A father from Europe is visiting his son in America for the very first time. They are at the local supermarket going up and down the aisles. Dad: "Vas diss, powdered orange juice?" Son: "Yeah, Dad. You just add a little water, and you have fresh orange juice!" A few minutes later, in a different aisle the father says: "Und vas dis, powdered milk?" Son: "Yeah, Dad. You just add a little water, and you have fresh milk!" A few minutes later, in a different aisle the father says: "Und give look here. Baby Powder! Vat a country! Dey take da fun outta making everyting!"
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Q: Why did the soda can go to college?
A: He wanted to be a fizz ed teacher.
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Q: Why is five o'clock in the morning like a pig's tail?
A: It's twirly. (Get it? "Too early"?)
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Penny dropped in on her neighbor and found her sitting at the kitchen table, staring blankly at a half-empty cup of coffee; her three kids squabbling loudly in the other room. "What's wrong?" she asked. The neighbor told her that she had "morning sickness." Surprised, the neighbor said, "I didn't even know you were pregnant again!" "I'm not," the harried young woman replied, "I'm just sick of mornings."
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One day a florist goes for a haircut. After the cut, he goes to pay the barber and the barber replies: "I am sorry. I cannot accept money from you, I am doing community service." The florist is happy and leaves the shop. The next morning when the barber goes to open his shop there is a Card and a dozen roses waiting at his door. A policeman goes for a haircut and he also goes to pay the barber and the barber replies: "I am sorry. I cannot accept money from you, I am doing community service." The policeman is happy and leaves the shop. The next morning the barber goes to open his shop, there is a thank you card and a dozen doughnuts waiting at his door. A lawyer goes for a haircut and goes to pay the barber. The barber replies: "I am sorry. I cannot accept money from you, I am doing community service." The next morning when the barber goes to open his shop, guess what he finds at the door? ..........................a dozen lawyers.
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A drill sergeant had just chewed out one of his cadets, and as he was walking away, he turned to the cadet and said, "I guess when I die you'll come and dance on my grave." The cadet replied, "Not me, Sarge...no
sir! I promised myself that when I got out of the Army I'd never stand in another line!"
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