Last Love -blackrainbow

I never thought I’d love again. Not after Alexander. He was truly my soul mate. I believe in soul mates, people who connect with you in a way no one else does. Who really understand you, and even if they don’t agree with you, they are bale to support you. I didn’t know it when I first me Alex, but now with out him in my life I feel like there isn’t much. It’s like; I’m just living to die.

When I first came here I felt so ashamed, like they were giving up on me. I felt like if I had tried harder they wouldn’t have done this, they would have tried to work with me, but life with me was getting hard. Maybe it was for the best; maybe it was a weight off their shoulders, if anything.

At first I didn’t know how I would last here. I didn’t like anything about this place. Everyday was the same, the same routine. I felt like no one understood me. I wasn’t like these people, I wasn’t as bas as they all are, I wasn’t senile or lost was I? I couldn’t be, I didn’t feel like I was, not all the time at least. I couldn’t hold a normal conversation with anyone in here. They all talked about nonsense, their relatives, and what they use to do, before they were brought here. The stories they would tell would always be left unfinished, their minds would wonder off before you ever got he full idea of what they were saying.

I didn’t meet anyone in here who was on my same wavelength until I met Lou. I never expected anything more than a friendship when I met him. That’s all anyone I met now a days turns into, a friend, but there was just something about Lou. Every time we saw each other, every time we talked, I felt it. I don’t think he intended our friendliness towards each other to turn into anything more, and I know I didn’t, but there was no denying it was. It was just something about Lou and his engaging ways that would give me little flurries of excitement every time I saw him. Neither of us admitted our untold feelings for each other for a long time. Even though it was clearly understood, there was always that little bit or doubt.

One day, just like any other day, Lou and I were talking and he just moved his hand over to mine, and just held it, ever so innocently. I had forgotten what it was like to have someone hold my hand. What young love was like. How the beginning if a relationship is the best because everything is new. How getting to know someone can be so amazing. Learning what they love, what they hate, what they’ve done and seen. Who they’ve loved, wanting to know everything about them, was the best feeling.

Lou and I understood each other so well. We found something in each other neither of us were looking for. We both found love. I know I would never want to marry him, and I he would never want to marry me, but Lou made me happy. With him every thing seems different. It’s not so bring anymore, not to routine. I don’t mind this place so much anymore. I’m not sure what our relationship will be like in five years, or even tomorrow, but I know what it’s like today, right now, and that’s all that matters. If I’ve learned anything in my eighty-five years, it’s to live each day, day by day. When you’re my age there isn’t much left your looking forward for in your life. You’ve basically done it all. I don’t want to travel anywhere else. I don’t want to have any more great adventures. I’ve accomplished so much in my life and am satisfied with it. Lou will be my last love. It’s nice to have something to live for here in this nursing home.

As we were walking down the hall to the cafeteria, Lou reached over and grabbed my hand. This hand has seen so, much has been held by many other hands. Has written poems, and painted pictures, has cooked meals, has wiped tears from cheeks, has wore rings that held promises, my hands that have clapped after wonderful performances, my hands that have prayed prayers of thanksgiving and concern. These hands that have aged with time and are no longer young, the skin no longer soft and the nails no longer perfectly polished, this hand that fits perfectly into his.

(i havent posted in a long long time, comments and suggestions are very welcome)

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