= = = = = " LET'S TALK ABOUT TAXES " AND A FEW GOOD JOKES. = = = = = WOODEN NICKEL

This year in the US, there were 7 different ways to file your income taxes. Unfortunately, all of them were wrong.

Seems to me the only possible fair tax structure is one that allows everyone to cheat evenly.

With the quality of education declining in the US, and even colleges turning out semi-literate idiots, I understand the IRS is considering a new simplified tax form where all you have to do is color it in.

The best things in life are free, but sooner or later the government will find a way to tax them.

The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has.

There is nothing more permanent than a temporary tax.

When I look at my pay stub (with all those tax deductions) and then look at my pay check, I wish they would let me cash my pay stub.

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I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, "I'm going to mop the floor with your face."

I said, "You'll be sorry."

He said, "Oh, yeah? Why?"

I said, "Well, you won't be able to get into the corners very well."

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In my job as an electronics salesman, I've seen the rise in popularity of sport-utility vehicles and minivans, which has created a market for rear-seat entertainment. Monitors that keep passengers occupied with movies and television have been selling like crazy.

One day as I was showing a young couple how a monitor could play videos, DVD's, and even pick up local TV stations, the blonde wife asked matter-of-factly, "Does it get cable?"

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Little Johnny was one of those holy terrors and her husband was surprised when his wife suggested that they buy him a bike for his birthday.

"Do you really believe that'll help improve his behavior ?" he said.

"Well, no," she admitted, "But it'll spread it over a wider area."

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An atheist professor was teaching a college class and he told the class that he was going to prove that there is no God. He said, "God, if you are real, then I want you to knock me off this platform. I'll give you 15 minutes!"

Ten minutes went by. He kept taunting God, saying,"Here I am, God. I'm still waiting." He got down to the last couple of minutes and a Marine just released from active duty and newly registered in the class walked up to the professor, hit him full force in the face, and sent him flying from the platform.

The professor struggled up, obviously shaken and yelled, "What's the matter with you? Why did you do that?"

The Marine replied, "God was busy; He sent me."

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Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked, "How old was your husband?"

"98," she replied. "Two years older than me."

"So you're 96," the undertaker commented.

She responded, "Hardly worth going home is it?"

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My husband posted a sign in our front yard. "Forget the guard dog. Beware of PMS."

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I asked God to take away my pain. God said, No. It is not for me to take away your pain, but for you to give it up.

I asked God to make my handicapped child whole. God said, No. Her spirit is whole, her body was only temporary.

I asked God to grant me patience. God said, No. Patience is a by product of tribulations; It isn't granted, it is learned.

I asked God to give me happiness God said, No. I give you blessings. Happiness is up to you.

I asked God to spare me pain. God said, No. Suffering draws you apart from worldly cares and brings you closer to me.

I asked God to make my spirit grow. God said, No. You must grow on your own, but I will prune you to make you fruitful.

I asked for all things that I might enjoy life. God said, No. I will give you life so that you may enjoy all things.

I ask God to help me LOVE others, as much as he loves me. God said...Ahhhh, Finally you have the idea.

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Sue was sitting in a bar having a drink. This guy walked over, sat down next to her, and said, "You have that 'lost' look in your eyes." Sue replied, "You're close. It's a 'get lost' look."

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