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= = = RITUALS AFTER ELECTING A NEW POPE = = = WOODEN NICKEL

  Author:  27583  Category:(Humor) Created:(5/3/2004 6:47:00 PM)
This post has been Viewed (1310 times)

Every time a new Pope is elected, there's a whole lot of rituals and ceremonies that have to be gone through, in accordance with tradition. Well there's one tradition that very few people know about.

Shortly after the new Pope is enthroned, the Chief Rabbi seeks an audience. He is shown into the Pope's presence, whereupon he presents him with a silver tray bearing a velvet cushion. On top of the cushion is an ancient, shriveled parchment envelope.

The Pope symbolically stretches out his arm in a gesture of rejection.

The Chief Rabbi then retires, taking the envelope with him and does not return until the next Pope is elected. John Paul II was intrigued by this ritual, whose origins were unknown to him. He instructed the best scholars of the Vatican to research it, but they came up with nothing. When the time came and the Chief Rabbi was shown into his presence, he faithfully enacted the ritual rejection but, as the Chief Rabbi turned to leave, he called him back.

"My brother," the Holy Father whispered, "I must confess that we Catholics are ignorant of the meaning of this ritual enacted for centuries between us and you, the representative of the Jewish people. I have to ask you, what is it all about?"

The Chief Rabbi shrugs and replies: "But we have no more idea than you do. The origin of the ceremony is lost in the traditions of ancient history."

The Pope said: "Let us retire to my private chambers and enjoy a glass of wine together, then, with your agreement, we shall open the envelope and discover at last the secret."

The Chief Rabbi agreed.

Fortified in their resolve by the wine, they gingerly pried open the curling parchment envelope and with trembling fingers, the Chief Rabbi reached inside and extracted a folded sheet of similarly ancient paper. As the Pope peered over his shoulder, he slowly opened it.

They both gasped with shock.

It was the check for the Last Supper.

=====================

A study at the University of Missouri shows that the type of facial features that a woman finds attractive can differ, depending upon where she is at in her menstrual cycle. For example: If a woman is ovulating, she is attracted to men with rugged and masculine features. If she is menstruating or menopausal, she is more prone to be attracted to a man with scissors shoved in his temple and a bat jammed up his BUTT while he is on fire.

==================

A man is stranded on a desert island for 10 years, when one day a beautiful girl swims to shore in a wetsuit.

Man: "Hi! I am so happy to see you."

Girl: "Hi! It seems like you've been here a long time. How long has itbeen since you've had a cigarette?"

Man: "It's been 10 years!"

With this information the girl unzips a slot on the arm of her wet suitand gives the man a cigarette.

Man: "Thank you so much!"

Girl: "So tell me how long has it been since you had a drink?"

Man: "It's been 10 years!"

The girl unzips another pocket on her wet suit and comes out with a flask of whiskey and gives the man a drink.

Man: "Thank you so much. You are like a miracle!"

Girl (starting to unzip the front of her wet suit): "So tell me then, how long has it been since you played around?"

Man: "Oh, my God, don't tell me you've got a set of golf clubs in there, too...!"

====================

What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night? A widow.

===================

Little Johnny was with his mom as she was driving her old beat up car on the Highway. She tried to keep up with traffic but they were flying by her. After getting caught in a large group of cars flying down the road she looked at her speedometer to see she is doing 15 miles over the speed limit. Slowing down she moved over to the side and got out of the clump that left her in the dirt. She looked up and saw the flashing lights of

a police car. Pulling over she waited for the officer to come up to her car.

As he did he said, "Ma'am do you know why I pulled you over?"

Little Johnny piped up from the back seat, "I do! It's because you couldn't catch the other car's."

===================

The Sunday School teacher asked, "Now, Johnny, tell me, do you say prayers before eating?"

"No maam," he replied...

"We don't have to. My mom is a good cook!"

===================

The highway patrolman was sitting behind the billboard eating a donut when he saw a blonde running by with a bicycle.

He stopped her and said, "Miss, why are you running alongside that bicycle?"

To which the blonde replied, "It's going too fast to get on!"

==================

Why don't blondes eat Jell-O? They can't figure out how to get two cups of water into those little packages.



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Halloween is Right around the corner.. .







 
Replies:      
Date: 5/3/2004 6:56:00 PM  From Authorid: 15070    I laughed so hard at the Pope & Rabbi, I almost cried!!!!! These are too priceless!  
Date: 5/3/2004 10:55:00 PM  From Authorid: 53558    Thanks, Woodie, for the laugh. Hugs Sister  

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