Through The Looking Glass

I've lost more things in one day than I ever thought a person could lose in that amount of time. Many people would reply to this and say "Ah, yes. I know that one well. I've been there," whether or not they knew or not what it is I've lost.
Just a few short weeks ago, I had been gathering my writing together to make a book. I was going to call it 'Through the Looking Glass,' though I doubt I could've used that title...Look, that's me. Still making jokes only moments, really, before my death. Ah, well, there's nothing like irony to paint a perfect suicide.
Where was I?
Yes. My book. I was going to call it that because I always felt like my life was alot like Alice in Wonderland. (If anyone ever read all my work, they might catch that theme...even in my artwork.) A fall down a dark hole, a journey through strange places, fear...
I also felt alot like Dorothy - fighting her way through Oz with wonderful - yet nonetheless strange - friends. There was no place like home.
...But Dorothy was only dreaming...
So was Alice.
Jessica is awake.
There is no Wonderland.
There is no Oz.
My life is not a book - although it could make for a story.
So many people saw me as so many things; funny, fun to be around, joyful.....dark, lonely, confused...Some knew me in ways other's would never.
I cherish what I've been given by other's...
The only thing I had left was words. My own words. Those are quite gone. But I have this - they're lyrics by Evanescence:


"I still remember the world
From the eyes of a child
Slowly those feelings
Were clouded by what I know now

Where has my heart gone
An uneven trade for the real world
I want to go back to
Believing in everything and knowing nothing at all

I still remember the sun
Always warm on my back
Somehow it seems colder now

Where has my heart gone
Trapped in the eyes of a stranger
I want to go back to
Believing in everything..."

Inside, I would always be the little boy trapped in a big boy world...