Do you ever feel nonexistent?

I don't know if I am just depressed and blowing this way out of proportion or what. Here lately it seems that I may have been too clingy, or expect too much from others.

I sit here in this house pretty much ALL day. My oldest girl goes to school until 3:10pm, so it is just me and my 4 year old most of the time. My husband is gone 14 1/2 hours a day, and sometimes I feel a little lonely.

All my other friends and family have a busy life and just don't have time for me. I am a loner most of the time anyways, but it is nice to get a phone call every now and again.

When my best friend does call, it is like "Let me tell you all about my great life, and how great I am looking, how my hair is so much prettier now..etc" She never once stops to ask, "Hey, how are things with you?" So, I tend to avoid her phone calls altogether.

I could lay here and die and noone would even know. My husband would find me when he came in of course, but anyway. Maybe I am being a big overgrown baby.

Just like the other night, a friend of mine said he would call me the next day. So, I waited around all day and nothing. Of course he had to work, but a phone is in front of him all day/night, so is a computer "could have contacted me on messenger/email," he don't have a strict job, he can do pretty much anything he wants. He works for my dad, so I know the business well. Could have took 2 mins out of the day, just to call and say, "Hey, I am busy, but I thought I would check in on you, since I said I would."

Nope, never heard a word from him. I guess I shouldn't feel let down or upset over it, but I do. Then he gets mad at me, because I am upset with him... Seems to me, that when he has people around to talk to, he forgets all about me. But when noone is around, or he needs something.. he sure remembers me then.

However, that is how alot of my friends and family are.. I never hear from them unless they need something, or if they are bored and I am the only one to talk to. Jeez, they know I have no life, I am always home and available to listen or do for them.

I am nice to them, and do what I can for them, but then I am the first one they want to criticize, or put down on. Am I doing something wrong here? Sure I have my days, I can be down right hateful, and say things that I don't mean. But heck, I can only take so much.

It seems like it is easier for them to run, hide, ignore, or give up on me, than it is to try and understand how I must be feeling. I will be alright tho, I am a strong chickie. I will move on and move past this. I was just feeling kinda down in the dumps tonight.

Maybe it is time for new friends? Can't get a new family, so I will just have to deal with them. Feeling nonexistent really stinks, so does feeling left out. You can only play and talk to a 4 year old so much, I need some adult conversation..lol

Thanks for listening to me vent :)

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