Gift or curse? - Shattered-

I have a gift. It's useful, but irritating. My brother said it perfectly once. He said that I see things for what they really are and not what I want them to be. I know this is true as I have seen right through everything since I was probably 12 years old. As a matter of fact, I attribute it as a factor in the depression and my being prone to cutting at the early age of 13 to this gift. I also attribute my ability to write poetry and songs, especially with such passion and honesty, to it as well. I suppose you take the good with the bad.

Now, the depression and cutting I'm handling as best as I can with the aid of my psychiatrist. I'm doing a lot better than I used to, though all of us fall in a rut at times. What I hate most about this is how obviously it shines through me and everybody knows... I have a very happy and healthy relationship with my fiancee. I have goals and plans for my future. I know where I stand and I can easily see where everyone else stands as well. So of course, who do all my friends come to for advice and analysis of their situations and the guys that they are pursuing? Me, of course. Since I was 12.

I don't mind dishing out advice and opinions, anything to help the people I love. The problem is, no one ever takes the advice or listens to my opinions with thought, logic and sensibility. I'm not offensive about it. And I'm always sure to tell people that I may not be right, because hey, who's right ALL the time? Then the same thing happens over and over again, they don't listen to my advice and end up with their hearts broken and time wasted or something of that nature. It would be one thing if they learned from the experience but they never do. They always say, "I should've listened to you." Of course I don't say it, I let them cry on my shoulder as long they need, but in my mind it's very hard not to think, "Yes, you should have."

Now, after 11 years of this, I'm quite tired of dishing out advice that's never taken and all my opinions disputed from the mouths of the blind. And I'm tired of being cried on when things don't work. Yes, I still do it. But I can't bring myself to tell people what they want to hear. I'm honest, I can't help it. When someone comes to me, I always tell them first thing, that they probably won't like what I have to say. They always want to hear anyways and then they end up wasting my time. And it's seems that no matter what I say or do, even when I'm trying hard not to get mixed up in the middle of something, people always do it to me somehow. Well, I don't want to share my gift anymore. I'm happy because I see things how they are and act upon them appropriately. I don't lie to myself. I never pursue relationships with someone that it will obviously never work with. I'm not in denial. I'm honest. And I deal with things that are right out in front of me, even if I don't want to. I'm beginning to think it's more of a curse. Bliss in ignorance maybe? Why do I let people make me feel responsible to give them advice that they never end up taking? Does anyone else have this problem?

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