= = = = = WORLDS WORST JOBS.....= = = = = WOODEN NICKEL

World's Worst Jobs.....

Mine

Shark Baiter

Road Kill Removal Crew

Prison Glee Club President

Rotten Sardine Taste Detector

Assistant To The Boss's Nephew

Circus Elephant Clean Up Specialist

Nuclear Warhead Sensistivity Technician

Vice President, Screen Door Sales, North Pole Division

Director Of Public Relations, Chernobyl Nuclear Facility

The Person Responsible For Replacing Urinal Deodorizers

The Person Responsible For ReCycling Replaced Urinal Deodorizers

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Top Ten Things You NEVER Want to Hear the Orkin Man Say:

10) "EEEEEKKK!!!!!!"

9) "Exterminator down! Exterminator down! Send backup!!! Extermin..."

8) "The GOOD news is... you have termites."

7) "Do you happen to have a large net?"

6) "You know, I'm also a taxidermist."

5) "Ma'am, I'm afraid you need to let me take the oatmeal raisin cookies with me."

4) "FIRE IN THE HOLE!"

3) "Hi, I'm Willie Nelson and I'll be your exterminator today."

2) "Duck!"

1) "Shazbot! I accidentally killed Mindy!"

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A survey of personnel executives at 200 of the Fortune 1,000 companies provided the following unbelievable but true examples of job applicant behavior.

"The reason the candidate was taking so long to respond to a question became apparent when he began to snore."

"When I asked the candidate to give a good example of the organizational skills she was boasting about, she said she was proud of her ability to pack her suitcase 'real neat' for her vacations."

"Why did (the applicant) go to college?" His reply: "To party and socialize."

"When I gave him my business card at the beginning of the interview, he immediately crumpled it and tossed it in the wastebasket."

"I received a resume and letter that said that the recent high-school graduate wanted to earn $25 an hour-'and not a nickel less.'"

"(The applicant) had arranged for a pizza to be delivered to my office during a lunch-hour interview. I asked him not to eat it until later."

"(The applicant) said she had just graduated cum laude, but she had no idea what cum laude meant. However, she was proud of her grade point average. It was 2.1."

"(The applicant) insisted on telling me that he wasn't afraid of hard work. But insisted on adding he was afraid of horses and didn't like jazz, modern art, or seafood."

"She actually showed up for an interview during the summer wearing a bathing suit. She said she didn't think I'd mind."

"He sat down opposite me, made himself comfortable, and proceeded to put his foot up on my desk."

"The interview had gone well, until he told me that he and his friends wore my company's clothing whenever they could. I had to tell him that we manufactured office products, not sportswear."

"(The applicant) applied for a customer service position, although, as he confided, he really wasn't a people person."

"Without asking if I minded, he casually lit a cigar and then tossed the match onto my carpet-and couldn't understand why I was upset."

"On the phone, I had asked the candidate to bring his resume and a couple of references. He arrived with the resume-and two people

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The new Texas preacher was a dead ringer for Conway Twitty, the country music singer. One day he decided to visit some of the church members who hadn't been to service lately. He went to the first lady's house and knocked on the door. When she answered the door, she said, "Conway Twitty!" "No ma'am," he replied. "I'm your new pastor, and I came to have prayer with you." So she said come right on in. He visited several more homes, and everyone thought he was Conway Twitty. Then he came to a widow woman's house on the end of the street. She was taking a shower at the time, so she just wrapped a towel around her and opened the door. When she saw her caller, she threw up her hands - which allowed the towel to fall to the floor. "Oh my God!" she exclaimed. "It's ConwayTwitty!" And the preacher said....... "Hello, Darlin!!"

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Some people are like Slinkies . . . not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.

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"You might show me a little more respect." complained Gail as she and Mike were driving back from 'Lover's Lookout'. "Yeah?" said Mike, "Like by doing what?" "Well, for starters, not flying my underware from your radio antenna."

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The seven-year old told her mom, that a little boy in her class asked her to play doctor. "Oh, dear," the mother nervously sighed. "What happened, honey?" "Nothing, he made me wait 45 minutes and then double-billed the insurance company."

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Q. What do you call an abortion in Prague?

A. A cancelled Czech.

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A business man was aboard the redeye when turbulence shook the plane, causing the flight attendant to spill hot coffee in his lap. "I'm so sorry, sir" she said "Are you all right?" "Yes, I think so," he replied. "But tell me, was that regular or decaf?" "Regular." "Just my luck," he moaned. "Now iM going to be up all night."

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The First Day of School 30 Years Ago and Today

THIRTY YEARS AGO: Miss Lichtig receives an apple from an anonymous student and shows it to her fellow teachers.

TODAY: Ms. Lichtig receives a package from an anonymous student and shows it to the bomb squad. --

THIRTY YEARS AGO: Ed Navis, the class clown, is caught reading Playboy.

TODAY: Mrs. McMahon, the art teacher, is caught posing for Playboy. --

THIRTY YEARS AGO: Nurse Dweezel treats the fifth grade's first case of whooping cough.

TODAY: Nurse Dweezel treats the fifth grade's first case of morning sickness. --

THIRTY YEARS AGO: students find mercury, lead and cobalt on the periodic table.

TODAY: students find mercury, lead and cobalt in the drinking water. --

THIRTY YEARS AGO: each class begins with "Show and Tell."

TODAY: each class begins with "Search and Frisk." --

THIRTY YEARS AGO: ninth grader Clyde Kelly is caught cheating on a pop quiz.

TODAY: ninth grader Scott Kelly is caught cheating on his common-law wife.

Times have sure changed!!!

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