= = = = = " HOLDING BACK THE TEARS " = = == = WOODEN NICKEL

During a wedding reception the mother of the bride managed to keep from crying until she glanced at the grandparents. The grandmother had reached over to the grandfather's wheelchair and gently touched his hand. That was all it took to start the mother's tears flowing. After the wedding, she went over to the grandmother and told her how that tender gesture triggered her outburst. "Well, I'm sorry to ruin your moment," Grandmother replied, "but I was just checking to see if he was still alive."

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Proverbs for the Year 2004

1. Home is where you hang your @.

2. The e-mail of the species is more deadly than the mail.

3. A journey of a thousand sites begins with a single click.

4. You can't teach an old mouse new clicks.

5. Speak softly and carry a cellular phone.

6. Oh, what a tangled website we weave when first we practice.

7. Pentium wise, pen and paper foolish.

8. Too many clicks spoil the browse.

9. The geek shall inherit the earth.

10. There's no place like http://www.home.com

11. Don't byte off more than you can view.

12. Fax is stranger than fiction.

13. What boots up must come down.

14. Windows will never cease.

15. Virtual reality is its own reward.

16. Modulation in all things.

17. Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day; teach him to use the Net and he won't bother you for weeks.

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We Need to Feel More

We need to feel more to understand others We need to love more to be loved back We need to cry more to cleanse ourselves We need to laugh more to enjoy ourselves We need to establish the values of honesty and fairness when interacting with people We need to establish a strong ethical basis as a way of life We need to see more than our own little fantasies We need to hear more and listen to the needs of others We need to give more and take less We need to share more and own less We need to realize the importance of family as a backbone to stability We need to look more and realize that we are not so different from one another We need to create a world where we can all peacefully live the life we choose We need to create a world where we can once again trust each other

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Some Words of Wisdom!

The early worm gets eaten by the bird, so sleep late. early bird who but its the second mouse who gets the cheese! Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue. Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it. If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague. Never fry bacon in the nude. If life gives you lemons, squeeze the juice into a Water gun and squirt other people in the eyes. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments. You are what you eat, so stay away from the jerk chicken. If you can't beat your computer at chess, try kickboxing. Don't eat the yellow snow. Never pet a burning dog. Never buy a car you can't push. When everything's coming your way, you could be in the wrong lane. Be nice to nerds and geeks in school... you'll probably be working for them in the future. And remember... It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others!

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Little Johnny took his new chemistry set down to the basement where he stayed all afternoon mixing various liquids together. Eventually, his dad went down and found him surrounded by test tubes, pounding something into the wall. "Why are you hammering a nail into the wall?" asked the dad. "It's not a nail," said Johnny. "It's a worm! I tried to bring this worm back to life with my special chemical mixture, but my formula made the worm hard as a rock." Johnny showed his dad the liquid mix that he had soaked the worm in, and his dad said, "I'll tell you what. You give me the test tube with your special chemical mixture in it and I'll buy you a Toyota." So Little Johnny handed the test tube over. The next day, when Johnny got home from school, he saw a brand new Mercedes-Benz parked in the driveway. He then asked his dad about the car. "Oh," said the father, "your Toyota is in the garage. The Mercedes is from your mother."

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Boy the desert is hot and dry today. As I was driving along I passed this good looking old gal walking alone side the road. I stopped and ask did she have problems. She said, "Yes, my old car broke down back up the road a ways. I said, " If I can get it fixed or take you some where to get it fixed what's in it for me." She said, Dust I've been walking over an hour."

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A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover.

The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, "What's the matter--haven't you ever seen a little boy before?"

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A bride who got a little too drunk at her wedding reception was still determined to say a few words of thanks to the guests for all their presents. She stumbled through a short speech and then slowly turned to point to the presents on display, which included a coffee percolator

"And finally" she said "I do thank my new parents-in-law for giving me such a beautiful perky copulator"

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Billy Bob and LeRoy were talking one afternoon when Billy Bob tells LeRoy,"Ya know, I reckon I'm 'bout ready for a vacation. Only this year I'm gonna do it a bit different.

The last few years, I took your advice about where to go. Three years ago you said to go to Hawaii. went to Hawaii and Earline got pregnant.

Then two years ago, you told me to go to the Bahamas, and Earline got pregnant again.

Last year, you suggested Tahiti - and darned if Earline didn't get pregnant again!"

LeRoy asks Billy Bob, "So, what you gonna do this year that's different?"

Billy Bob says, "This year, I'm taking Earline with me!"

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This woman decides to buy a new cupboard that you have to assemble yourself. Back home she reads the instructions carefully and assembles the cupboard in the bedroom. It looks really neat. Then, a train passes and the whole cupboard collapses. Thinking that she must have done something wrong she rereads the instructions and reassembles the cupboard. Then, a train passes and the cupboard collapses again. Now, fed up she calls customer service. She is told that this is quite impossible and that they'll send along a technician to have a look. The technician arrives and assembles the cupboard. Then, a train passes and the cupboard collapses. Completely baffled by this unexpected event, the technician decides to reassemble the cupboard and get inside it to see whether he can find out what causes the cupboard to collapse.

At this point, the woman's husband comes home, sees the cupboard and says: "That's a nice looking cupboard", and opens it. Says the technician: "You may find this hard to believe, but I'm just standing here waiting for the next train."

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An Italian and his 6 year old son, Luigi, go into a clothing shop. "May 1 help you?" asks the salesman.

"Yes" says the father, 1'd like a nice sweater for me and a pair of trousers for my son Luigi - WITH THE BIG FAT HEAD!', and he slaps little Luigi around the head several times. Shocked by this attack the salesman asks, "Will that be all sir?"

"No" says the father. "1'd like a pair of shoes for me and a pair for Luigi - WITH THE BIG FAT HEAD!" and he slaps little Luigi again.

"Now just wait a minute" protests the salesman. "You can't keep hitting that poor boy like that - why do you keep hitting him?"

"Why do I keep hitting Luigi - WITH THE BIG FAT HEAD?' yells the father, bashing Luigi again. 'Well, I'll tell you!" he says. "When I met his mamma, Maria, she wassa eighteen years old, she hada a perfect body, the most beautiful breasts 1 ever saw - everything soooo perfect ina the whole suburb - until along comma Luigi WITH THE BIG FAT HEAD!"'

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