= = SIGNS YOUR DIVORCE ISEN'T GOING WELL = = WOODEN NICKEL

Signs Your Divorce Isn't Going Well

~ Since his recent divorce, your lawyer has been using his car for an office.

~ Your spouse's lawyer has suddenly taken to lighting his cigarettes with twenties.

~ The judge is seriously considering your spouse's request for custody of your immortal soul.

~ Your spouse's attorney is seeking the death penalty.

~ Your husband has been granted temporary custody of one of your implants.

~ Your mother's name appears on your wife's witness list.

~ Your portion of the settlement so far: The Commodore 64, the Chia pets and the Wham! CD collection.

~ Jerry Springer cancelled your appearance, citing "Safety Concerns."

~ You discover that Judge Jacques' last name is actually NOT pronounced "Jackass."

~ In her search for hidden assets, your wife hires a proctologist.

~ Your half of the dog arrives postage due.

~ Johnnie Cochran's closing argument: "If dad goes gay, he's got to pay!"

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"I'm so worried," the nervous patient said as the nurse plumped up his pillows. "Last week, I read about a man who was in the hospital because of heart trouble, and he died of malaria."

"Relax," the nurse said smiling. "This is a first-rate hospital. When we treat someone for heart trouble, he dies of heart trouble."

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A man was being proselytized by group of friends:

"Come join our study group. We want to discuss mankind's relationship to God."

"I'm married; I learned long ago that my opinions don't matter."

"But, when you die, will you go to heaven or to hell?"

"Wherever my wife tells me to."

================

A teenager is **

** -A youngster who receives her allowance on Monday, spends it on Tuesday, and borrows it from her best friend on Wednesday.

** -Someone who can hear his favorite singer 3 blocks away but not his mother calling from the next room.

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Subject: Senior Citizen Letter

Dear Sir:

I am a senior citizen. During the Clinton Administration, I had an extremely good and well paying job. I took numerous vacations and had vacation homes.

Since President Bush took office, I have watched my entire life change for the worse. I lost my job. I lost my two sons in that terrible Iraqi War.

I lost my home. I lost my health insurance.

As a matter of fact, I lost virtually everything and became homeless.

Adding insult to injury, when the authorities found me living like an animal, instead of helping me, they arrested me.

I will do anything to insure President Bush's defeat in the next election. I will do anything that Senator Kerry wants to insure thata Democrat is back in the White House come next year. Bush has to go.

I just thought you and your listeners would like to know how one senior citizen views the Bush Administration. Thank you for taking the time to read my letter.

Sincerely,

SADAAM HUSSEIN

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