hugs to you sweetie..... Queen B  |
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Date: 6/21/2004 5:23:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 60089
thank you Queen B |
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