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Notice: This Advice is free advice and only for (Fun). It is provided by person or persons not affiliated with the Unsolved Mysteries website and neither Unsolved Mysteries or the persons giving the advice will assume any responsibility for consequences for the actions you take as a result.
Date: 3/3/2004 10:21:00 AM
From Authorid: 15232
Wow, I'm so sorry. I have no idea what you should do. I don't know everything about your situation, so it's hard to come up with an answer. Do you have any friends that would let you live with them? Are you in college? Or going to college any time soon? If I were you, I'd really tell my mom off if she treated me that way. But, if you were out on your own, and not living under her roof, you'd feel a whole lot better. Even if you are living with a friend/family member, at least she wouldn't know where you are and what you're doing all the time, and wouldn't have as much control. My parents aren't like that, so I have no experience in this area. But, I think you need to find a way to get out.  |
Date: 3/3/2004 10:29:00 AM
From Authorid: 62136
wow, thats a tough situation you have there. Is there a friend that would allow you to move in at a reasonable price and you can share the rent? That may be a start. Sounds to me that you really do need to move out and I feel I am telling you something you dont already know. It will never get better. As long as you allow your mother to have control, she will keep the reigns tight for as long as possible. My suggestion, in order to have any hopes of your mom understanding you...First find a place you may be able to go...write your mother a letter and express yourself as candid as possible without slamming her...is it possible? Anyway, I would write out a letter and let her just read it so she cant interrupt you trying to express yourself. Be prepared to leave tho, from the sounds of it she may blow. Make sense? lol...I have had numerous interruptions while trying to say this lol!  |
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Date: 3/3/2004 10:34:00 AM
From Authorid: 15232
I agree ^^ about writing her a letter. Sometimes when you say everything you feel in a letter, it is taken more seriously by the reader. And, there is no way they can interrupt you or burst out yelling while reading the contents of your letter. So, you can say what you need, and make sure they hear it all without being interrupted. |
Date: 3/3/2004 10:57:00 AM
From Authorid: 52489
Hmmmm. Are you the last kid? If so, your Mom is suffering "Empty Nest Syndrome": her children are gone and she feels empty. Zookeeper's idea of a letter is a good idea. Meanwhile, bank your money somewhere else and start looking for an inexpensive place to live.  |
Date: 3/3/2004 11:02:00 AM
From Authorid: 58611
It sounds like the two of you are fighting two different wars, you want out of protection and she feels you need more at this point to help keep you from making the wrong decisions in life. Sometimes it is easier to hear the same exact advise from an older friend than your own mom. Try looking at her as someone who has been there before and has learned from her own mistakes.  |
Date: 3/3/2004 11:16:00 AM
From Authorid: 3263
My God, Carissa, I had no idea how what you've been going through!!  Sweetie, you gotta know its HER, not you, who has the problem. YOU gotta do what YOU gotta do. You're an adult now, as much as she doesn't want to admit it. Although, I have to say that sadly, since you're still living there, that you do have to play by her rules, so to speak. Maybe you should tell her to give you some space, before she pushes you so far away that you end up resenting her. *hugs*  |
Date: 3/3/2004 12:26:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 13546
Karen : I'm working full time at this moment, no school as of yet, but I am currently looking through a few courses that I wish to take. I am actually going to be calling one of my aunts who lives in another city within the next couple of days, to see about living arrangments there in her home. I'm hoping that perhaps I will be able to go there for a bit. Zookeeper : The longer I am here, the more I realize that some things will never change. I actually think writing a letter is a very good idea, I seem to be able to express myself more, and say more when I write them down. yes it makes perfect sense.  Arion : Actually I'm the oldest in the family. And sometimes it feels like they look down on me because my younger sibling is a over achiever. And I wasn't much for school when I was growing up. I will be looking for some place. AquaRose : I know that she is only trying to look out for me, and is afraid that I will make a few horrible decisions, but she needs to understand that these are my mistakes to be made, her and I are two completly different people, and sometimes, its hard to relate to her. Thank you all for your words.. I appreciate it all.  |
Date: 3/3/2004 3:44:00 PM
From Authorid: 53284
Part of being a parent is preparing your kids to live on their own. It doesn't sound as though your mom is working on that issue. You've got a job, now get a plan to move on with your life. You can do it.  |
Date: 3/3/2004 5:00:00 PM
From Authorid: 11097
(((hugs))) I am sorry you are going through this, and I know how hurtful it can be to ones own hopes and dreams. When we are growing up we always look to our parents for their approval, but once we are out of that stage and become an individual of our own, it is so hard for a parent to let go. Deep down I think a parent only wants the best for their children and to ensure they dont get hurt or make mistakes, they want to control all the child does. As a person, you need to explain to your mother that a person only grows through experience, both triumphs and defeats. Tell her she will always have a special place in your heart, but she needs to let go and let you become the wonderful person you were intended to be. I think there is a lot of fear in letting go, and fear is a very hard thing to cope with, but she should know what a great and kind person you are, and that you will turn out just fine try calmly sitting down with her and explaining this to her, and tell her how you really feel. I know it is harder said then done, "but of all the sad things in the world, this is the saddest, what could have been" ((hugs)) I am always here if you need me, keep strong, much love- your friend Cheryl  |
Date: 3/3/2004 6:09:00 PM
From Authorid: 20956
sounds like she is scared of losing you. try writing her a letter, telling her how you feel. that way you can get out everything you need to say without her giving you 'that look' or interupting. make sure you enphise that you love her very much but that you need room to grow and be your own person. good luck!  |
Date: 3/4/2004 12:29:00 AM
From Authorid: 62456
Hi RA, my mom sounded like yours-in fact that's why I joined the Army. I felt like I couldnt afford to move out and didnt know what to do after i graduated from high school. I'm not saying for you to join the Army but I can relate. And I know about the guilt too-I feel sorta bad writing this but it's true. The best thing I did was becomming independant and though the Army sorta became my parents I did learn much confidence and am still very independant today. I think you should get away from her-she is toxic for you right now though once you get out on your own you will probably become friends with her-I became friends with my mom but I cant live with her. Anyway, good luck-write me if you want...IsisKat  |
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Date: 3/8/2004 2:10:00 PM
From Authorid: 48250
Well,Sweetheart, this is quite a tall order.. First of all let me just say this straight out.. I realize you Love your mother..."BUT" It is time you cut those Apron strings.. Are you working?? If so, then you need to find an apartment, a Place to call your own, where you can have your privacy, have the things around you that are inportant..Being Independent is a Great feeling.. You are Responsible for your self, Your own bills, bank accounts rent, etc. What does your dad say about your mother's behavior?? You need to be on you own, Sweetheart., it is also time for your mother to let you go, to learn new things, learn them for yourself,, we sometimes make mistakes but at least you know you will have tried.., right??? Just like the song, I think the Dixi Chicks sing "Wide Open Spaces" this is what you need.. room to grow and find out just what it is you want in your life... Best Wishes to you.....T/C.....  |
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