What would you do? I am in major need of friends right now.... Froggybaby

OK this is somewhat of a rant, and some of me needing my USM friends. It might end up being a long post, so bear with me.

From the time I was born my Dad has always been bad tempered, hateful, spiteful, and just outright mean. He never allowed us to watch sit coms, or laugh. He would hit my mom, and before too long he was hitting us kids. I always thought it was because he was an only child and didn't know how to deal with having 4 kids of his own. It wasn't like he beat us kids, but we would get hit with strange things (once he hit me over the head with a plastic crayon box because I had to pee when he was raving at me to do the dishes). He once hit me across the thigh with a log becuase I didn't pick him some blackberries so that mom could make him a pie. I had a huge whelp on my leg that lasted about a week or so. I didn't know that most families didn't behave this way! When I was around 13, I guess, mom and I were having a discussion one day and she told me that when she was pregant with me, that her and dad were separated and that she had a BF. Well of course, me being that age and her telling me that I naturally asked her if dad was my REAL dad. She was shocked and chewed my butt out for asking a thing like that. Now let me tell you that both of my sisters and my brother are blonde with hazel eyes. My dad has blonde hair and blue eyes. Mom has black hair and hazel eyes... but I ended up red headed with blue eyes and freckels. I am the only one with freckles. I know that doesn't mean alot, but everyone I have ever known points out the fact that I look nothing and act nothing like my family. But I never gave it a second thought. Last April my brother came to stay for a couple weeks and my friend asked us if I was sure I wasn't adopted. She said "Mandy you don't look a thing like anyone in your family!" I just laughed it off. My brother didn't. He told me that since I have moved away, that mom and dad fight constantly and dad throws it up in mom's face that I am not his child. He also said that mom and dad even called off my supposedly "real" dad by name. My brother told me the man's name and it was the same name of the man my mom had years ago told me she dated while she was pregnant with me. That really hurt! But my brother is silly and I thought he was making it up. This Saturday my brother called me. My sister was in the room with him while he was on the phone and mom was in the other room. He asked me if I had heard about mom and dad fighting a few weeks ago and that they were getting separated again. I said yeah, that mom had told me. He asked me if I knew why. I said yes, because he had said he never wanted any of us kids. My brother said "Ummmm NO. Dad said you weren't his kid and that he never wanted YOU! And it made me mad so I punched him right in the nose!" I was floored! I tried to keep from crying because I didn't want to upset my brother and sister. Mom had never mentioned that part of the fight, to me. My sister in law was here when I was talking to my brother and I told her what he had said. She said she didn't know what made me so upset, since dad had always been so mean to me. It hurt that she couldn't atleast try and say something helpful. I was so upset that I just waited until tonight to tell my husband what all was said. Atleast he was sweet. He hugged me and kissed me and said "Well you know you always have me...and that I love you." I want so bad to just tear into my mom and give her what for! You know I could care less if Dad isn't my real dad, but why do my sibblings know and I don't? I wouldn't even care to try and contact this other man, if in fact I do have another parent out there somewhere. Yeah Dad is mean, rude and has a very short temper, but he is the only dad I have ever known and I do love him. He has cancer and I worry about him constantly. I want to ask them what the deal is, but I just don't know how to go about it. What should I do? I almost didn't post this because it was so hurtful to me, but you guys always give good advice. I could use some words of wisdom, guys. I am at my wits end. Help.

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