The investigation of Martha Stewart continues. Her recipe for chicken casserole is quite efficient. First you boil the chicken in water. And then you dump the stock.
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A car hit a Jewish man. The paramedic says, "Are you comfortable?" The man says, "I make a good living."
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THE STATES NEWEST MOTTOS
Delaware: We Really Do Like The Chemicals In Our Water
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Florida: Ask Us About Our Grandkids
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Mary was married to a male chauvinist. They both worked full time, but he never did anything around the house and certainly not any housework.
One day Charley, her husband, read a magazine article that suggested working wives would be more romantically inclined if they weren't so tired from having to do all the housework, in addition to holding down a full-time job. So one evening, he declared to do her work. When Mary arrived home from work she was surprised to find the children bathed, a load of wash in the washing machine and another in the dryer, dinner on the stove and a beautifully set table, complete with flowers. She was astonished and wanted to know immediately what was going on. Upon asking, Charley told about the magazine article.
The next day, she couldn't wait to tell her girlfriends at the office. "How did it work out?" they asked.
Mary said, "Charley even cleaned up, helped the kids with their homework, folded the laundry and put everything away. I really enjoyed my evening."
"But what about afterward?" her friends wanted to know.
"It didn't work out," Mary said. "Charley was too tired."
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"Word Power" 1) Arachnoleptic fit (n.) The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web. 2) Beelzebug (n.) Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your bedroom at 3 in the morning and cannot be cast out. 3) Bozone (n.) The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future. 4) Cashtration (n.) The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period. 5) Caterpallor (n.) The color you turn after finding half a grub in the fruit you're eating. 6) Decaflon (n.) The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you. 7) Dopelar effect (n.) The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when you come at them rapidly. 8) Extraterrestaurant (n.) An eating place where you feel you've been abducted and experimented upon. Also known as an E-T-ry. 9) Faunacated (adj.) How wildlife ends up when its environment is destroyed. Hence faunacatering (v.), which has made a meal of many species. 10) Foreploy (n.) Any misrepresentation or outright lie about yourself that leads to sex. 11) Grantartica (n.) The cold, isolated place where art companies dwell without funding. 12) Hemaglobe (n.) The bloody state of the world. 13) Intaxication (n.) Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with. 14) Kinstirpation (n.) A painful inability to move relatives who come to visit. 15) Lullabuoy (n.) An idea that keeps floating into your head and prevents you from drifting off to sleep.
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Let us realize that the privilege to work is a gift, that power to work is a blessing, that love of work is success." -David O. McKay
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A blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise some money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom. She went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him, "I've kidnapped you." She then wrote a note saying, "I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and put it under the pecan tree next to the slide on the north side of the playground. Signed, a blonde." The blonde then pinned the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents. The next morning the blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the pecan tree. The blonde opened the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, "How could you do this to a fellow blonde?"
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