Date: 5/2/2004 11:39:00 AM
From Authorid: 52337
NO! You're not a bad person. You made a mistake. So what? Just make it up to him. That'd be the best thing to do. Love Always, Cady  |
Date: 5/2/2004 11:46:00 AM
From Authorid: 58334
If you were uncomfortable, then you should tell him that. If he cares, he'll understand.  |
Date: 5/2/2004 11:48:00 AM
From Authorid: 58078
Your not a bad person but you should of went out of respect for your boyfriend. Why don't you try to find out what it is exactly that his family doesn't like about you and try to work things out?  |
Date: 5/2/2004 11:51:00 AM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 59241
I did kind of want to go. The only reason I really wanted to go was because I really care about him, but everytime I'm around his family I always get dirty looks and they stick their noses up to me. I just still there with no one to talk to until he's ready to leave.  |
Date: 5/2/2004 12:00:00 PM
From Authorid: 60992
I think you should tell him how you feel around his family and maybe he'll understand it more.. I am exactly the same way as you around ppl who do not like me or snobs.. But no that does not make you a bad person not at all! Good luck!
*Canuck Hugs*
-des  |
Date: 5/2/2004 12:01:00 PM
From Authorid: 13897
wow, no i don't agree with your mom. maybe you should have told him why you didn't want to go, but nobody should pressure you into doing something you're uncomfortable with doing. i think that is a legitimate reason for not wanting to go, and everyone should understand.  |
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Date: 5/2/2004 12:03:00 PM
From Authorid: 13897
oh AND i disagree with the first comment from Cady. you did NOT make a mistake by not going. |
Date: 5/2/2004 12:06:00 PM
From Authorid: 62588
I am on the opposite side of this. my boyfriend doesn't attend family functions with me and usually tries to work on the hollidays. He has no idea how lonely it makes me feel to see my sisters and their families together and I am all alone. How does he expect to get comfortable around my family if he avoids them? Doesn't he understand that he is making me choose when there aren't any choices? Believe it or not, I understand his (and your) feelings. But what makes you think you are going to get any more comfortable around his family if you don't go around them? and how are they going to learn to like you if you never give them the chance to know you? No, I don't think you're mean but I know I'm ready to give the b/f an ultimatum - either learn to accept my family or set me free to find someone who will. If you make an effort for your b/f now, then you will get to go at your own rate then having him dictate to you when to go because you weren't fair in the beginning. does this make any since?  |
Date: 5/2/2004 12:06:00 PM
From Authorid: 62408
It doesn't necessarily make you a bad person. Perhaps later you could call him, and better explain why...I would at least think you owe him that much. Perhaps he was going to feel out of place there too, with either relatives focusing on his younger brother, and his younger brother's friends there; and wanted your company. I don't know how long the two of you have been together, it depends on that...but even so, you do still have the right to choose to go places or not go. So I would do these two things: 1> Purchase a communion card and a small gift for his brother (either a cross pin for a lapel, a small religious figurine like an angel, perhaps one featuring his birthstone, etc). Deliver it in person. Explain to him (in presence of his family and your boyfriend) that you are sorry you were unable to attend his party, but you felt that it was a day he was to share with family and friends, and you didn't feel that you know each other well enough yet...and you didn't want to intrude, despite the invitation. Then in private 2> Talk to your boyfriend, and let him know that you are sorry you didn't explain things to him more clearly as to why you didn't go to the party, and you didn't have any intention of hurting his feelings. (Don't mention anything about your thinking his family not liking you, though). But I would state that from this point on you both will be honest with each other. If ever he doesn't want to go somewhere with you, to tell you. Because that can happen, and even in the closest of relationships, all couples need their space from time to time. (My parents have been married 35 years, and there are nights my dad needs time with 'the guys' and my mom needs a 'girls night out'.) Same with me and my fiancee. He'll take one Friday a month and go out with them, where as he usually spends every weekend over at my place. I'm fine with it. I encourage it. Don't worry about what your mom said. I think she may have meant well, it just came out the wrong way. She probably meant you could have found a better way of saying 'no', rather than saying YOU couldn't find a better dress...no offense, but that excuse is almost as old as the one about a girl having to wash her hair. But I do see you were caught off-guard at the last minute, so I might have gotten tongue-tied too. Take care, and I hope for the best for both of you.  |
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Date: 5/2/2004 12:17:00 PM
From Authorid: 62588
I'm sorry. I feel like my reply earlier was mean and I don't mean it to be. If I sound like a jerk it is only because my boyfriend aggrivates me with this so much. =( |
Date: 5/2/2004 12:22:00 PM
From Authorid: 12103
I think you should of told him the REAL reason WHY you didnt wanna go..explain to him that you dont feel comfortable...I would think the only raeson you should feel bad is if he does stuff for you all the time...if he hangs out with your family...and if you guys have been together awhile..ya know? Sometimes we have to do things we dont like and feel uncomfortable doing to make other people happy  |
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Date: 5/2/2004 12:51:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 59241
I see his parents a lot. I went out to dinner with them and played monopoly with them for 2 hours. I still feel uncomfortable around his parents, but it isn't as much them as it is the rest of his family. Like I said before ... his WHOLE family was gonna be there. He does get a long with my parents, but when it comes to the rest of my family he wants nothing to do with them. We've been dating for 4 months and it will be 5 on the 15th of May. We see eachother almost every day. I can't imagine life without him and he claims the same. I wish I could feel comfortable with his relatives, but i'm an extreamly shy person and I can never start a conversation. |
Date: 5/2/2004 12:51:00 PM
From Authorid: 42522
No. you didnt make a mistake, and you shouldnt feel bad. Dont do anything your not comfortable doing.  |
Date: 5/2/2004 12:51:00 PM
From Authorid: 42522
Your best bet is to discuss the situation and work it out. Good luck, hun!  |
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Date: 5/2/2004 12:53:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 59241
also when I'm around him and his family he talks to them more so than me. I usually sit there and stare and I try to get into the conversation whenever I can, but it's not easy. I usually sit and keep to myself cuz he says like 2 scentences to me the whole time we are with his parents. |
Date: 5/2/2004 1:00:00 PM
From Authorid: 38406
Your not a bad person but you still should have gone and just stay by his side. I'm sure he wanted you there to hang out with him and to keep him busy. You need to explain that your not comfortable around his family yet and that your sorry you didn't go.  |
Date: 5/2/2004 1:06:00 PM
From Authorid: 54174
yeah you just made a mistake is all. not a bad person. you should have went with him though, just talk with him about it and how you feel about it.  |
Date: 5/2/2004 1:12:00 PM
From Authorid: 49037
I don't think you're a bad person, becuase you sound alot like me in this way. My mom always used to say things to me like I was selfish, I don't think about others, I only think about myself. But I am usually the most sensitive about that stuff. If I think I hurt someone's feelings, even if I had a legitimate reason for not wanting to do something (like you did) I will do it anyway, to make someone else happy, or else, if I do what I want, I will feel sooo guilty, and I just keep dwelling on how I might have hurt someone's feelings. But still, because I might initially balk at doing something, my mom thinks i'm self centered. Oh well, I know the truth. Anyway, I've come to the conclusion that you can't always make others happy. You have to put yourself first sometimes, even if it makes others unhappy. Not to say that you should do this all the time... just use your judgement, and don't let yourself become a doormat, like I did!  |
Date: 5/2/2004 1:14:00 PM
From Authorid: 54968
I don't think you should be forced to go if it makes you uncomfortable. You did the right thing.  |
Date: 5/2/2004 1:46:00 PM
From Authorid: 30200
Your not a bad person. I always feel uncomfortable going around people who I sense don't like me, but I go anyways. I figure if they do have a problem with me they will come to me about it. If they don't come to me, then they have to deal with me being there. *hugs*  |
Date: 5/2/2004 1:49:00 PM
From Authorid: 29534
Sorry I accidentally logged in under my Husbands name not realizing he saved his password lol. Pogo's comment was mine. *hugs*  |
Date: 5/2/2004 2:26:00 PM
From Authorid: 8278
no, you are not a bad person...but it would have been nice to go. i am the same way you are. my husbands mother hates me and i am not too fond of her. i was always able to avoid her until my husband was arrested in september. my son had to go to her house for christmas and i did not want to go. a majority of his family does not like me (though i have no idea why. i consider myself a very nice person) but i swollowed my feelings and took him there. just appologize to your boyfriend and explain how you felt. and try to make it to the next gathering. but do not for one minute think it makes you a bad person  |
Date: 5/2/2004 3:13:00 PM
From Authorid: 53909
I don't think that you're a bad person. You didn't feel comfortable. You should of told him why you didn't want to go though, I'm sure that he would understand more.  |
Date: 5/2/2004 4:42:00 PM
From Authorid: 37101
You don't need to put other people in front of yourself but you did need to tell him the truth about how you felt uncomfortable. -  |
Date: 5/3/2004 3:19:00 AM
From Authorid: 62146
well iuf this makes you a bad person then quite alot of people are bad cause alot of people I know would probbly do the same as you did. I think you should not beat yourself up cause then this will make you less conferdent and les able to acctaully be around his family. instead tell him why you did this. Thats the best advice I can give you. But listen he might be upset but ok lots of people would have doen the same. and as for what your mum said it is good to put others before you but just because she said you don't that dosent mean it's true. Thi8nk about it you would ahve gone if it was not for the the unconfertabbleness. about his family  |
Date: 5/4/2004 3:30:00 PM
From Authorid: 62682
Nirvana that isnt bad I dont think! It never hurts to think of yourself once in awhile. We all need to do that sometimes. And besides, I am sure his family will adjust to you sooner or later. Pay them no mind hon!  |
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Date: 5/6/2004 10:49:00 AM
From Authorid: 48241
don't feel bad. you should tell him why you didn't go. he will understand if he really loves you. I hope I helped!! lilcutie8 |
Date: 5/8/2004 7:56:00 PM
From Authorid: 30786
You're not a bad person! You were just overly worried about the impression you would make on his family, understandablyy. However, I do think that you should have gone, and just borrowed something to wear. It would have made a better impression on his family that would have showed that you care about their events. Oh well, now you know for next time. Try to get over to their house more often, and make an effort to be polite to his parents  |
